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i am looking young ,smart & cheerful

Monday, February 20th, 2006

Guys, if you find that most girls online give you the cold shoulder when you try to chat them up understand that it's because 99% of the men that contact them are like this:

vishal_gets: hi
vamp_lynx: hi
vishal_gets: hi
vishal_gets: how r u ?

vamp_lynx: Ok.
vishal_gets: i am vishal
vishal_gets: 22m
vishal_gets: and u

vamp_lynx: All that info is on my profile. Didn't you look at it before you IM'ed me?
vishal_gets: ok
vishal_gets: what do u do ?

vamp_lynx: i work with computers.
vishal_gets: i am also
vishal_gets: i am computer eng & now i am network admin

vamp_lynx: Ok.
vishal_gets: u r looking so beuatiful
vishal_gets: after see ur profile

vamp_lynx: Ok, thanks.
vishal_gets: u r 28
vamp_lynx: Yes.
vamp_lynx: Brb
vishal_gets: hello
vishal_gets: are u busy ?

BUZZ!!!
vamp_lynx: Don't you know what "brb" means?
vishal_gets: ya
vishal_gets: be right back

vamp_lynx: Well....why were you buzzing me?
vishal_gets:
vishal_gets: nothing

vamp_lynx: Nothing?
vishal_gets: i think u r busy so i buzzing u
vamp_lynx: I told you "brb"
vishal_gets: ok
vishal_gets: i told u "valy"

vamp_lynx: No you didn't.
vishal_gets: ok
vishal_gets: as u wish
vishal_gets: tell me about ur office time

vamp_lynx: What?
vishal_gets: i means whats office-time scedule ?
vamp_lynx: I work 8 hours a day, if that's what you are asking.
vishal_gets: ok
vishal_gets: valeria, are u in office ?

vamp_lynx: Not right now.
vishal_gets: ok
vishal_gets: valeria tell me something
vishal_gets: i am confuse

vamp_lynx: What?
vishal_gets: valeria, are u married ?
vamp_lynx: No.
vishal_gets: ok
vishal_gets: i am also
vishal_gets: nice to chat with u

vamp_lynx: Ok.
vishal_gets: have u any bf ?
vamp_lynx: Yes.
vishal_gets: ok
vishal_gets: but haven't any gf

vamp_lynx: Ok.
vishal_gets: do u want to make my gf ?
vamp_lynx: "Make my gf"? What does that mean?
vishal_gets: i mean do u want be my gf ?
vamp_lynx: Are you serious?
vishal_gets: i am realy serious
vishal_gets: because i need girl who understand me & i am undestand her
vishal_gets: all that thing u have

vamp_lynx: "All that things u have". You don't know me. Do you regularly ask complete strangers, who are already in a relationship, do be your girlfriend??
vishal_gets: i tell u truth
vamp_lynx: What truth? That you're weird?
vishal_gets: no
vishal_gets: i am not

vamp_lynx: You are asking a complete stranger to be your girlfriend - one that you've talked to all of 5 minutes. Yes, that is weird.
vishal_gets: i am sure that i havent any gf
vamp_lynx: So?
vamp_lynx: Go find one - don't pick up strangers online, weirdo.
vishal_gets: because if u think
vishal_gets: i am not that type of person who cheat other

vamp_lynx: I think that I have a boyfriend and I don't KNOW you.
vamp_lynx: I don't cheat either - but you're asking me to!
vishal_gets: ok
vishal_gets: just forget about it & lets chat

vamp_lynx: What is wrong with you?
vishal_gets: u know i havent any luck
vamp_lynx: It has nothing to do with luck. Maybe you try hitting on people you know, from your own country, who aren't attached. Just a thought.
vishal_gets: i never get love in my life
vamp_lynx: Perhaps because you're going about it in the wrong way.
vishal_gets: so tell me that whay
vishal_gets: what am i doing ?

vamp_lynx: Here's a few tips: 1) Meet a real person and get to know them first, 2) Be in the same country, it helps and 3) Don't ask people that already are in a relationship. This should be pretty obvious.
vishal_gets: thanks
vamp_lynx: I mean, you didn't think of any of that???
vishal_gets: u r my best friend
vamp_lynx: Um, no I'm not.
vishal_gets: but whats proble have u
vamp_lynx: That doesn't make any sense.
vishal_gets: plz
vishal_gets: only u which solve my problem

vamp_lynx: What??
vamp_lynx: Your English is getting steadily worse.
vishal_gets: ya
vishal_gets: but try my best

vamp_lynx: I see.
vishal_gets: valeria tell me that what am i doing to get girl ?
vamp_lynx: I don't know - try not doing it online with people from other countries.
vishal_gets: i never try in online
vamp_lynx: You just did
vishal_gets: but i only know that i love u
vishal_gets: if u belive or not
vishal_gets: in our india nobody cheat their gf as compare to ur country

vamp_lynx: You DO NOT love me, crazy man!
vamp_lynx: You're asking ME to cheat on MY boyfriend, stupid!
vishal_gets: i love u because i like foreginer
vishal_gets: i like ur face
vishal_gets: but why ?
vishal_gets: i am looking young ,smart & cheerful

vamp_lynx: I have a boyfriend. I don't know you.
vamp_lynx: I don't like you.
vamp_lynx: I sure as hell don't love you.
vamp_lynx: We've been talking all of five minutes.
vishal_gets: plz dont break my hert
vamp_lynx: I'm not.
vishal_gets: ok
vamp_lynx: You are breaking your own heart with your weird thoughts of "love".
vishal_gets: ok foerget about it
vamp_lynx: Not a problem.
vishal_gets: do u intrest in ssex ?
vamp_lynx: What?
vishal_gets: i means, have u ever enjoy sex in ur life ?
vamp_lynx: That's none of your business.
vamp_lynx: I'm leaving for work now. Goodbye.
vishal_gets: noooooooooooo
vamp_lynx: Yeah, I have to work.
vishal_gets: hello
vamp_lynx: No, goodbye.
vishal_gets: plz
vamp_lynx: Bye
vishal_gets: i never asking again
vishal_gets: i am not that type person
vishal_gets: plz
vishal_gets: dont go

vamp_lynx: I HAVE TO GO TO WORK
vishal_gets: tell me that when to me again
vishal_gets: plz

Another Chunk of IM-Insanity:

Thursday, May 12th, 2005

This was great. I was prodding and trying to find out just what the freak was offering to pay me for, but he was very shady. And apparently he will only "help" you if you have a cam; people without cams need not apply. Everyone else, robert36h (who claims to be from Kentucky but types like all the other asshat foreigner freaks that IM me) has money to give; contact him.

Anyone that IM's robert36h, here, asking for money & gets a good chat transcript with him, email it to me; if we get enough he may get his own page on the Halls of Stupid just like Mango Boy did.

robert36h: need to make some money?

robert36h: Are you there?

ranting_heathen: Was asleep. Why did you ask me if I wanted to make some money?

robert36h: how much do you need?

ranting_heathen: I'm sorry, why are you asking me this?

robert36h: i like helping other peoples

ranting_heathen: You send money to random strangers for nothing?

robert36h: ok

robert36h: turn your cam

ranting_heathen: No, not ok. You tell me what the deal is here. Quit trying to be sneaky, and be up front & honest.

ranting_heathen: I think if you're offering up something like that, you'd be up front from the start.

robert36h: sry i'm not here for fun

ranting_heathen: I didn't say you were - I'm asking you what you are here for.

robert36h: i already told you

ranting_heathen: You didn't tell me what I'd have to do to get money from you, no.

robert36h: i told you that like helpinothers

robert36h: dou understand

ranting_heathen: And I'm asking - you send money to strangers for nothing in return?

robert36h: ok

robert36h: turn your cam

ranting_heathen: I understand you like to help people, but I think you want something.

ranting_heathen: Why would I do that?

robert36h: wanna see you to can help u

ranting_heathen: I don't think you need to see me to help me. That's ridiculous.

ranting_heathen: What difference does that make?

robert36h: cool it's your point

ranting_heathen: English isn't your native language, is it?

robert36h: but i hope you see my point too

ranting_heathen: I don't see your point, when I ask you what you want in return you tell me "ok". You aren't being very informative.

robert36h: already i told u all that i have

ranting_heathen: Ok, so how do I get this money?

robert36h: sry can't help you if you don't want helping yourself

ranting_heathen: I keep asking you what you want me to do and you won't tell me. Stop playing games, please.

ranting_heathen: Are you going to tell me?

robert36h: look i'm not here for fun i told you so please dunnnn hurt me cuz i'm not going to hurt others or you

ranting_heathen: Look, quit putting my words in my mouth. I'm not here for fun either. Just be open and tell me what you want.

ranting_heathen: I think it's a pretty simple request.

robert36h: I'm not here for game do u understand?

ranting_heathen: Do you understand that I am trying to ask you WHAT you ARE here for? I don't play games.

robert36h: ok

robert36h: turn your cam

ranting_heathen: So what do you want, really?

ranting_heathen: You tell me what you expect me to do once that cam is on. I think I have a right to ask.

robert36h: wanna see you to can see how i could helpi9n u

ranting_heathen: Why do you need to see me?

ranting_heathen: ?

robert36h: please i'm sry i can't help you coz i'm not going to get you to jail please leave me alone

robert36h: bye

ranting_heathen: Who's talking about jail? No one's going to jail.

ranting_heathen: I want to know what you're offering me money for. I think I'm being very reasonable here.

robert36h: Please don't bother me anymore

ranting_heathen: You "bothered" me first and I'm trying to figure out why.

ranting_heathen: Don't I have a right to ask these questions?

robert36h: turn your cam if you like help you

ranting_heathen: Do you want me to do sexual things on the cam? If so, why can't you just say that?

robert36h: why do you say dat

robert36h: what's wrong w/u

ranting_heathen: I can't figure out why else you'd NEED to see me on cam.

ranting_heathen: And you won't tell me.

robert36h: ok

robert36h: when you like answer you turn your on may i could reply u

robert36h: nite

ranting_heathen: When you answer my question, I may turn my cam on.

robert36h: nope

ranting_heathen: You're not being fair - why would I do it if you won't tell me "why'?

ranting_heathen: That's creepy.

robert36h: don't need it yet

ranting_heathen: Don't need what?

ranting_heathen: You're acting scary - no one is going to do what you ask.

robert36h: you said that i answer ur q then you may turn it and i said don't need it

ranting_heathen: There are dangerous people out there on the web, I won't show myself to a stranger without a good reason. Doesn't that make sense?

ranting_heathen: Fine.

ranting_heathen: I still want to know how you send money to strangers. Do they give you their address? I'm curious about this.

ranting_heathen: Do you use Paypal? I mean, how do you do it?

ranting_heathen: And WHY?

ranting_heathen: And do you only "help" people with cams?

robert36h: ofcourse

robert36h: when you turn your cam may answer you

ranting_heathen: So you won't help someone if they don't have a cam?

robert36h: nite

ranting_heathen: Answer me. I don't want to play your little game so you don't want to "help" me anymore?

ranting_heathen: You're such a good samaritan but you only like to help people that have cams?

ranting_heathen: It sounds like you're paying people for sex shows, honestly.

I’ll Pay You

Wednesday, April 6th, 2005

Okay, guys, I get these fucked up IM's with idiots and jerks all the time, but this one that I just had TAKES THE CAKE...

Be My Whore Tonight

craigdurst69: sup
vamp_lynx : Nothing.
craigdurst69: cum meet me
vamp_lynx : What?
craigdurst69: lets hook up
vamp_lynx : I don't know you.
craigdurst69: thats the fun of it
vamp_lynx : Maybe for you.
craigdurst69: just figured ya know
vamp_lynx : No, sorry. I just don't do that. Not safe - esp. in this city. Sorry.
craigdurst69: what city?
vamp_lynx : Baton Rouge
craigdurst69: i dont' live in baton rouge
vamp_lynx : I do.
craigdurst69: yes but im im a small safe city lol
vamp_lynx : Sorry
craigdurst69: well you got some pics?
vamp_lynx : There are some on my website.
craigdurst69: wow we gotta meet lol
craigdurst69: ill wear protection
craigdurst69: you know where butte la rose is

vamp_lynx : Yes I know where it is.
craigdurst69: come meet me lol
vamp_lynx : I can't. I have a boyfriend.
vamp_lynx : And I don't do the meet-up thing.
craigdurst69: ill pay you
vamp_lynx : You're serious?
craigdurst69: yeah
vamp_lynx : Sorry, I quit the whore business years ago.
craigdurst69: ill pay you
vamp_lynx : Yes, you said that.
craigdurst69: just for a bj
craigdurst69: thats it

vamp_lynx : I don't meet up with strangers for sex - and I can't believe you're offering to pay me. I'm not a whore.

Meet Paolo_Mash

Thursday, December 9th, 2004

Holiday weekend schedule:

Friday nite - Xmas party
Sat nite - Xmas party in St. Martinville (1 hr 15 mins away)
Sun - Go visit a friend all day
Sun nite - Xmas party in Maringouin (1 hr away)

Shanna's holiday-frazzled state:
Harried but resigned to her fate.

Is there some social god/dess that I can look to for some inspiration here? Maybe Bacchus - he wouldn't have balked at going to party-after-party-after-party, and he is a favorite of mine.

Bacchus says, "To make it through the holiday social gatherings, my child, stay merry with copious amounts of good wine."

Thank you, Bacchus. Thou art wonderful.

Bacchus, patron saint of wine and bacchanal parties - patron saint of orgies; my kind of guy. Throw in a little Pan - the original Satyr himself - and it could be a damn good time.

I'm babbling, aren't I?

I leave you with the latest edition to The Halls of Stupid:

paolo_mash: hi

vamp_lynx : hi

paolo_mash: wer ar u from

vamp_lynx : Louisiana - it's in my profile

paolo_mash: i am from rome

paolo_mash: wat is u job

paolo_mash: valeria u r very nice

paolo_mash: have u other pic?

paolo_mash: if u want i like talk sex

vamp_lynx : I bet you do.

paolo_mash: yes o no

vamp_lynx : What does that mean?

paolo_mash: i like it

paolo_mash: i like sex

paolo_mash: i like talk it

paolo_mash: u r sexy

vamp_lynx : How do you know if I'm sexy? You've never seen me.

paolo_mash: i see u pic

paolo_mash: i like kiss every part

paolo_mash: do u like it

vamp_lynx : Do I like what?

paolo_mash: i like kiss every part of body,do u k

paolo_mash: do u like ,i kiss u body

vamp_lynx : How are you going to kiss my body from Rome?

paolo_mash: with my lips

paolo_mash: and if u want

paolo_mash: i like liuk vagin

paolo_mash: send me u sexy pic plz

paolo_mash: kissssss u vagin

paolo_mash: hi

vamp_lynx : Kiss my virgin?

paolo_mash: vagin

vamp_lynx : Vagisil?

paolo_mash: valeria send me u sexy pic plz

vamp_lynx : Vegetable oil?

vamp_lynx : Vagabond?

paolo_mash: vagin

vamp_lynx : Venetian blinds?

vamp_lynx : I don't understand

paolo_mash: u behaind

paolo_mash: i kiss u behaind

vamp_lynx : Be-wha?

paolo_mash: u sessual apparat ,i kiss it

paolo_mash: kissssssssssss

paolo_mash: kissssss u

vamp_lynx : My sandalwood armoire?

paolo_mash: wer do u like my lip

paolo_mash: kiss u lipssssssssss

paolo_mash: hi

paolo_mash: Come here you. Come on. Closer. Closer.

vamp_lynx : Are you high?

paolo_mash: why

paolo_mash: kiss u sexy lipssssssss

paolo_mash: kisssssssssssss

paolo_mash: kiss u leggggggggggggg

vamp_lynx : but I haven't shaved!

vamp_lynx : Hairy legs turn you off?

vamp_lynx : ??

vamp_lynx : Hello?

vamp_lynx : Are you there?

vamp_lynx : Don't want to talk anymore all of a sudden?

vamp_lynx : The English translation site go down?

The Take a Wife Masterpiece

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004

Not much time to post these days, as you can see. But I thought you'd all like a preview of the latest to join the Halls of Stupid (he will be added when I have a bit more time). Really, it's long and pretty boring for most of it, but how often do you get an actual marriage proposal?

Enjoy...
The Take a Wife Masterpiece

titaniq_2003: hello
valeria_messalinna: hi
titaniq_2003: nice too meet you
titaniq_2003: how are you
valeria_messalinna: Ok
titaniq_2003: ok ty
valeria_messalinna: Thank you for what?
valeria_messalinna: ?
titaniq_2003: Take a wife that are you knowing
valeria_messalinna: What??
titaniq_2003: Take a wife be my friend
valeria_messalinna: Take a wife?
valeria_messalinna: You're not making any sense
valeria_messalinna: ?
titaniq_2003: yes
valeria_messalinna: You didn't answer my question
titaniq_2003: The crystal of your request
valeria_messalinna: Um....what does that mean?
titaniq_2003: I really look for a young woman my friend is from distance
valeria_messalinna: Urgh - you're looking for a long-distance friend???
valeria_messalinna: I take it English is not your first language?
titaniq_2003: He became soft I look for a friend take a wife an agreement my demand is by me
valeria_messalinna: You do realize that made absolutely no sense, right?
titaniq_2003: you have pls webcam
valeria_messalinna: No, I don't haev pls webcam
valeria_messalinna: You're looking for a wife?
titaniq_2003: my name is madani you pls
valeria_messalinna: Shanna
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: A livestock is from the wife
valeria_messalinna: So, again, what are you looking for? I mean, why did you IM me?
valeria_messalinna: A livestock is from the wife? I don't understand anything you're saying. What does that mean?
titaniq_2003: He became soft I look for the wife
valeria_messalinna: Who became soft?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Ok? Ok what? Who became soft?
titaniq_2003: My saying take a wife be my friend knows me for language
valeria_messalinna: Ok sure. I still don't get where the soft part came in, but ok.
valeria_messalinna: I think you're using the word "take" incorrectly, perhaps?
titaniq_2003: They thanked
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: ??????? Are you using some type of translator or do you naturally massacre the English language this badly?
titaniq_2003: im have my photo
valeria_messalinna: Good for you
titaniq_2003: not
valeria_messalinna: Not?
titaniq_2003: im have my pohoto
valeria_messalinna: Yes, you said that already
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: hello
titaniq_2003: *he posted a link to his photo - which I'll post as soon as stupid-fucking COX gets their shit together and I can get into my webspace*
titaniq_2003: im my photuo
valeria_messalinna: Ok. I see your photo.
titaniq_2003: Take a wife masterpiece
valeria_messalinna: Are you saying that your photo is a "take a wife masterpiece"?
titaniq_2003: From where countries please
valeria_messalinna: You have a pretty high opinion of yourself, don't you?
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: Is my agreement by me my demand is to be my friend
titaniq_2003: I am sad O shanna
valeria_messalinna: Why are you sad?
titaniq_2003: But I am a discussion many but not do we obey
valeria_messalinna: Uh...because you're demanding people to be your friend and they won't obey you? Is that what you're trying to say?
titaniq_2003: I hope your my my friend is my being with me in future
valeria_messalinna: How can I be your friend? I don't know you
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Ok....jeez
valeria_messalinna: Where did you learn English?
titaniq_2003: I hope your my be with me from the recent from the Internet
valeria_messalinna: We've been talking all of five minutes - how can I be your friend?
valeria_messalinna: Besides, how could I be friends with you when I can't understand half of what you're saying?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Seriously, where did you learn English?
titaniq_2003: I hope your my to know me for language and that with me in a future is in that
valeria_messalinna: Dude, that made no sense. Your English is horrible
titaniq_2003: My friend is a regret but not corporal
valeria_messalinna: Corporal? Do you even know what that word means??
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: No, not ok. Answer the question, please
titaniq_2003: He was sincere with me to live with you my you are my life
valeria_messalinna: First, who is "he"??? Second, I am your life?
titaniq_2003: Take a wife be with me in future
valeria_messalinna: "take" a wife? Are you meaning "be my wife"?
titaniq_2003: He became soft you are my life I am good from feed from me
valeria_messalinna: That made NO SENSE
valeria_messalinna: Are you asking me to be your wife?
valeria_messalinna: Like as in, marry you?
titaniq_2003: yes He yes be a husband me
valeria_messalinna: Wow...um...omg
valeria_messalinna: I mean...this is so sudden.
valeria_messalinna: Ok, yes, I will be your wife.
valeria_messalinna: I mean, you being the 'take a wife masterpiece' and all, how could I not?
titaniq_2003: They thanks take a wife an agreement be my wife
valeria_messalinna: Yes, an agreement, ok. I will be your wife. When will we get married?
titaniq_2003: I that inclined your that live with you are in your countries my in near future
valeria_messalinna: Uhhh...do you want to live in my country or yours, then?
titaniq_2003: Are you visiting me or I
valeria_messalinna: Visiting? I thought we were getting married. What IS your country, anyway? Since we're getting married, I think I should know.
titaniq_2003: It were obscure in my countries that you keep alive with me
titaniq_2003: Take a wife you keep alive with me in my countries
valeria_messalinna: Does that mean I will live in your country? Yes or no
titaniq_2003: you pls mail shanna
valeria_messalinna: I see communication is going to be a problem
valeria_messalinna: What is your country?
titaniq_2003: algeria
titaniq_2003: you pls
valeria_messalinna: USA
valeria_messalinna: Are we going to live in Algeria or USA?
titaniq_2003: ok cool
titaniq_2003: Your agreement is by me you
valeria_messalinna: Right. So does that mean Algeria or USA?
titaniq_2003: But I really loved passionately you your picture
valeria_messalinna: Obviously
valeria_messalinna: You proposed to me 10 mins after "talking" to me. Don't you find that a bit....strange?
titaniq_2003: He yes you you keep alive with me my friend is in my countries
valeria_messalinna: So I'm gathering we're going to live there. How am I going to get there? You going to pay for my plane ticket?
titaniq_2003: But I am really weak for a language
valeria_messalinna: No shit?
valeria_messalinna: So are you going to pay for my plane ticket to Algeria?
titaniq_2003: yes
valeria_messalinna: How are you going to support us? What is your job?
titaniq_2003: What his my by you were able your
valeria_messalinna: Wtf does that mean?
valeria_messalinna: ?
titaniq_2003: I the merchant of the petrol
valeria_messalinna: Ok.
valeria_messalinna: I want to get married in hot pink. Can my wedding dress be hot pink in color?
titaniq_2003: My friend is an agreement by me
valeria_messalinna: What friend?
titaniq_2003: I am girlfriend my to buy the house in your countrie
valeria_messalinna: You have a girlfriend here that is going to buy me a house?
titaniq_2003: yes
valeria_messalinna: Ok. Are you a virgin? I can't marry you if you're not a virgin, you know.
titaniq_2003: Why
valeria_messalinna: You're supposed to be a virgin when you get married.
valeria_messalinna: How old are you?
titaniq_2003: 28
titaniq_2003: you pls
valeria_messalinna: 26
titaniq_2003: ok ty
titaniq_2003: i my amil titaniq_2003@yahoo.fr
titaniq_2003: you pls
valeria_messalinna: What will be our wedding date?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: ok?
valeria_messalinna: What date?
valeria_messalinna: May or June? I've always wanted a June wedding
titaniq_2003: 😡 ty ok
titaniq_2003: shnna pls mail
valeria_messalinna: It's on my profile...
titaniq_2003: My friend , are you visiting me by me my birthday
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: i my mail titaniq_2003@yahoo.fr
valeria_messalinna: When is your birthday? I don't magically know these things
titaniq_2003: A declaration is post hoc
valeria_messalinna: Ok sure whatever.
valeria_messalinna: Well, I've got to get going.
titaniq_2003: Are you visiting me in the houses of the senior in my countries
valeria_messalinna: Sure. Whatever floats your boat.
titaniq_2003: you pls mail
valeria_messalinna: Ok. Have a nice nite. See you at the wedding.
titaniq_2003: im my telephont ok
valeria_messalinna: You're in your telephone?
titaniq_2003: *taken out*
titaniq_2003: you pls
titaniq_2003: you pls mail
valeria_messalinna: Im not giving you my phone number. It's too soon - I'm shy
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: you pls mail
valeria_messalinna: Sure, sure.
valeria_messalinna: Good nite.
titaniq_2003: Take a wife you take in as a guest
valeria_messalinna: What does that mean?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Right. Ok.
titaniq_2003: An agreement is to visit me in my countries my birthday is by me
valeria_messalinna: It would be nice if I knew when your birthday was so I could plan, don't cha think?
valeria_messalinna: Oh no - I can't marry you
titaniq_2003: I hope your my my lover is to visit me my my wife
valeria_messalinna: But I can't marry you. I forgot - I have a boyfriend.
titaniq_2003: But you are my wife
valeria_messalinna: Um...no. We haven't gotten married yet.
titaniq_2003: ok bye
valeria_messalinna: Just bye, huh? After everything we've meant to one another?!
titaniq_2003: pls
valeria_messalinna: Please what?
titaniq_2003: But you they were headstrong you a friend
valeria_messalinna: What?
titaniq_2003: I am sorry
valeria_messalinna: Uh...ok
titaniq_2003: You you are not agreed with my to be my wife is in futur
valeria_messalinna: Yes, but I realized I can't. It might upset my boyfriend.
titaniq_2003: hello
valeria_messalinna: What?
titaniq_2003: you here
valeria_messalinna: I'm about to leave
titaniq_2003: I hope your my to visit me in the house my
valeria_messalinna: I don't think I'm going to come visit you
titaniq_2003: I inclined your in your countries
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: I really can't understand you
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: I inclined your
valeria_messalinna: That makes NO sense
titaniq_2003: ok i sooree
titaniq_2003: I am sorry
valeria_messalinna: Ok
valeria_messalinna: Well, good nite
titaniq_2003: I to go away usa
valeria_messalinna: You can go wherever you want
valeria_messalinna: I'm leaving now
titaniq_2003: shanna Take a wife an agreement the marriage is by me
valeria_messalinna: No, I don't want to marry you. I can't understand anything you're saying. For obvious reasons, it wouldn't work out.
titaniq_2003: I hope your my to know me for language
valeria_messalinna: Ok. Goodbye
titaniq_2003: I am an intellect to you
titaniq_2003: pls
valeria_messalinna: Please what?
titaniq_2003: you mail
valeria_messalinna: Are you begging me to marry you? That's so....pathetic
valeria_messalinna: I am going bye-bye now, ok? Bye bye.
titaniq_2003: He yes I inclined your in your countries you and I buy you a my a guidance
valeria_messalinna: Again, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever in the English-speaking language.
titaniq_2003: ok I hope your my I am sorry I you learn from your talk you
valeria_messalinna: Sure.
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003:
valeria_messalinna: Goodbye
titaniq_2003: shanna You are my lover ok bye you pls mail
titaniq_2003: titaniq_2003@yahoo.fr
valeria_messalinna: Right, I got it the first 20 x's you sent it
titaniq_2003: ok bye

A Big ‘Fuck Off’ to Internet Pervs

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003

Let's have a talk about the Internet. More to the point, instant messaging, and even more specifically about fucking, pathetic wastes of human flesh who have no goddamn life. Oh yeah, I'm about to go off.

What kind of a fucking loser must you be that you have to get online and beg women to send you photos of their tits or meet you for sex?? If you're female, I know you can relate. All it takes is an instant messaging program and the indication that you're "online now". The barrage of dumb, ignorant and downright fucking rude messages you're going to receive is amazing.

Just a few examples, from my nightly online run-ins with these asshats:

Aggravating scenario #1
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: hi
me: hi
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: how r u tonite?
me: ok
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: you look like you have great boobs
me: ok
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: can I see them?
me: what?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: please send me a picture of your boobs
me: um, no
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: oh, please - maybe later?

Aggravating scenario #2
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: what r u doing?
me: nothing
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: you like sex?
me: doesn't everyone?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: wanna meet me for sex?
me: no I don't
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: why not? it's exciting
me: No, it's stupid. You could be a homicidal maniac.
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: I'm not
me: Like you'd tell me if you were
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: I would

Aggravating scenario #3
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: U ARE HOT!!! WHATS UP?
me: nothing
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: YOU LIVE IN BR TOO?
me: yep
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: SO WHAT YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT TO-NITE?
me: I don't know - you IM'ed me - what do you want to talk about?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: YOU LIKE SEX?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: HELLO??? YOU STILL THERE???
me: on the phone, hang on a minute
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: SO YOU LIKE SEX?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: U'RE SO HOT
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: HELLO?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: ARE YOU THERE???! FINE!
me: I said I'm on the phone, hold on a minute, jeez
me: dumbass
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: FUCK YOU BITCH I'LL BEAT YOUR FUCKING ASS
Ignore

Aggravating Scenario #4
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: you are sooo fine. what would a guy like me have to do to get to meet you for some fun?
me: nothing - not gonna happen
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: it could be fun
me: I doubt it
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: what can I do? I'll do anything - you won't regret it
me: Not my bag - sorry
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: would you like to make some extra money?
me: excuse me?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: I'll pay you to let me eat your pussy
me: Is it a normal activity for you to get online and ask women to whore themselves out to you?
dumb_fuck_on_the_other_side_of_the_computer: No - I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that

Why do you even talk to them, Shanna? - I know that's what you're wondering. Because, honestly, I don't mind talking to people online. That's why I have an instant messaging program up. I've met some really cool people this way, and have even become good friends with a few. But it's the dumb, horny loser fuckwads that ruin it for everyone.

You have your immature, couldn't-spell-their-way-out-of-a-paper-bag-with-both-ends-cut-out, horndogs who just beg you for sex or nude pics. You have the sorry, loser asshats who are looking for love - in all the wrong places.

And I'd like to add some other things that really piss me off in the world of Ims:

* Anyone that IM's me with "a/s/l?" automatically gets ignored. Would you walk up to someone in person and do that shit to introduce yourself? Say hi, ask a question, start a fucking conversation, jeez. Anything but a/s/l?!

* BUZZ Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever fucking buzz me. I hate that shit and I will hate you if you do it to me. If I'm there, I'll say something - if I'm not, I won't. It's that simple.

* Do not fucking ask me simple questions that are on my profile. Have you read my profile? No - then why are you bugging me? I'm not going to answer any questions that are already spelled out for you on my profile, so if you haven't read it, don't ask.

* If I say I don't want to meet you, do not try to come up with ways that might change my mind. I will not change my mind and the more you try to make me the less likely I will ever do so.

* Don't ask me if I have "any more photos". There is a website listed on my profile - go to it; more likely than not I have a photo page on there.

* Do not slyly try to sneak a sex/cyber encounter by me. I'm not as fucking dumb as you are. Don't start an innocent sounding conversation and sneak in sexual questions or scenarios. That's so fucking lame. I love sex and I have no problems talking about it with people online; unless you're a fucktard that assumes it means I want you. Don't try and be sneaky - I will ignore you.

* Stop assuming because I'm female and have a website that I am looking for a boyfriend, fuck buddy or sex slave. I'm not and if I were, I wouldn't be doing so online. I have a fucking life - you should get one, too.

More later as further jerks continue to piss me off...