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Yearly Self-Interview: 2004

Saturday, November 6th, 2004

I've decided that every year on my birthday I will have this interview with myself, to see how I've changed & grown. Here's the first installment:

Saturday, Nov. 6, 2004
Age: 27

Who are you?
I'm Shanna - no more and no less.

What religion do you practice?
I practice no religion - I don't believe in organized religion. The idea that one set of beliefs can "work" for a mass amount of people is silly to me. People are so diversified and unique - it's like "heaven" being the exact same place for every one person. Impossible! How can my heaven and your heaven be the same? My heaven might include sipping Chardonnay under an impossibly ancient oak and having conversations of centuries past with it while watching Def Leppard perform for me 24/7 a few feet away. Obviously that is not going to be everyone's idea of heaven. I think it's the same with religion. My "religion" changes every day - as do my ideas and opinions. I take from countless traditions and build my own. I think religion is a very personal thing. Your beliefs really should be reflected in the way you live your life - that's the true statement of your "religion".

Are you in love with yourself?
Abso-fucking-lutely.

Do you trust yourself?
No. I trust no one and I trust myself even less than that. That may sound odd, but think about it - we lie to ourselves all the time. I, personally, have and do cause grievous bodily harm to myself in the form of blades, narcotics, alcohol, and fast food. I force myself to exist on a limited energy, unhealthy food, and no "relax" time for body, mind or spirit. The worst thing you can do is trust someone - that causes expectations and it's hard to just go-with-the-flow when you have those hanging on everyone and everything.

Name one thing you'd like to accomplish before your next birthday.
I'd like to learn to knit & crochet. I'm of the opinion that one can never have too many hats & scarves, and I would love to be able to make my own. I love sweaters, too, so it just makes sense. I'd also love to incorporate making afghans back into the family, as my grandmother and great-grandmother both did so.

Where do you hope you'll be a year from now?
Right where I am, though a bit wiser, with a raise, another cat joined to the household, and knitting my own scarves. I would also like to be walking without a cane by that time.

What was your biggest accomplishment since your last birthday?
Getting off the crutches!! I'm also so very proud of getting published, but that was kind of effortless on my part.

End with two quotes; one that sums up last year & one that reflects your wishes for the upcoming one:

End:
"Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves."
- Henry David Thoreau

Begin:
"A man can know nothing of mankind without knowing something of himself. Self-knowledge is the property of that man whose passions have their full-play, but who ponders over their results."
- Benjamin Disraeli

Today, Twenty-Seven Years Ago…

Saturday, November 6th, 2004

The day is here!

At 10:53am it will be official - I've been gracing this Earth with my awesome, funky presence for exactly 27 years!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Name Day Report

Monday, November 10th, 2003

Now that the birthday madness has come to a close, I have returned to tell you of my adventures.

First, though, a big huge thank-you to everyone that left birthday messages, sent birthday emails and all that jazz. It was very much appreciated.

I honestly thought this birthday would just zoom on by, almost unnoticed. I didn't expect anything special from it - but it turned out to be one of the best. Last Thursday evening (the day of) I joined my friends for their weekly Thursday-potluck-dinner-get-together. We had a good time and they surprised me with a cake. Saturday I had an Italian potluck to celebrate and to show off the new place to everyone. They were all surprised that we looked so settled after only being there two weeks - though the truth was we'd just stuck all the extra boxes in the storage room!

I got some great presents. Brand & Jackie gave me a matching set of 4 wine glasses - extra thick glass to prevent our usual breakage (I've gone through so many wine glasses in the last year and we were down to *one*), and of course, some wine to put in it. Jackie also got me Sidney Omar's "Cooking with Astrology" - a book I've wanted for some time now. Brand also got some little wine glass charms for the bigger glasses. Erin bought me one of my favorite wines - Mondavi Merlot - Private Selection; saving that one for a special occasion. Missy gave me a darling little bejeweled, red-satin jewelry box. "The Idiot's Guide to Paganism" from my brother (those books are so informataive, I'm learning a few things myself) and "Freeway" on DVD and the new Sims expansion pack ("Makin' Magic") from my sis (she's my game-addiction dealer apparently). My good friend Lauren and her fiance were able to find a babysitter and show up, too - that was great.

I think a good time was had by all. Sunday we went to visit with Baret's family, and they had gotten me a gift certifcate to Bed, Bath & Beyond. Oh yeah.

Really, it was a wonderful birthday. Now it's back to the grind. To all of you that have to work tomorrow - nah-yah. Nothing like a Monday that's really a pseudo-Friday. Woot!

But perhaps the most wonderful present of all was one I worked on and got for myself.

Saturday, for the first time in over a year, I fit back into my size 7's. That's a feeling I really can't put into words. Some of them are still a bit tight, but most are comfortable. After the surgery, I'd gotten up to 9's - and for awhile, was only able to wear 11's. While that may not sound that bad - scrunch all that weight down into a frame that stands only 4'10" tall and you'll see why I was unhappy with my weight. Everyone is asking me what I did. Well, I cut back on carbs - but not that much. The biggest change I made was to start drinking that new low-carb beer, Michelob Ultra. I told you it was my version of a diet; apparently there was more truth to that than I realized!

So to all, a good Monday. I had lots of pithy and interesting things to post about floating about in my head this weekend. Naturally, my memory being what is, I've forgotten all of them. You'll have to be satisfied with the birthday update and the happy weight loss story 'til I can get these old gears turnin' again. I hope everyone has a remarkable day!

Happy 28th TO ME!

Thursday, November 6th, 2003

They say it's your birthday...

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOO!!

Woot! Happy 26th to me...and (hopefully) many more. From then to now - what a long, strange trip it has been!

Happy Birthday to all the other Scorpios out there, too!

So far, it's been great. I woke up at 5am with a phone call from the person most dear to my heart. My kitty JoJo woke me up first, though, at 1am to wish me a happy one (or to get me to let him outside). I got up and loaded The Sims Superstar on my PC (the cool gift from my sis - thanks Amb!). It was hard to tear myself away from Shanna Sim's mudbath and schmoozing with the celebs and go to work. Once here I had a card and book ("The Voodoo Queen" by Robert Tallant) from a co-worker and one section gave me a bunch of breakfast bars wrapped in ribbon (for someone that always forgets breakfast and is always starving in the mornings, this was a treat). My best friend is taking me out for lunch, and I'm sure before the day's end I'll be treated to the prerequisite office party (cake & ice cream, yum).

I hope everyone has a splendid day! The smile on my face today is big enough to share with everyone, so please do partake.

Soon to Be Twenty-Six

Wednesday, November 5th, 2003

Well now that you've all had a chance to oggle me in my Renaissance garb (thanks for the compliments everyone!), it's time for me to insert another random ramble into your day.

Answer me this, female readers, when did they stop having you pee when you went to the gyno? I drank a near gallon of water an hour before I went b/c I always have trouble peeing on command. I get there, wait in the waiting room for 20 minutes and am about to explode when they call me back. In the room the nurse says only, "Get undressed and she'll be with you in a second." Um...where's my little cup? So the entire time I'm thinking, "Omg, she's going to be examining me, and when she pushes down on it all I'm going to pee all over her." I usually repeat a little mantra in my head to take me away from the exam, but "Don't pee, don't pee, don't pee" isn't my usual choice.

In other news, tomorrow is my birthday!! That's right, I bolded it so you couldn't miss it. I haven't been excited about it with all that's been going on, but for some reason I am today. This little Scorpion will have been gracing this Earth with her presence for 26 years at precisely 10:53am tomorrow morning. Woot for me!

A big, huge hug to my good friend, Ryan, who emailed me this morning a picture of this dagger. I fell so in love with it, I found it for cheaper on Ebay and ordered it this morning. This is my birthday present to myself.

Why the sudden love of daggers, you might ask? Well, as I've mentioned before, I am a recovering self-injurer. I say "recovering" because I've found it to be just like alcoholism or any other addiction. The craving for it never ends, you just learn to cope in other ways. I love blades, and I've always wanted to collect daggers and knives. Yet, I worried that a r.s.i. collecting blades would be akin to a recovering alcoholic collecting whiskey & wine. A bit too much temptation, you see? Yet, it's been quite some time since I've slipped into those old habits, and I believe I've finally grown past the urge to wound myself when the going gets rough. In fact, in most of the tragedies that befell me in October, I never once had the urge to cut myself. Now that's progress, folks. So, I am now beginning my dagger collection. I'm quite excited about it, too.

Ah, you know you're no longer a Toys-R'-Us kid when you get appliances for your birthday - and you asked for them. Not only that, you're excited about them. That's right, I'm officially becoming a grown-up. And it only took 26 years. My Mom & Dad got me this really cool microwave that's like something out of the Jetsons. This little thing bakes, toasts and grills along with good 'ole microwaving. Sweet, huh? Yes, I'm bragging about my new microwave. I might as well start driving a mini-van and carpooling to soccer practice now. No, I don't have kids - but once this grown-up stuff starts, it's like a snowball effect.

What else? Damn, I'm talkative today.

Oh, yes, I had a question for you all. Do you ever notice there are certain words you always have trouble with? No matter how good a speller you may be, there are always those words you can never remember how to spell. I'm usually an excellent speller, but the words that will stump me 'til the day I die are:
convenient, atheist, and damnit now that I've started typing them out I can't remember the rest. But every time I have to spell these words, I get them wrong. Does anyone else have any "stump words"?

I suppose that it is all for the moment. I'm going home, drinking some beer and hanging up my pictures and candle sconces. That should make it feel more like home for sure! Have a great one.