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Archive for July, 2003

Hellish Monday

Monday, July 28th, 2003

Welcome to hell...sorry, I mean Monday. There's only one good thing about Monday. It goes by quickly.

Do you find that you never truly wake up on Monday? You sort of go through the entire day half-awake and not really there? Maybe it's just me. I think I need some coffee - and I don't even drink coffee.

And The Answer Is…

Saturday, July 26th, 2003

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
Life in Extremes

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
"Ordinary World" by Duran Duran, "Come Down" by Bush, "Over the Edge" by L.A. Guns, "Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park, "Make Me Bad" by KoRn and "Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
Well an anime would be cool as hell, but my life is too dramatic for a 'toon so it'd have to be live.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
Angelina Jolie would play me
Christina Ricci would play Shannan
Matthew Lillard would play my ex, Spoon
Heather Graham would play my friend, Lauren
Sally Field would play my Mom
and Matt Damon would be The Worm

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
Fade to dirty Bourbon Street at 4 am - when it's nearly dead
Flash the my quote "This passion that drives me oft consumes me..."
Fade to scene of Spoon and I fighting, fade to high school with Lauren, fade to me driving my car and crying
Continue flashing through extreme life scenes (bad then good) as "Ordinary World" plays in the background
Flash words "Life is nothing....if not lived in extremes..."
Fade to black

They’re Dead…And?

Friday, July 25th, 2003

No, no really.... we killed them!!

Please, let it go. You could take their dead bodies on a tour of Iraq in a freezer-cold Pope mobile, and they still won't believe they're really dead. We've had to see pictures of their dead and shot-up bodies and now crappy, melting (and rather creepy) facial reconstructions on their rotting corpses. Stop it - it's gross and no one cares anymore. They're dead - fine - you'd be more convincing if you stopped trying so hard to prove it.

And if I die, please don't let whoever is doing mortuary work for the U.S. Government work on me. Blech... I've seen bloated, rotting corpses that looked better than that.

My Two Dads

Friday, July 25th, 2003

Not but two weeks ago I'd started posting in here about a huge event in my life. At a sudden phone call, I'd stopped but now would like to repost it and get some feedback (if you don't mind?).

***
16 Jul 2003

Waiting. It sucks ass. Right now I am waiting on something most people never have to wait on - something that will change my life forever. As of three weeks ago, I've been waiting on a paternity test. Not for me - I don't have kids (think about that, now); but to learn which of my two dads is really my dad. Pins and needles doesn't really describe it. I really am just trying not to think about it - but as the date the results are supposed to come back in (today or tomorrow) looms large, I find myself getting antsy.

Picture it - Baton Rouge, Louisiana, February 1977 - it's a lovely moonlit nite and two young and star-crossed lovers are consummating their passion for the last time. Little, love-child me was conceived that nite - in the back of a Chevy van parked on the levee along the Mississippi River. So what went wrong? How did this little seemingly delightful-sounding-hippie-conception take such a dark turn?

The doomed lovers in question were my mother and her high school sweetheart, who had tentatively parted ways. The third player in this little drama is what changes our little tale from a happy Sunday family movie to a twisted clandestine Lifetime drama; my Dad. And so our cast is complete Mom, K., Dad and, eventually, Me. Mom, at this time, had fallen head-over-heels for my Dad and they were dating. Naturally, the little reunion between his girl and her former guy did not make him happy, but he forgave her. A few months later when she came up pregnant, he married her without a thought and claimed the baby was "his - without a doubt".

Fast-forward 18 years. Me finds out from Mom about the affair and the possibility that Dad is...not. Me is shocked - naturally. Mom recalls a dream Me had at the age of 12 - that K. was following me around trying to tell me something. At the time, I thought it odd to be having a dream about a man I'd never met. Mom tells me she has always believed I was really K.'s - and that I look like him and act like him. This makes sense, as I'm very different from my more conservative siblings.

This it-could-be-and-most-probably-is went on, untouched, for over seven years. I always longed to know the truth, and to meet K. I saw him once, at my cousin's football game, and knew whom he was from across a football field! It was bizarre, but I can only explain it this way: the way he held himself (walked) was oddly familiar. I realized, it was the way I walk. This past April, due to a string of incidences, I came to meet K. We hit it off immediately - and both felt a definite bond with the other. It was July before we could afford to get the paternity test done to know for sure, but no one doubted it.

That is where I left you when I started this post; I am continuing it now. We did some mail-order paternity test from the Internet. In hindsight, maybe not the best idea, but it seemed to be very reputable; and it was about $300 cheaper. K. told me that - no matter what the results said - he still wants me in his life and I told him I felt the same. The anticipation was killing us, so Mom called the company and asked what the results were "so far". Imagine all of our shock when they said, "He's not the father." It just made no sense. My Mom had believed it with all of her heart - and mothers know. We all had. Even my friends who hadn't met K. were shocked. Everyone thinks we should do it again - legit and at a place here in Baton Rouge. We are going to do so.

It was funny because all three of us were so worried about how each other was going to take it. Surprisingly, we're all okay. As I told them that evening, "Friends are the family you choose." It all happened for a reason and we all came into each other's lives at this point and time because of that. Of course I'm disappointed, and yes, it hurts. For 18 years I believed one thing, then for 7 more I believed another. Now I don't know what to feel. It's not that I don't love my Dad completely, and I'm unhappy to be of his blood; not that at all. I suppose, unless it's something you've experienced, it really can't be explained. It's still, ultimately, been positive though. I have a great new friend and his family still wants to meet me, and accept me. The whole thing is still confusing - I do look like him and we do have a lot in common. But, I just felt like getting it all out...so thanks for taking the time to read it.

Park Elsewhere, Fucktards

Thursday, July 24th, 2003

This pisses me off enough that I must post before hitting the bed, and I don't think anyone will disagree with me on this one (I dare you to try). I live near a college town - in fact, two steps away from the gates of the college. In moving here, I knew parking would be a big problem and I accept that. The road I live on actually becomes a parking lot and our small apartment complex with our exactly-the-number-of-parking-spaces-as-there-are-apartments is constantly full of cars. From Wednesday - Saturday nite is the worst; don't expect to have a place to park if you come home after 7 pm.

This has always been a source of great aggravation to me - especially since we can no longer get anyone towed. Down the road is a huge parking lot, but people are too damn lazy to park there and walk (god-fucking-forbid!). I have, since childhood, suffered from a bum knee. Coming home at night and having to park two streets away from my apartment was more than an inconvenience; it was a painful and unnecessary aggravation. I would get so infuriated thinking of all the dumb fuckers who could walk perfectly fucking well but were too damn lazy to enjoy the beautiful freedom of mobility.

A year ago I had surgery to correct my bum knee - but instead ended up worse than when I started. I've been crippled and on crutches for a year and almost a month. When I come home late, as I did tonite, and see all of these ignorant, lazy, taking-their-mobility-for-granted fuckheads crowding up our little parking lot, I want to bust all of their windshields. I want to park behind their car and block them in - leaving a note on the windshield that says "Knock on #__ and I'll move" and let them see a girl on crutches open the door. It probably wouldn't make a difference anyway; they'd be too stupid to see the poignancy of it.

There are eight spots and eight apartments. There are signs all over saying "DO NOT PARK". I've seen people read these signs and park anyway - and pretend to look confused when we tell them they can't park here. Whatever happened to "do unto others...". How would these same asswipes feel if someone parked in their driveway or personal parking space? They'd flip out - I promise you. The thing that gets me the most is that they don't care. Who cares if someone who lives here can't park? Who gives a rat's ass if they're a single female having to park far away from her apartment and walk back, alone, in the middle of the night? Why should I care that one of the tenants here is crippled and might not be able to park far away and walk home? As long as I don't have to use the lovely, working legs that Nature gave me and take a few more steps than really necessary is all that matters.. Fuck them. Fuck all of them and their piece of shit (and even, oft times, very expensive) fucking cars. I hope they leave them stranded somewhere.

I'll tell you this - when I'm walking again - I'll park as far away as I can from my destination. Don't take anything for granted - ever.

What Was That?

Thursday, July 24th, 2003

I wasn't always this cynical. Wait - yes I was. Okay, I wasn't always this bitchy. When I'd get on a roll, sure, but it seems all of my writings lately have been nothing but big bitch fests and gripes about the world. But, shit, there's a lot to gripe about there. Still, just wanted my as-yet-non-existent-fans to know I'm not all crank and foul.

There are good things in the world: cats, sunsets, beaches, beer, pizza, music and car horns (I use mine profusely). And there's always sex. The world can't be all bad as long as there is sex in it. "..and these are a few of my favorite things.." (sing along with me now).

I had all kinds of things I was going to post on here - then I got called into my supervisor's meeting. Came back to my desk to start again and a co-worker stopped at my cube and we got to talking about energy, light and color diets and purple plates (I'm a huge Linda Goodman fan). Then four people came to tell me that our servers were down. Alas, it is now 5 mins 'til I walk out the door and I can't remember a damn thing I sat down here to post about!!

Sodomy or Bust!

Thursday, July 24th, 2003

I'd meant to comment on this article a while back.

Fuck Pat Robertson.

Need I say more?

No, but why don't we talk about some of his more ignorant peers...

Rant

Frist Endorses Idea of Gay Marriage Ban

My first question here, among all the other obvious ones, is why in the fuck we're wasting money and time on worrying about gay marriages when there are so many other important issues out there the government needs to be concerned with. Protecting us from terrorist attacks is high priority for government, whether a man and a man want to be legally united is not.

At least, it shouldn't be. The problem with lawmakers getting their panties in a wad over gay marriage is that it's completely personal. The'yre not pushing a ban because they think it will help their country or even win them votes. They're doing it because they're ignorant, bible-beating assholes who think they have a right to interfere in people's personal lives if they believe said personal life disagrees with their views on their god.

Sen. Bill Frist "said the Supreme Court's decision last week on gay sex threatens to make the American home a place where criminality is condoned"? I didn't know the Supreme Court made any decisions about "gay sex". They made a decision about "anal and oral sex", but I didn't hear anything about gay sex. Yes, the law is generally viewed as a law against acts that homosexuals commit - but if that were truly true, wouldn't cunnilingus be listed, also? Are lesbians more legal than gay men? And besides, are we saying here that straight people don't practice oral or anal sex? I didn't think so.

Yet, the more blaring part of Sen. Frist's ignorance is that the decision "threatens" to make the American home a place where criminality is condoned. I'm not sure where Frist is gathering his data, but no one's going to run out in the streets and start having lewd, public acts of anal sex just because a ban has been lifted. The number of people getting it up the ass (straight and gay) is not going to rise just because the Supreme Court has now made it legal. You have people that say "if marijuana became legal, I would smoke it"; no one ever said "if anal sex becomes legal, I'm going to do it". Because people have always done it - and they will continue to do so, quietly and in the privacy of their own homes. The Supreme Court's decision was a banner for the gay community because the law was used against them (even though it was not supposed to specifically target them), and it opens the door for them to have the same rights as everyone else. That's all.

Now, if Frist is saying (as I believe he is) that this big step for gays is going to start an unprecedented wave of violence in America, or corrupt the "family values" that people still stupidly cling to in this world of broken homes and murdering mothers, it only proves the ignorance I've applied to him throughout this essay.

"I have this fear that this zone of privacy that we all want protected in our own homes is gradually - or I'm concerned about the potential for it gradually being encroached upon, where criminal activity within the home would in some way be condoned," Frist told ABC's "This Week."

Who lets morons like this run our country? What the fuck is he talking about anyway? What criminal activity in the home? So, Mom and Dad can now legally suck, lick and stick it in nefarious places? That's already going on, Sen. Frist. Are you married? My condolences to your wife.

In one of the largest in-depth studies of American attitudes, a national survey of 5,700 adults found that almost 30% of divorced adults cited physical abuse as the reason for their divorce. 89% of children witness abuse at home. (http://studentlife.tamu.edu/gies/SexViolence/relvstat.htm) In some states, 63% of the children in jail for murder are there for the killing of an abusive parent. (http://womensissues.about.com/library/bldomesticviolencestats4.htm). Something tells me that most violence in the home has little to do with whether Frank and Eric, the gay couple living next door, are packin' the fudge every Tuesday night. Ridding America of the sodomy law isn't going to "condone" violence in the homes. Sodomy has nothing to do with violence in homes. But there I go again stating the obvious.

Frist also said "absolutely" that he was all for banning gay marriages. Of course - if we let them fuck and it magically makes violence grow, can you imagine what would happen if we let them marry?! For chrissakes, it'd be the end of the world as we know it. Armageddon.

Their big bitch is that we'd be ruining "family values" (those still exist?); that the traditional man-woman marriage is the only way to keep this country pure and good. I didn't know we were. What's this big deal about keeping marriage sacred anyway when, in 1997, the likelihood of new marriages ending in divorce was at 43%. And the number keeps growing. Marriage isn't sacred anymore - more than half the time, it doesn't even last. Why all this hype about keeping marriage for only the straight people? They've fucked it up all to hell.

"World magazine culture critic Gene Edward Veith notes that the homosexual drive to gain marital benefits is destroying the institution of marriage itself as people abandon commitment and embrace the "gay" notion of serial monogamy with "sex partners." (from http://www.cultureandfamily.org/articledisplay.asp?id=2927&department=CFI&categoryid=papers#undermine).

First, the statement seems to assume that gay people can't fall in love, that their reasons for wanting to get married are somehow "wrong" or "impure" as opposed to the reasons straight people get married. Can we reflect for a moment on some of the reasons straight people do get married; getting knocked up, money, a need to not be alone, "it's just what you do", etc, etc. Enough said. And as for "destroying the institution of marriage" - get over it people. The "institution of marriage" is dead and has been for quite some time. No one's going to be able to destroy something that's already been abused, shattered and soiled - by the very people that are crying to protect its sanctity.

The above listed web page is yet another group of people hiding behind the gripe that letting gays be gay is corrupting America, when, in fact, it simply offends their sensitive religious ideals. This is from their site, too: "When marriage is undermined, entire communities suffer. Fagan notes that broken households increase the risk for children of:

health problems;
retarded cognitive, especially verbal, development;
low educational attainment;
behavior problems;
low impulse control;
warped social development;
physical and sexual abuse;
crime in the local community.

The breakdown in marriage even leads to shorter lives. A study in the American Journal of Sociology found that "for both sexes, the hazard of dying falls significantly with marital duration, suggesting a cumulation of the benefits of marriage over time."

Now, while every statistic listed above is undoubtedly true (or half-way believable, at best), those statistics have nothing to do with gay marriages. They are statistics written about marriage as it stands today - in heterosexual households. Letting gay people get married does not undermine marriage - they sure as hell can't fuck up the tradition as badly as we have. Having a gay couple in the neighborhood, isn't going to make yourhousehold or your marriage suffer. Try minding your own damn business -it works wonders.

As a conclusion, the "concerned women" (i.e. uptight, unsatisfied housewives with way too much time on their hands), state, "The stakes are very high: Absent a marriage-based culture, can America continue to function as a self-governing republic? History indicates that the chances are slim."

First of all, we're not self-governing. If you believe that your freedom is really free, you need to wake up. If we were really free, people in government wouldn't have the right to tell you who you can and cannot love, have sex with, and be joined with. Besides, we aren't even a marriage-based culture anymore, we're a divorce-based culture, and adultery-based culture, an abuse-based culture - we're attacking the simple fact that gay people want to have sex and be married by saying that it will increase the violence in our homes and communities, that it will ruin our morals and corrupt our children when in fact, the main problem with violence and immorality in our lives is because we refuse to take responsibility for our own actions. Stop worrying what all the gay people are doing, and pay attention to your own life - your own failing marriage and your own bad kids. Stopping violence and re-establishing family values is as simple as putting as much work into your home life as you do trying to ban others from having one. Live and let live - and mind your own fucking business.

And on a side side note,
Bush says "I don't know if it's necessary yet" in regards to banning gay marriages, however he states, "What I do support is a notion that marriage is between a man and a woman." Well, I support is marriage between two people that love each other and a fucking government that keeps their damn religious opinions to themselves.