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Archive for the 'Spam' Category

Spam So Bad Its Good

Sunday, October 3rd, 2004

Best spam email subject line of the past 6 mos:

From Christian Mortgage USA:

Jesus wants you to save.

I Won the Lotto

Friday, February 20th, 2004

*See added note at bottom of this post to see the mystery solved (Addendum 23 Feb 2004)

Need your input. I got this email the other day entitled "CONGRATULATIONS 2004 CHELSEA LOTTO WINNER". It read:

Chelsea Lottery Headquarters
11 Sydney Street,
London SW3 6NT

Ref: CHEL/941OYI/02
Date: 04-17-02

We happily announce to you the draw of the Annual International Lottery Program, held on the 31st of January 2004 in London, UK. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number:3266534 with Serial number 2004/234/72 was drawn as the lucky ticket numbers which subsequently won you the lottery in the International Internet category.

You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of Euros1,000,000.00 (One Million Euros ) credited to file Chel/int/5536622.This is from a total cash prize of Euros10,000,000.00 (Ten Million Euros , shared amongst the first ten (10) lucky winners in this category.

Please note that your winning number falls within our representative office in London as indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, your Euros1,000,000.00 (One Million Euros) would be released to you by our security firm in The UK. Our agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.

All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 companies. This promotion takes place annually.

For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claim has been processed and your winning remitted to you.

Please note that there are several methods of remittance of your winnings which would be communicated to you by our agent. This is a precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and to ensure ease of collection of winnings by winners.

To file for your claim, please contact our agent:
Mr R. Steven

To avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please quote your reference
number in any correspondences with us or our designated agent. Congratulations and thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program.

Thank you,

Yours Truly
Mrs Sandra Peacook.

Powered by telstra.com

So I think nothing of it - just another big scam. But I'm intrigued, because I've never heard of this one. So I emailed Mr. Stevens and he responded right back saying it was, indeed, a lottery and I was a winner (sure I am) and that they needed only my name, address, phone number so that they could snail-mail me a confirmation certificate.

I searched the 'net for any Chelsea Lottery scam, but came up with nothing. I found it odd that they only wanted basic info - stuff anyone can get on anyone off of the Internet - no account passwords or numbers or info of any kind. I still didn't think it was legit, but now I wanted to get to the bottom of it. What was going on here.

My Mom & Baret suggested I just send them the basic info and see what they did. I'm not so sure. I visited the Telstra website, from which the email originated, and it is from an Australian ISP. Nothing on there about a Lottery, either. I thought about shooting them an email, since it came from one of their customers but I doubt they could prove it or deny it. Though they may ban the person for sending unsolicited spam...

So my question to you is, what do I do next? If it's some new scam, I'd like to crack it and warn others about it. My last thought is that it is legit - I never entered any kind of contest and why would a company in London want to give some chick from Louisiana, USA, money? No, I don't for a minute hold that it's real. The thing I find odd is that they answered me back - spam is usually generated from some bot, not a specific person. It'd be sweet to crack some wanna-be spamster.

Your thoughts?

* A thousand thanks to Maury (and Rose) for sending me this link - http://www.spam-site.com/spam-email.shtml. He says if you scroll down to the bottom it comments on this email.

I saw quite a few people coming here searching for it and I realize they probably wanted answers as did I. Here it is folks - a scam just like you thought it was.

You know that guy is STILL emailing me??

Have a GREAT weekend & a fuckin' SUPER MARDI GRAS everyone. I know most of you don't celebrate it, so think of me with King Cake-green envy on Monday & Tuesday when you're sitting at your desks at work and I'm sitting on a street somewhere screaming for beads and getting sloshed. Hey, that's what Mardi Gras' about - don't let anyone tell you different. So, Happy Lundi & Mardi Gras!

What You Need to Know About Spam & Email Forwards

Thursday, January 8th, 2004

...or, simply put, why I hate them so much!

You wouldn't believe the asinine emails I get! The spam stuff is bad enough - but when it's just dumb people fowarding shit because they're too dumb to realize it's a scam, that makes you want to pull your hair out.

I've learned that the reason emails like this go around is for the purpose of "email farming". See, let's say I have a message (a joke, maybe) and I forward it to Jack, Tom, Jill, Harry and Habib. Jack sends it to 14 people. Tom sends it 2, Harry sends it 45 and Habib doesn't send it to anyone because his modem dies. Already my email has been circulated to 61 people who are also forwarding it to their friends, family and online pals. You can see how you can sometimes get a message in your Inbox that has already been forwarded to hundreds of people. Now let's say I'm a spammer who is farming for emails - in other words, looking for email addresses that I can send my spam to. From this one dumb email that I sent out, I am going to get back hundreds of email addresses that I can now send spam to - which, if you don't know, is a million-dollar a year industry.

So, when I get the dumb emails that are obviously concocted so gullible fools will send them on to everyone they know, I want to slap someone. There are the ones, like the one posted Monday, that say Bill Gates or some other lucrative figure is sending a certain amount of money to everyone that forwards their message on. If you really stopped and let common logic kick in, you would know this is completely unlikely, and really stupid. But, for some reason - and studies have proven this - if people see it on the computer screen, they believe it. For all the retarded shit that comes through in email, it is proven that people are more likely to believe it if read in this medium. Go figure. You get the ones with a ridiculously silly poem or limerick about friends & love - and it tells you to pass it on to everyone to remind them how much you love them. Again, email farming at its worst. This is also effective with "God" ones - "If you love God you'll forward this to as many people as you can!" It sounds silly, but it works. I'd guess that 98% of people that get such things do, indeed, forward them to mass amounts of people. There are the ones that tell a joke with no punch line - telling you that if you send it to umpteen number of people and hit certain keys on your keyboard, the punch line or some silly cartoon character will dance across the screen on your monitor. This ploy is also disguised as saying some department store is offering coupons for preposterous dollar amounts - and forwarding to blank number of people and hitting certain keys will make the coupon appear on your screen. People don't realize, or seem to forget, that it is impossible for sending an email to make anything appear on your computer or your screen. So that one works well, too. People, thinking they'll get something good or funny, start sending the thing to everyone they know.

And deep down, I believe these people do have common sense, and do know that they are complete idiots for flooding their friends' Inboxes with such crap. Because, 9 x's out of 10, they write at the top of the email, "I'm sorry, I just had to try this" or "Better safe than sorry" or "I don't usually send stuff like this, but what have I got to lose?" They're apologizing in advance for being dim-witted and irritating - so it's really hard to not want to throttle them. They know better, they're just hoping, that just maybe, Bill Gates will send them a check for $24,000, that $0.03 will be donated to some dying child for every person they forward to, that Macy's really is issuing hundreds of $125 coupons, or that God really will give two damn rat shits that they forwarded an email professing their adoration of him.

Did you say vulgar??

Finally, I'd like to leave you with a sweet, little, tongue-in-cheek note I sent my close friend who, referring to the fact that it was hard to keep his New Year's resolution to stop cursing around me, called me "vulgar".

No, no, I'm only teasing you. I don't mind (too much) you're calling me vulgar. Though I can't imagine what in the hell you're referring to? I'm such a quiet and mild-mannered little creature, there's no fucking way that you'd hear any damn bitching from me in any profuse displays of cursing or damning. Me, curse? For fuck's sake, whatever are you talking about? I don't jive with all that shit, and I'll damn the bastard that accuses me of using any fucking profanity. Fuck that fucking shit. I'd really hate to make an ass of myself or act like a sonofabitch by uttering such goddamn filth. You should know better. This bitch is too polite to be spewing forth profanities like some kind of dumb-fucking asshat! What the fuck? As far as I'm concerned, you can kiss my mother-fucking vulgar ass!!

Stupid Email Forwards & The Asshats Who Perpetuate Them

Monday, January 5th, 2004

I've really got a quite collection of these going on now!

Yes, folks, that's right - it's time for the latest installment of "Stupid Email Forwards & The Asshats Who Perpetuate Them". This one's a gem. My comments are in black italics.

Show me the $$$

To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages (Yes you do - once a forwarder, always a forwarder),
but this is from my good friend Pearlas Sanborn and she
really is an attorney(Really? That must mean we can really trust her, then, because we all know how honest & trustworthy attorneys are!). If she says that this will work - it WILL work. (Is she God or an attorney?)
After all, what have you got to lose? (The respect of all my friends)

SORRY EVERYBODY.....JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! (Don't you want to kill people like this? Sorry I ran over your cat and insulted your entire family, I just had to take the chance.)
I'm an attorney, and I know the law (That's a first.) . This thing is for real. (I take it back you are a liar attorney)
Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow through with their
promises for fear of facing a multimillion dollar class
action suit similar to the one filed by PepsiCo against
General Electric not too long ago. (I'm insulted that you actually think I am THAT STUPID)

Dear Friends (No friend of mine forwards retarded shit like this) ,
Please do not take this for a junk letter (B/c it really is, and that would negate the entire reason for our sending it.) . Bill Gates is sharing
his fortune (Sure he is.) . If you ignore this you will repent later. (I have chills. Really.) Microsoft
and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an
effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most
widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an
e-mail beta test. (Yes, I, too, am still grabbling with how an "email beta test" is going to make sure IE is the most widely used program.)

When you forward this e-mail to friends,
Microsoft can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft
Windows user) for a two week time period. (There may be tracking going on but it isn't by MS and it isn't something you really want going on) For every
person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will
pay you $245.00, for every person that you sent it to that
forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for
every third person that receives it, you will be paid
$241.00. (You've got to be fucking kidding me! If you really and truly and honestly believe this, just shoot yourself now. You are taking up valuable oxygen and space, and apparently the Darwin factor is slipping. You should end it now - you are too dumb to go on living.) Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you
for your address and then send you a cheque.. (Trust me, they WON'T be sending you ANYTHING.)


Charles S. Bailey
General Manager Field Operations
1/800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or
904/245-1085 or RNX 292-1085

(And just to make sure you get duped, the madness continues)

I thought this was a scam myself, but two weeks
after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on,
Microsoft contacted me for my address and
within days, I received a cheque for US$24,800.00. (Bullshit.)
You need to respond before the beta testing is over.
If anyone can afford this Bill Gates is the man.
It's all marketing expense to him. (I don't care what kind of expense or tax write-off this could be. B. Gates is NOT going to send random people he doesn't know checks for thousands of dollars just so you'll keep using IE as your primary browser. Wake up, sheeple.) Please forward
this to as many people as possible. (Otherwise, our email-farming scheme is totally in vain.) You are bound
to get at least US$10,000.00. (…in Monopoly money.) We're not going to
help them out with their e-mail beta test without
getting a little something for our time. My brother's
girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I
went to visit him for the Baylor/UT game. She
showed me her check. It was for the sum of
$4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid In Full". (What, not $24,000 like yours? She not know enough people?) Like I
said before, I know the law, and this is for real. (I don't know the law, but I fail to see how knowing it or not knowing it proves this email is valid.)

Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which
would make them the largest Internet company
and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the
most widely used program, Intel and AOL are
running an e-mail beta test. (Wait, I thought the entire point of this was to make sure IE was the most widely used browser? Something sounds fishy. {Yes, yes, I know - it was stinking long before this part, but maybe some of our less bright homosapien brothers & sisters missed that.})

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can
and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows
user) for a two week time period. (No they can't, and no, they won't.)

For every person that you forward this e-mail to,
Microsoft will pay you $203.15. (Wait, I thought it was $245.)

For every person that you sent it to that forwards
it on, Microsoft will pay you $156.29. (What happened to the original scam instructions? $200+ for every person that I forward it to that forwards it…)

And for every third person that receives it, you will
be paid $17.65. Within two weeks, Intel will contact
you for your address and then send you a check. (Please, I implore you, hold your breath while waiting for this.)

I thought this was a scam myself, but a friend of my
good friend's Aunt Patricia, who works at Intel, actually
got a check of $4,543.23 by forwarding this e-mail. (That's like saying my girlfriend's sister's hairdresser's mother's babysitter's dog walker tried this and it worked! Huh?)


Try it, what have you got to lose???? (The respect of all my friends & co-workers?)

In another rant, do you know what the "biggest selling product of 2003" was?? Well, according to a particular set of spam emails I've been getting lately, it's the "Penis Enlarger Patch"! "No more premature ejaculation" it promises - along with making your cock the size of a freightliner. That's right - it's a patch, similar to the nicotine patch, that makes you grow & perform like never before. The email is actually a set of three pictures - some buff guy wearing said patch on his arm and making out with some blonde broad. It's a patch…that makes your dick grow.

The email says nothing about what's in the patch or how it works - it doesn't even really say whether it's safe to use or not. But I have to say, it does have my curiosity piqued. It's a PATCH! Wtf?

With that, I'm out.

Halloween Isn’t Evil, But Spam Is

Wednesday, November 19th, 2003

Ooh! Ooh! Got a new junk email to share with you. The thing about this one that makes me want to kill laugh is just how hard they are trying to make you send this thing on:

Forward this to at least 11 people and see what happens on your screen you will laugh your head off!!!!!!!!!!! If you forward it to 11 people a video comes on your screen. This works. I don't know how...but it works. Somehow, from the return path generated, you'll receive something, and IT IS FUNNY!!! This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have to do is send it to 11 people and watch your screen, it is the funniest clip. I can't tell you what is but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send it to those 11 people and watch.
Pass it around.

It works - really - pass it around - it's amazing. Please - fucking bite me. I know what it is on the clip... n-o-t-h-i-n-g.

In other aggravating news, a local rag posted a small, dim-witted editorial blurb that pissed me off. It read:

Time To Take A Stand
It's that time of year again when evil tries to rear its ugly head and duly influence our children by trying to take their souls. That's right, I'm talking about Halloween, the one night of the year we give free reign to the Devil. Even good Christians give free reign to this holiday and dress their children in ghoulish costumes. What is wrong with you people? Unless we take a stand against Halloween, the day will come when Lucifer himself will rule this country. That day is almost here - look at the evil all around you people.

It was posted on Nov. 10. So I wrote a response, because that kind of ignorant shit pisses me off. (Thanks Amb for bringing it to my attention):

You know, it's cool working for the same office as your man. I just heard his voice a few cubicles away. He's usually out in the field, but he has to stop in every now and again. Of course, he doesn't run over and talk to me - that would be pretty unprofessional. But I always smile when I hear him. He usually tries to work in his office time around lunch so we can have it together. I mean, really, isn't he the cutest guy you've ever seen? Allow me a few moments of gratuitous bragging, will ya? I've got me an adorably handsome, green-eyed, 5'4" Cajun whose main interests aren't football and big trucks; I'm a happy woman.

Added some new content to the left side over there - you can now see what mood I'm in. Lucky you, eh? This will change daily, or, knowing how moody I can be, numerous times in a day. Either that or I'll get bored with it and not change it for two months. But, anyway, it's there.

That's all for now. Have a Happy Hump Day!

Learn About the Spam Plan

Wednesday, November 12th, 2003

Yesterday evening, at about 3pm, Baret and I were sitting on our patio drinking white wine. We'd gone outside to catch some of the evening air while I smoked a cigarette. I looked over at Baret who was, like me, still clad in pajamas from the night before.

"You realize," I said, "That we're drinking wine in the afternoon still in our pajamas from the night before."

He laughed and replied, "Now that's what I call a day off."

And indeed it was! I suggest the next time you get a day off from work, stay in your sleep clothes all day long, start drinking wine at 2pm and do nothing but laze around all day. I can't tell you what a relaxing day it was - and how much it refreshed us both.

Now, on to the good-natured griping.

An abundance of "pass this on" emails in the work Inbox today. Nothing new there, right? The reason I bring it up as that I came across a cool site that had an informative "Spam Plan" detailed on it. You might know I Am Pariah from the Saturday Slant and The Meme List.

What I learned was that those emails I love to rant about, and that aggravate the beejeezus out of me are generally used as email collectors. That's right, all the 10+ people that each idjit forwards this thing to, and then the 10+ people they send it to are providing a bevy of email addresses for the evil spam gods to gather and spam to death. So this morning, when I received one that read "Wait 'til you see what happens when you forward this thing on...", I had to laugh at the irony. I suggest you read The Spam Plan, and stick to it.

And today I felt like posting a question, so I can learn more about the people that read and comment here - and because it's fun to do something interactive that everyone can participate in. The world is coming to an end. There are three people you can visit and three things you can do. What are your choices? I'll post mine tomorrow.

Have a Happy Hump-Day!

Short People Are Poor

Saturday, October 18th, 2003

If this is true, Study Shows Tall People Earn More Money, I'm screwed.

The study even says that tall people earn "considerably" more money than we wee folk. What's a 4'10" lass to do?!

And, before I forget, favorite junk email title of the day:

newd laydes wgtges

One last thing:
Can anyone with any design knowledge at all help me figure out why I can't seem to make this side of the table (the blogger entries) stay on top. td align=top just ain't working. I know I'll figure it out eventually on my own, but I'm lazy right now.