Log inskip to content

Archive for the 'Recycled Subject Lines' Category

That’s One Hot Housewire

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005

I've been neglecting you all lately and I hope you can forgive me. My schedule has been absolutely-freakin'-INSANE!! Somedays I think I'm really losing it.

I figured you might be more forgiving if I made you laugh, so I thought I'd at least take a minute out of my day to share with you the latest installment of Funny Spam Titles. The great thing about these is that after posting them on my website a few weeks ago, I am now the #1 Google search for sexy housewires. It's good to know that I've done something important with my life.

For your giggling pleasure (as always, my retorts in italics):

Reply: Sexy Slut big dick video
A sexy slut...with a big dick. I think I'll pass, thanks.

Reply: Real Granny hrnoy
I would've entitled this one "Lecherous Old Ladies with Liver Spots".

Tasty Butt Babes!
Tastes just like chicken.

RE: Incoennt Amateur Slut ermxete pussy clsoeups
I thought the whole point of being a "slut" is that you're anything *but* an "amateur".

Fw: Mature 30 to 40 girls dating stranergs
Is this supposed to be exciting? What is it, a video showing a bunch of blind dates?

Shy MILF wet pussy
Who writes this shit? Timid co-ed, cotton mouth. Hyper-active infant, excessive drool.

FW: Cute Neighbour Girl fist tsemeehlvs
'Cause anyone who "fists themselves" is real *cute*.

Reply: Brand New First Timer Fucekd so hard
Brand new "first timer"? Brand new? Does that mean you send it back if the seal is broken?

FW: Sexy Housewires Impsosible Action
Housewires, eh? You know nothing is hotter than watching my electrical plugs get it on with my surge protectors.

do you like M.I.L.F's?
Marginally Illiterate Lesbian French-poodles? Sure, as long as they don't pee on the rug.

Fathers day - Pill specials
Because nothing says "I love you, Dad" like a bottle of illegal narcotics.

Single? Christian? Let us match you
With a Nazi Atheist named Bob.

My Naughty Mom!
Whoa, dude, keep that shit to yourself.

We have a Razor for you!
I can honestly say that's the first time in my life anyone has ever said those words to me.

I Love My Doctor!
Umm...good for you?

Let ThirtyPlusSingles help you find your mate.
30+ singles? If they can't find their own damn mates, how are they going to help me?

Watch Me Take My Clothes Off!
I'd rather watch paint dry, truth be told.

Girls Luv Big Black Dix!
I'm pretty sure it has little to do with the color and everything to do with the size.

Busty Teen Beauty!
Busty? Let's just say what we mean - big-tittied, big-assed bitch for you.

Teens Being Naughty!
This is really pretty vague. What are they doing? Not cleaning their room? Not doing their homework?

Reply: Cute Girls squirting milk
Squirting *milk*?! Wtf are they, COWS??!

Spam Recycling

Tuesday, January 4th, 2005

Original content b/c I love you all so much (and b/c it's bogus to have two quiz posts on one day - forgive me):

Another installment of Shanna's Silly Spam Titles. Enjoy the latest:

Snuggle up with Elvis Tonight
I don't jive with that necrophilia stuff.

I had a Orgy with two girls last night
Darling, that's called a menage a trois, not an orgy.

Innocent wemon double anal
Doesn't sound like a very "innocent" wemon to me.

RE: Young Whreos nice pussy
Those mean pussies always turn me off, too.

Young sluts getting creamy facials for $1.95
Wow, that's a great deal on facials! Do they offer this at Lockworks?

Rachel Leigh Cook already has a rolex! Need one?
You bet your bottom dollar. If Rachel Leigh Cook has one it's only a matter of time before it's all the rage; she being such trendsetter and all.

She Gives Great Handjobs!
A blowjob is extra, but she's not quite as good at those.

Fw: Loevly Wohre lvoe to eat out internal creampies
Internal creampies? No, honey, that isn't my dick, it's an external cream-injector.

Wet Bitch Enjoying Big Dick
Or "Dogs in Heat"

RE: Cute Slut Creampie
I used to have the recipe for this.

Remove your debt the Christian way
Just pray - it'll go away.

Reply: Horny Wrheos stuffing panties in pussy
Well what the hell else would they be stuffing in there?

She Likes It In Both Holes!
Consequently she has the cleanest nostrils this side of Texas.

Reply: Amateur 30 to 40 girls Cheating on spouse
What's this guy doing married to 30-40 women anyway?

Roses are red, violets are blue - Now how about $10,000 - just for you?
Roses can be pink and violets too - now just how gullible do I look to you?

Christian? Single? We have the solution.
Become a Satanist - they get all the dates.

Re: Unkown wrhoe Paid twenty bucks
Why would I want to watch some woman getting handed a $20?

RE: Stupid Psortitute spreading pussy lips
And venereal disease.

Can we do this together?
No way. Then you'll expect me to hold your hand through everything.

My wife screamed in ecstasy when she made love to my big penis
What is it? Detachable?

do you hate physical pain
Oh no, I'm a big fan, really.

Vico-din is yummy!
Ok, you know that's not candy, right?

eggplant toothpicks inside
I've been looking for some of those forever! Though I do prefer the asparagus flavored ones.

Kirby asked me to call you
And boy is he gonna be pissed when he finds out you just sent an email.

barrel-organ was worth something!
Yeah, but then the stocks on it just dropped...

My Horny Wife!
Coming to a theatre near you.

RE: Petrty woman to date with you
She fuck long time. Sucky, sucky too if you like.

She Squirts!
Wtf is she? A Super Soaker?

my mother emailed you!
I told you not to give that bitch my address.

Re: I need to look for a real man
Looking in the wrong place here, sweetheart.

The Amish phonebook
I wasn't aware they even had phones.

Eddie said hi!
Tell Eddie to fuck off.

can you assist your daughter
Can I? Shouldn't I have one first?

RE: Real Bitch Sucking Big Cock
I want to read one that says something like 'True Intellectual Humming Shriveled Nuts'

Rolex is forever. Are you for it?
Don't you mean "diamonds"?

you are the hypochondriac-amigo
You caught me! And I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling spam emails.

Date me?
Now that's just pathetic.

can Theresa come over and watch?
I mean, yeah, if she's into "Ed, Edd & Eddie" she can watch it with us.

This is that email you wanted
It took you long enough and I had to wade through all these other junk emails just to get to it.

Me and you with no husband
So we're getting joint divorces? I'm no good at guessing these things.

Wanna see me get rammed?
Nah, I'm not into that car accident shit.

get bigger in ur pants
Buy our new big, bulky wallet for only $9.95!!

Two things are sure in life: There is a God, and you are not him.
You're right, I'm a "her".

the cracks of my
...favorite china?

Excellent Rx and Splendid Rx and Splendiferous Rx
Three different subject lines - I just can't choose.

Do you want to make it bigger?
Sure, this small thumb has bothered me for years.

Parking Lot Philosophers

Monday, November 29th, 2004

Not much to say and even less time to post it, so I thought I'd share with you this piece from my website that I've put together. Spam Recycled (yes, these are all real). My comments in italics.

DOGFART SKANKS LIVE! 8376
I've gotten lots of these "dogfart skanks" ones - what IS a "dogfart skank"? Can someone enlighten me?

Make it So big she'll bleed!
I'm sure that you'll get lots of women that way - we love being ripped open.

correspond with attreactive Russian women
...that can't spell.

MAKE YOUR DICK DRAG ON THE FLOOR!
It may not do much else, but won't your friends be jealous?

RE: Your sister is in this adult flick!
That's sure going to make me click right away! Who thinks these things up?

my summer at the farm...i got pics!
Somehow I don't think these are your average, down-on-the-farm, family photos

NASTY DOGFART SLUTS TAKING IT HARD!
There's that word again

YOUNG SNOBBY CHICKS GETTING HAMMERED!
Is this some strange fetish I don't know about? Seeing "snobby" girls getting screwed??

CELEBRITY GANGBANG AND YOURE INVITED!
I guess this would depend on WHAT celebrities are involved

DRAG YOUR NEW HUGE COCK ON THE GROUND
That somehow seems painful

Where did you go? I'm all naked for you! from YummyNicole0000
Where I'd go? Where in the hell did you come from?

FREE FARM GIRLS
As opposed to those expensive ones you have to buy at Wal-Mart. This one came from someone named BIGGER_PENIS

IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS, YOUR DUMB
Even dumber than the person who doesn't know the correct usage of the words "your" and "you're"?

Super Blue Stuff Pain Relief - On Sale Today!
For some reason, I think I'd be better off in pain.

RIP HER APART WITH A MONSTER PRICK!
Roar, baby.

I'M NAKED NUDE AND LIVE FOR FREE!
Naked and nude? What are the chances??

Earnest's nude pics! OMG!
OMG - the idea of someone named Earnest in the buff scares me; what about you?

Touch my hole
Um, no - ugh

WATCH ME RIPPED APART ON MY WEBCAM!
For the murder enthusiast

Russian Women Won't Take You For Granted
So order one for your home today

Mike, here’s my Viagra guy
Take me to your dealer.

HI :) I NEED IT IN THE ASS
Now there's a greeting

dick slurping young ones
Young what? Aliens? Hippopotamus? Amoebas?

Lezbos go for the pussy licking award
Isn't that right after Miss America?

Real Woman ready to cheat
...and so desperate she has to find a partner to do so with online. Sounds like a winner.

I am moving tomorrow
You are?! Oh - I'll miss you SO MUCH! Wait - who in the hell are you?

yes.. .I am still a virgin
And yes, I still don't care.

Fw: Incoennt Psortitute Rimming
Also included - the most atrocious spelling you'll ever witness!

Reply: Awmseoe Fucking Caroton Wrehos
Notice they spelled 'fucking' right.

Re: Hot Hi Roeslution Dlownoadable Movies
I am convinced that they're hiring 6 year-olds from impoverished countries to type this shit out.

Do My Mom!
No, you pervert.

FW: Mature Moms wants a date
They're so much better than those immature Moms.

Christian Singles with Christian Principles
Because it's totally Christian to look for sex on singles' sites.

Re: Hot Woman Poohts
Am I correct in assuming that this email is offering me hot farts?

annnnnall girrrlss datttttinnnnngg siitttee
Who knew stuttering was evident in typing?

My Friend's Mom Fucked On This...
That's just great - thanks for sharing.

parking lot philosophers
How does one become one of these exactly?

bro - enhance your security
Like, totally, bro'. This security shit is da bomb - some p-h-a-t ass shit, ya hear me?

wahts for my brihtday?
"Spelling for Dummies"?

I have this feet problem
And this is supposed to make me want to open this email?

Poke her from the next room
With a super-massive-long-FINGER!

Soft at incredibly low prices
Great because soft is getting entirely too expensive these days.

WOW My Dick IS Huge
Good for you.

Your aunt needs this
How'd you know? She's been looking for 'this' for YEARS now!

Why aren't you Par Wilkie?
Well, fuck, why aren't you Brad Pitt? We could be having a lot more fun right now if you were.

Fire hydrant 8 fetishes
And I thought I was the only one with a fetish for fire hydrants.

We owe you $824425
Are you sure about that amount? I could've sworn it was $825324.

Increase your Dick weight
Because everyone knows its size weight that matters.

I fianally lost my cherry
And the spelling bee!

Respectable fedora hat
Because heaven forbid you walk out of the house in one of those *unrespectable* ones!

2 hrs/day can = $20,113/month
And I bet you've got a big, golden-ish bridge to sell me, too, right?

My sister is still a virgin.
How do you know & why do I care?

2 dicks in her butt
Because two is better than one.

Self Inflicted Financial Wounds
I do it to myself every time.

only you can prevent lard on your arse
After getting sick of fire prevention, Smokey moved on to the prevention of Ass Lard.

Claim your Free Barbeque
Pit? Meal? Sauce?

Re: Hot Teen Ejnoying Huge Dick
Um, isn't that illegal?

D0 YOU WANT Y0UR PEN|S TO BE HARD AlI THE TIME?
I'm not sure I really see the advantages of this.

Let us match you with a REAL person!
Drat, I was really looking to be paired up with a Sasquatch or an alien.

I love getting filled with sperm
Next time please just say 'I like to get fucked'.

Stupid Amateur Tenes Ejaculation video
Nothing quite turns me on like 'stupid' people.

Christian Debt Network – Saving families from debt.
But only Christian ones. The rest of you heathens can burn in hell with your debt.

Jesus Wants You to Save.
He loves you that much. This came from Christain Mortgage USA.

Be careful of downloading music files
But be sure to open this unsolicited and possibly virus-ridden email.

Passion should last forever
This came from "New Blue Pill". Passion in pill form - I personally prefer to take it in liquid.

FW: Stupid Amateur Girl Aweomse Fisting
Because no one can fist like stupid amateurs.

Looking for Quality Christian Singles?
Too bad you won't find them here.

If you love her you'll look
Nothing says I love you like opening spam emails.

You can be smart!
But you negate that the second you open this email.

even if you suck at paying your bills, we can get you a mortgage
I definitely want to deal with a company that uses the word "sucks" in its advertising, don't you?

Dripping Lady In Need for C0Ck!
Sounds to me like she's in need of a towel.

MILFs Love to Party

Saturday, June 19th, 2004

Did you know that women love men that take this blue pill? At least that's the scoop according to my junk email inbox. I've also learned that I will have a blast tonight; especially if I order my Viagra and Propecia here. Though I think I'm much more interested in the easy 2 minute application that will get me $500 USD by tomorrow. With all that extra money I could become the man ladies lust for, enlarge my penis to rip open my girlfriend or improve my love life. All of that sexual activity will no doubt leaving me craving some nicotine, so thank goodness that Fresh Cartons has the lowest cigarette prices on EARTH. When it's all said and done, I think I'm going to go and chill with those MILFs that love to party because, according to another email, older women know how to get it done.