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Archive for the 'Non-Blonde Moments' Category

You’ve Got a Little Something On Your Forehead

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

First thing this morning, I was sitting in my office getting ready to start the day.  The #2 in charge of the agency I work for was making his way down the hallway, greeting everyone as he walked by.

He stopped for a moment in my doorway; long enough to tell me good morning and to ask me how I was doing.

I immediately noticed he had - what looked like - an ink smudge on his face and wondered if I should say anything.  It was one of those, "If I had a booger, ink smudge, toilet paper on my heel, etc. I'd want someone to tell me" moments.

So, bravely and - thinking I'm being helpful - I blurted out, "Oh, um, you've got something, looks like an ink smudge...er, on your forehead."

To which he replied, "Oh no, that's my ashes.  For Lent."

*foreheadslap*

"Oh, oh god, I...," I stammered.  "Right.  Lent.  I'm sorry...I'm Methodist."

Good answer, eh? 0_O

The worse part was the look on his face as he explained his ashy forehead to me.  It was complete confusion; as if he couldn't figure out if I was serious (and very stupid or an atheist - or both) or joking (and had a fairly lame sense of humor).  Either way, I'd say his opinion of me likely dropped a few notches - which is great; I totally need one of the highest bosses in the office thinking I'm a half-witted, God-hating Bible-burner with a bad sense of humor.

I’m Dumb

Tuesday, January 13th, 2004

What a weekend I've had!

First, you've got to hear about my latest blonde moment. Remember when I went to the wrong doctor's office and locked my keys in my car? This almost tops that.

I decided, on the spur of the moment, to go to the movies Sunday night. Alone. I've always wanted to go to the movies alone - I don't know why - but I'd never gotten around to it. I decided this was the nite. I had 20 minutes to get ready and get there (it isn't far from my apartment), but I also had to stop and get gas in the car. I thought about waiting on the gas until after the movie, but I didn't feel like possibly getting stranded at the theater (Irony #1).

By time I got to the theater, I was in a mad rush. I made a hasty decision to leave my purse and only bring myself and my cash. I was in such a hurry that one thought zoomed through my mind as I shut the car door - "you just locked the keys in there". Oh well, no time to worry about it now. I went in and watched "Cold Mountain" (very good - just don't go see it if you're already kind of down - it's rather depressing) and came back out to hunt down a payphone. Not wanting to get stranded at the theater indeed. It took 30+ mins for my rescue to come.

You see, I was in Baret's car - but my car keys were on the same keyring as the ones locked in his car. He had to get one of my friends to come pick him up and bring him to the theater - thankfully he had an extra key for his car.

Irony #2 - The Main Irony of the Night - had to be the gigantic poster ad that I couldn't stop looking at in the theater lobby as I waited. It was for a Mazda vehicle (of course) and said in big, white letters: LIGHTS. CAMERA. CAR KEYS. Cute.

Yesterday I had off from work - yea! The reason was the inauguration of our new governor, Kathleen Blanco; Louisiana's first female governor. I thought it was pretty cool that she said her vows in English and Cajun French - a heritage that is truly dying from our state.

Baret had to be present at the ceremony, and he called me about mid-day to inform me that a particular crowd had arrived that I might have an interest in.

"They're here," he told me.

"They who?"

"The crazy Christian people with the crazy signs - from the website."

I knew exactly who he was talking about - my old friends at Westboro Baptist Church. We'd spent a holy Sunday perusing their site - and laughing our asses off (mixed with a good bit of honest bewilderment). These people...how can I find the words?

If you're curious as to what they're all about, I believe their URL sums it up nicely:
godhatesfags.com. Yes it is, and yes, they do.

They seem to think being gay or being accepting of gay people is the #1 worst sin that can be committed. They readily admit that, to them, God is not Love, God is Hate. They are also anti-American - some of their signs are upside down American flags. You might remember them from their picketing at the funeral of poor Matthew Shepard. Why would they put this poor family through more torment - what could the possibly have to say of such a tragic event? Well, I think this sums it up pretty well.

Our wacky friends at Westboro Baptist Church claim in their "Purpose" statement:
"GOD HATES FAGS" -- though elliptical -- is a profound theological statement, which the world needs to hear more than it needs oxygen, water and bread."

Yes, now knowing this, I, too, no longer feel the need for air or sustenance. It must be a miracle.

Truly, these people are demented. If you want a hoot, take a moment to check out their FAQ.

And what, you may ask, were the asshats of WBC doing picketing the inauguration of Louisiana's governor? I don't follow politics, but my best friend (who is gay) told me he read that she is all for gay rights. That's enough to bring the the freaks a-callin' - resplendent with their "Thank God for 9-11" and "Fags Burn In Hell" signs a-wavin'. What I wonder is what the fucktards would've done had they realized they were standing across the street from Baton Rouge's biggest gay neighborhood?

Really, I don't have to dog on 'em all that much - they make themselves look worse than I ever could, talented wordsmith or not. The scary thing is that there are gullible enough idiots out there that listen to and follow this man. I'm not Christian, so it's not for me to say - but if I were, I would be infuriated that such hateful people smeared my religion's name by calling it their own.

And I must leave you with this thought-provoking license plate that I saw yesterday. It said only:

4 Bush

As I sat and pondered over exactly which p-word representation of "bush" he was referring to I realized - either way you look at it - that's a pretty twisted thing to put on your license plate.