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Archive for the 'Caffeine Tweakin’' Category

Coffee & Tweekend – Brrzzzzwap!

Friday, April 16th, 2004

Shanna + a full cup of coffee in her system + Crystal Method's Tweekend blaring on the radio = one crazy, road raging bitch on the morning commute.

Without fail, as soon as the caffeine kicks in, I am asking myself, "Self, why in the world did you drink coffee - again?!"

I don't like coffee; I don't like what it does to me, yet I sometimes find myself having a few sips for a quick late afternoon pick-me-up or an early morning help-me-get-up. A few sips is all I need. But today, like a dumbass, I go and down a whole cup just before I leave for work. Stupid stupid stupid. I apparently have this thing for doing bad, hurtful, or otherwise aggravating things to myself. I'm my own worst enemy.

So of course on the way in to work, some fucking brainless bitch has to get in my way and piss me off. I'm coming up on a red light, she's in the left lane, waiting and I'm coming up to the right lane and slowing down. All of a sudden, Brainless Bitch decides she would rather be waiting in the right lane so she swerves over to it as I'm coming up. I slam on my brakes, very narrowly missing her back end. I didn't honk - I'm trying to wean myself off of my abusive-horn-honking but I was cursing her lower than a dog and she saw definitely knew it - I saw her beady little eyes glance up nervously in the rearview mirror a few times and lip-reader or no, it was pretty obvious what was coming out of my mouth. The evil look I gave her back probably didn't help - as anyone who's ever gotten an extremely pissed off glare from a Scorpio can attest.

I honestly don't know if I made Brainless Bitch nervous or she just didn't know where she was going, or even how to drive to get there. I couldn't help but ride her ass because every few moments she would hit the brakes. And I don't mean she tapped them, she came almost to a complete stop in the middle of the flippin' highway - I don't know why. I couldn't decide if it was because she was looking for a turn or she thought she was going to get me off her ass - which, again, I couldn't help being on because she kept slamming on her brakes. Finally, we're coming to a green light and she hits her brakes - again - and the light turns yellow as she's doing this and coming up to it, so she slams on them at the light. Ugh! I'm still behind her, still cursing and shaking my head and throwing evil Scorpio eyes. As soon as the light turns green again, she goes through it riding her brakes and suddenly turns off at the very next opening - was she lost or scared of me? I'm not sure - honestly - it could've been either. I don't know what she thought I could've done to her in my Miata going up against her big Grand Am. Dumb bitch.

I swear to Christ, people in Baton Rouge can't drive - at all. They're awful. And now that more than half of the driving population are chatting on cell phones while driving, you can only imagine how much worse it's gotten. These people couldn't drive with their full attention on the road - now they're putting that half of one brain cell they have to talking on the phone, and they sure as hell have no skill or brainpower left with which with to drive! Would they please make that shit illegal? Please!

So last nite I had a web-designer-breakdown. After checking out Rachel's new blog & the one she designed for Gary I was thoroughly impressed. This chick knew her way around some CSS, and I thought to myself, not for the first time, "Damn, Self, we really need to sit down and fully learn this CSS shit" - along with all of the other new and innovative things that are used out there now to create kickass looking webpages. Then I sat down and started fooling around, looking up templates for some ideas on how I was going to do Rose's business site, which I already had a few ideas bubbling in my head for. I wandered into some heavy Flash & I-don't-even-know-what-else sites that loaded up with all kinds of pretty pictures and sounds and did all kinds of cool things, and I felt....well, wholly inadequate!

I knew the technology was advancing, but I hadn't had the time to sit down and teach myself DHTML, or Flash or CSS or any of it and I *knew* I was behind the times when it comes to web design, but seeing all of that, it really hit home. I felt like a little dick guy at big dick contest. Back when I learned HTML, I didn't have a job. I was young, visiting my parents for a month and spending all night on the computer; it was the first year I had gotten online. I taught myself the basics of HTML, enough to have my first webpage done, in roughly 12 hours (straight - no breaks). But in not making the time in my now busy and hectic adult life, I've fallen seriously behind. How can I call myself a web designer when I all I can do is write HTML like it's my second language and know the very, very basics of CSS? For the first time in a long time, I had an idea for a site in my head that I didn't have the know-how to sit and make come to life on the screen. And I can't stand that. So no more fucking around - it's time to learn all of these new-fangled design styles & techniques once and for all; I won't stop 'til I'm a master of each one. No more excuses - and I won't call myself a designer again 'til I'm done, and learned!!

I'm absolutely too tweaked out to be posting anymore. I'm making no sense - all gibberish and my hands are shaking like there's an earthquake. No more coffee! Coffee is BAD!