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Archive for the 'Home & Garden' Category

PMS is a Bitch

Sunday, August 3rd, 2003

Right now I want to kill someone. I'm in a rage.

I woke up in an okay mood this morning, but then a bunch of little things started happening that just pissed me off - way more than it should've, granted, but still. I'm PMSing, ok??

I left to go and get some McDonalds' breakfast - a damn sausage biscuit b/c they're only $0.69 and I'm broke as fuck. (Really, my lunch today & supper tonight will come from the $0.99 menu at Wendy's - there's no food in the house either).

As I step out onto my patio, I'm blinded by the gleaming, white concrete. The stupd-idiot-fucks that my landlord calls "maintenance men" came by this past Thursday and pressure washed all the sidewalks. This sounds like a good thing, and it would be if these men weren't such stupid-idiot-fucks. Last time they came they did a "touch up" paint job on the exterior of the place. In stupid-idiot-fuck language this means smearing some paint on a few dark spots and leaving the more obvious stains and chipping paint alone. Why? I dare not ask. I could've cared less about their feeble attempts at fixing up except they dripped paint all over my patio. There was more paint on my plants, barbq pit and Templar cross (that I'd just recently bought in New Orleans) than on the damn walls!!! I was furious about the cross - I called my landlord up and complained. He sent the fucktards back and they cleaned it up.

So this morning I step out and notice the rug has been moved a little - likely from the cats running across it at break-neck speeds - and the cement showing from under it is grotesque! It's made even more garish by the clean, white cement all around it. Somehow the stupid-idiot-fucks managed to break a flower pot and shoot my cat bowl half across the patio whilst cleaning but they were too damn lazy to pick up the mats and spray under them!! I hate them.

So I go to McDonalds - pissed off because my $0.69 biscuit is $1.08 with tax - get home and realize the dumb bitch didn't put any fucking napkins in my bag! Grrrr I have no napkins at my desk, where I'm eating, and I'm not about to get off my crippled ass and hobble down the stairs for ONE paper towel. I have nothing to wipe my crumbly, greasy hands on. Murder is now on my mind (I've always thought the asshats at that particular McDick's must be related to the stupid-idoit-fucks my landlord employs as "maintenance men").

So I'm sitting here, pissed off, PMSing, greasy...but at least not hungry. I think I'll go listen to some cool, calming music now...Sunday mornings are always a perfect time for jazz....

Park Elsewhere, Fucktards

Thursday, July 24th, 2003

This pisses me off enough that I must post before hitting the bed, and I don't think anyone will disagree with me on this one (I dare you to try). I live near a college town - in fact, two steps away from the gates of the college. In moving here, I knew parking would be a big problem and I accept that. The road I live on actually becomes a parking lot and our small apartment complex with our exactly-the-number-of-parking-spaces-as-there-are-apartments is constantly full of cars. From Wednesday - Saturday nite is the worst; don't expect to have a place to park if you come home after 7 pm.

This has always been a source of great aggravation to me - especially since we can no longer get anyone towed. Down the road is a huge parking lot, but people are too damn lazy to park there and walk (god-fucking-forbid!). I have, since childhood, suffered from a bum knee. Coming home at night and having to park two streets away from my apartment was more than an inconvenience; it was a painful and unnecessary aggravation. I would get so infuriated thinking of all the dumb fuckers who could walk perfectly fucking well but were too damn lazy to enjoy the beautiful freedom of mobility.

A year ago I had surgery to correct my bum knee - but instead ended up worse than when I started. I've been crippled and on crutches for a year and almost a month. When I come home late, as I did tonite, and see all of these ignorant, lazy, taking-their-mobility-for-granted fuckheads crowding up our little parking lot, I want to bust all of their windshields. I want to park behind their car and block them in - leaving a note on the windshield that says "Knock on #__ and I'll move" and let them see a girl on crutches open the door. It probably wouldn't make a difference anyway; they'd be too stupid to see the poignancy of it.

There are eight spots and eight apartments. There are signs all over saying "DO NOT PARK". I've seen people read these signs and park anyway - and pretend to look confused when we tell them they can't park here. Whatever happened to "do unto others...". How would these same asswipes feel if someone parked in their driveway or personal parking space? They'd flip out - I promise you. The thing that gets me the most is that they don't care. Who cares if someone who lives here can't park? Who gives a rat's ass if they're a single female having to park far away from her apartment and walk back, alone, in the middle of the night? Why should I care that one of the tenants here is crippled and might not be able to park far away and walk home? As long as I don't have to use the lovely, working legs that Nature gave me and take a few more steps than really necessary is all that matters.. Fuck them. Fuck all of them and their piece of shit (and even, oft times, very expensive) fucking cars. I hope they leave them stranded somewhere.

I'll tell you this - when I'm walking again - I'll park as far away as I can from my destination. Don't take anything for granted - ever.