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Archive for April, 2004

Grab a Tissue…

Thursday, April 29th, 2004

I can be one hard bitch, but when it comes to animals, my heart is huge. This article made me cry with happy tears:

Cat Found in SF Reunited With Fla. Owner

SAN FRANCISCO - Cheyenne, a cat that went missing in Florida seven years ago and was recently found wandering streets, was reunited Wednesday with her owner, who was flown to San Francisco at Ellen DeGeneres' expense.

"Ellen is a huge animal lover," said Michelle Gross, a spokeswoman for the talk show host. "When she heard about this woman being separated from her cat, she just wanted to help reunite her and have her on the show."

After picking up Cheyenne from the city's Animal Care and Control department, Pamela Edwards and her daughter went to Los Angeles to tape a future episode of DeGeneres' show.

Edwards adopted the black short-haired cat from her local animal shelter in Bradenton, Fla., in 1997. The cat disappeared a few months later.

Earlier this month, Edwards got a call from San Francisco, where city workers had scanned Cheyenne's implanted microchip and learned she belonged to Edwards, 2,800 miles away in Florida.

By coincidence, the woman took the call the same day she was taking her other cat, who was 19 years old, to be euthanized. Cheyenne is now 10 years old.

How did the cat make such a journey?

"Possibly, someone found her in Florida," said Deb Campbell, spokeswoman for Animal Care and Control. "Or sometimes cats get stuck in moving vans. We know she didn't walk here — her feet looked pretty good."

I don't know what touched me more about this story - other than a kitty lost seven years ago being found across the country (I love those stories) - the fact that the woman was going to be euthanizing her 19 year old cat that very day she got the call, or that I woke up this morning thinking of Gilly and missing her terribly and somehow this story made me feel better.

Also, thanks to everyone who left suggestions - such wonderful suggestions! - to help me stock my pantry. I'm on my way to being a real cook - or, at least, someone who has something in her shelves to cook!

Pantry Question

Monday, April 26th, 2004

Quick question - as I'm still new at all of this "playing house/being an adult" stuff (yes, I know I'm almost 30, but better late than never, right?), I'm always stumped when it comes to grocery shopping. Since my lazy arse only goes about every six months (I'm trying to do better), I really need things that will keep for a long time. I also need things that are easy to throw together at the last minute, and that are "versatile" - something that could be used for a myriad of different quick recipes. I'm really tired of the fast-food, frozen-food, junk-food lifestyle and being on a first name basis with all of Papa John's delivery people. I need to start cooking - but first, I need a well-stocked kitchen. If I have to run to the store everytime I want to cook, I ain't cooking.

I guess what I'm asking is, what are your kitchen staples; the things you keep your pantry/fridge stocked with at all times that allows you to whip up various meals at any given time? What are your must-haves and always-stocked items?


Hi There

Monday, April 26th, 2004

Too busy to post anything meaningful - just wanted to say I hope everyone had a great weekend. The crawfish was *excellent* and I drowned my sorrows in too many beers. Spent all of the rainy Sunday playing The Sims only to learn it's damn hard without the 'rosebud' cheat!!!


Cuntrag Whores Should Die

Friday, April 23rd, 2004

Thank you to the stupid, fucking cuntrag whore who kicked my PMS into action this morning by almost hitting my car.

The bitch was driving a silver new Beetle - which if you've ever driven a new Beetle, has some decided blind spots. Taking this into consideration, if you start moving over into the right lane and hear brakes screeching and a horn being layed on, your first instinct, normally, would be to jerk back over into your lane. Right?

Unless you are the stupid, fucking cuntrag whore who felt so strongly that she needed to be in my lane, she risked hitting me to get there. She didn't hit her brakes or jerk back over, she just kept coming over, as if her original intent was to bully her way between the car in front of me and myself where there was hardly no room in the near bumper-to-bumper traffic. Then she waves at me - she fucking waves at me as if to say, "Thanks for letting me in."

I didn't let you in, you fucking whore, you almost HIT me! The only reason I "let" you in is because had I not slammed on my brakes, there would have been a nice, new silver Beetle dent in the side of Baret's fucking car!!

I was teetering on the edge of sanity as it was - it's been a long and hard work week and it was taking everything I had just to go in and face even one more day of it. But stupid, fucking cuntrag whore set me off and, most likely, this will be my attitude for the rest of the day. My tolerance for stupidity is now nil, so more than a few people are going to get eyerolls and snappish answers before the day is done. Thank you for kicking my PMS in, bitch.

I just keep saying to myself "crawfish boil on Saturday, crawfish boil on Saturday" and everything will be alright. My mantra.

The Take a Wife Masterpiece

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004

Not much time to post these days, as you can see. But I thought you'd all like a preview of the latest to join the Halls of Stupid (he will be added when I have a bit more time). Really, it's long and pretty boring for most of it, but how often do you get an actual marriage proposal?

The Take a Wife Masterpiece

titaniq_2003: hello
valeria_messalinna: hi
titaniq_2003: nice too meet you
titaniq_2003: how are you
valeria_messalinna: Ok
titaniq_2003: ok ty
valeria_messalinna: Thank you for what?
valeria_messalinna: ?
titaniq_2003: Take a wife that are you knowing
valeria_messalinna: What??
titaniq_2003: Take a wife be my friend
valeria_messalinna: Take a wife?
valeria_messalinna: You're not making any sense
valeria_messalinna: ?
titaniq_2003: yes
valeria_messalinna: You didn't answer my question
titaniq_2003: The crystal of your request
valeria_messalinna: Um....what does that mean?
titaniq_2003: I really look for a young woman my friend is from distance
valeria_messalinna: Urgh - you're looking for a long-distance friend???
valeria_messalinna: I take it English is not your first language?
titaniq_2003: He became soft I look for a friend take a wife an agreement my demand is by me
valeria_messalinna: You do realize that made absolutely no sense, right?
titaniq_2003: you have pls webcam
valeria_messalinna: No, I don't haev pls webcam
valeria_messalinna: You're looking for a wife?
titaniq_2003: my name is madani you pls
valeria_messalinna: Shanna
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: A livestock is from the wife
valeria_messalinna: So, again, what are you looking for? I mean, why did you IM me?
valeria_messalinna: A livestock is from the wife? I don't understand anything you're saying. What does that mean?
titaniq_2003: He became soft I look for the wife
valeria_messalinna: Who became soft?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Ok? Ok what? Who became soft?
titaniq_2003: My saying take a wife be my friend knows me for language
valeria_messalinna: Ok sure. I still don't get where the soft part came in, but ok.
valeria_messalinna: I think you're using the word "take" incorrectly, perhaps?
titaniq_2003: They thanked
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: ??????? Are you using some type of translator or do you naturally massacre the English language this badly?
titaniq_2003: im have my photo
valeria_messalinna: Good for you
titaniq_2003: not
valeria_messalinna: Not?
titaniq_2003: im have my pohoto
valeria_messalinna: Yes, you said that already
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: hello
titaniq_2003: *he posted a link to his photo - which I'll post as soon as stupid-fucking COX gets their shit together and I can get into my webspace*
titaniq_2003: im my photuo
valeria_messalinna: Ok. I see your photo.
titaniq_2003: Take a wife masterpiece
valeria_messalinna: Are you saying that your photo is a "take a wife masterpiece"?
titaniq_2003: From where countries please
valeria_messalinna: You have a pretty high opinion of yourself, don't you?
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: Is my agreement by me my demand is to be my friend
titaniq_2003: I am sad O shanna
valeria_messalinna: Why are you sad?
titaniq_2003: But I am a discussion many but not do we obey
valeria_messalinna: Uh...because you're demanding people to be your friend and they won't obey you? Is that what you're trying to say?
titaniq_2003: I hope your my my friend is my being with me in future
valeria_messalinna: How can I be your friend? I don't know you
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Ok....jeez
valeria_messalinna: Where did you learn English?
titaniq_2003: I hope your my be with me from the recent from the Internet
valeria_messalinna: We've been talking all of five minutes - how can I be your friend?
valeria_messalinna: Besides, how could I be friends with you when I can't understand half of what you're saying?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Seriously, where did you learn English?
titaniq_2003: I hope your my to know me for language and that with me in a future is in that
valeria_messalinna: Dude, that made no sense. Your English is horrible
titaniq_2003: My friend is a regret but not corporal
valeria_messalinna: Corporal? Do you even know what that word means??
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: No, not ok. Answer the question, please
titaniq_2003: He was sincere with me to live with you my you are my life
valeria_messalinna: First, who is "he"??? Second, I am your life?
titaniq_2003: Take a wife be with me in future
valeria_messalinna: "take" a wife? Are you meaning "be my wife"?
titaniq_2003: He became soft you are my life I am good from feed from me
valeria_messalinna: That made NO SENSE
valeria_messalinna: Are you asking me to be your wife?
valeria_messalinna: Like as in, marry you?
titaniq_2003: yes He yes be a husband me
valeria_messalinna: Wow...um...omg
valeria_messalinna: I mean...this is so sudden.
valeria_messalinna: Ok, yes, I will be your wife.
valeria_messalinna: I mean, you being the 'take a wife masterpiece' and all, how could I not?
titaniq_2003: They thanks take a wife an agreement be my wife
valeria_messalinna: Yes, an agreement, ok. I will be your wife. When will we get married?
titaniq_2003: I that inclined your that live with you are in your countries my in near future
valeria_messalinna: Uhhh...do you want to live in my country or yours, then?
titaniq_2003: Are you visiting me or I
valeria_messalinna: Visiting? I thought we were getting married. What IS your country, anyway? Since we're getting married, I think I should know.
titaniq_2003: It were obscure in my countries that you keep alive with me
titaniq_2003: Take a wife you keep alive with me in my countries
valeria_messalinna: Does that mean I will live in your country? Yes or no
titaniq_2003: you pls mail shanna
valeria_messalinna: I see communication is going to be a problem
valeria_messalinna: What is your country?
titaniq_2003: algeria
titaniq_2003: you pls
valeria_messalinna: USA
valeria_messalinna: Are we going to live in Algeria or USA?
titaniq_2003: ok cool
titaniq_2003: Your agreement is by me you
valeria_messalinna: Right. So does that mean Algeria or USA?
titaniq_2003: But I really loved passionately you your picture
valeria_messalinna: Obviously
valeria_messalinna: You proposed to me 10 mins after "talking" to me. Don't you find that a bit....strange?
titaniq_2003: He yes you you keep alive with me my friend is in my countries
valeria_messalinna: So I'm gathering we're going to live there. How am I going to get there? You going to pay for my plane ticket?
titaniq_2003: But I am really weak for a language
valeria_messalinna: No shit?
valeria_messalinna: So are you going to pay for my plane ticket to Algeria?
titaniq_2003: yes
valeria_messalinna: How are you going to support us? What is your job?
titaniq_2003: What his my by you were able your
valeria_messalinna: Wtf does that mean?
valeria_messalinna: ?
titaniq_2003: I the merchant of the petrol
valeria_messalinna: Ok.
valeria_messalinna: I want to get married in hot pink. Can my wedding dress be hot pink in color?
titaniq_2003: My friend is an agreement by me
valeria_messalinna: What friend?
titaniq_2003: I am girlfriend my to buy the house in your countrie
valeria_messalinna: You have a girlfriend here that is going to buy me a house?
titaniq_2003: yes
valeria_messalinna: Ok. Are you a virgin? I can't marry you if you're not a virgin, you know.
titaniq_2003: Why
valeria_messalinna: You're supposed to be a virgin when you get married.
valeria_messalinna: How old are you?
titaniq_2003: 28
titaniq_2003: you pls
valeria_messalinna: 26
titaniq_2003: ok ty
titaniq_2003: i my amil titaniq_2003@yahoo.fr
titaniq_2003: you pls
valeria_messalinna: What will be our wedding date?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: ok?
valeria_messalinna: What date?
valeria_messalinna: May or June? I've always wanted a June wedding
titaniq_2003: 😡 ty ok
titaniq_2003: shnna pls mail
valeria_messalinna: It's on my profile...
titaniq_2003: My friend , are you visiting me by me my birthday
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: i my mail titaniq_2003@yahoo.fr
valeria_messalinna: When is your birthday? I don't magically know these things
titaniq_2003: A declaration is post hoc
valeria_messalinna: Ok sure whatever.
valeria_messalinna: Well, I've got to get going.
titaniq_2003: Are you visiting me in the houses of the senior in my countries
valeria_messalinna: Sure. Whatever floats your boat.
titaniq_2003: you pls mail
valeria_messalinna: Ok. Have a nice nite. See you at the wedding.
titaniq_2003: im my telephont ok
valeria_messalinna: You're in your telephone?
titaniq_2003: *taken out*
titaniq_2003: you pls
titaniq_2003: you pls mail
valeria_messalinna: Im not giving you my phone number. It's too soon - I'm shy
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: you pls mail
valeria_messalinna: Sure, sure.
valeria_messalinna: Good nite.
titaniq_2003: Take a wife you take in as a guest
valeria_messalinna: What does that mean?
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Right. Ok.
titaniq_2003: An agreement is to visit me in my countries my birthday is by me
valeria_messalinna: It would be nice if I knew when your birthday was so I could plan, don't cha think?
valeria_messalinna: Oh no - I can't marry you
titaniq_2003: I hope your my my lover is to visit me my my wife
valeria_messalinna: But I can't marry you. I forgot - I have a boyfriend.
titaniq_2003: But you are my wife
valeria_messalinna: Um...no. We haven't gotten married yet.
titaniq_2003: ok bye
valeria_messalinna: Just bye, huh? After everything we've meant to one another?!
titaniq_2003: pls
valeria_messalinna: Please what?
titaniq_2003: But you they were headstrong you a friend
valeria_messalinna: What?
titaniq_2003: I am sorry
valeria_messalinna: Uh...ok
titaniq_2003: You you are not agreed with my to be my wife is in futur
valeria_messalinna: Yes, but I realized I can't. It might upset my boyfriend.
titaniq_2003: hello
valeria_messalinna: What?
titaniq_2003: you here
valeria_messalinna: I'm about to leave
titaniq_2003: I hope your my to visit me in the house my
valeria_messalinna: I don't think I'm going to come visit you
titaniq_2003: I inclined your in your countries
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: I really can't understand you
titaniq_2003: ok
titaniq_2003: I inclined your
valeria_messalinna: That makes NO sense
titaniq_2003: ok i sooree
titaniq_2003: I am sorry
valeria_messalinna: Ok
valeria_messalinna: Well, good nite
titaniq_2003: I to go away usa
valeria_messalinna: You can go wherever you want
valeria_messalinna: I'm leaving now
titaniq_2003: shanna Take a wife an agreement the marriage is by me
valeria_messalinna: No, I don't want to marry you. I can't understand anything you're saying. For obvious reasons, it wouldn't work out.
titaniq_2003: I hope your my to know me for language
valeria_messalinna: Ok. Goodbye
titaniq_2003: I am an intellect to you
titaniq_2003: pls
valeria_messalinna: Please what?
titaniq_2003: you mail
valeria_messalinna: Are you begging me to marry you? That's so....pathetic
valeria_messalinna: I am going bye-bye now, ok? Bye bye.
titaniq_2003: He yes I inclined your in your countries you and I buy you a my a guidance
valeria_messalinna: Again, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever in the English-speaking language.
titaniq_2003: ok I hope your my I am sorry I you learn from your talk you
valeria_messalinna: Sure.
titaniq_2003: ok
valeria_messalinna: Goodbye
titaniq_2003: shanna You are my lover ok bye you pls mail
titaniq_2003: titaniq_2003@yahoo.fr
valeria_messalinna: Right, I got it the first 20 x's you sent it
titaniq_2003: ok bye

Find Your Inner Rock Chick

Tuesday, April 20th, 2004

Inspired by Rachel:

Which Rock Chick Are You?

Who me? Outspoken? Opinionated?? Nah.

Greedy Pastor

Monday, April 19th, 2004

So I get this email at work last week entitled "Innovative Pastor":

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program................ The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

The sender had appended this under the short sentence:

Commenting on the obvious may sometimes be appropriate!

Is that supposed to be cute? This is a glowing example of the reason I have such a distaste for organized religion. I see churches that are massive - huge edifices, a great deal of them boasting their own gymnasium and a parking lot that is matched in size only by ones at malls. I see schools in various states of disrepair, I see homeless people sleeping on benches across the street from these huge churches, I see children graduating from school who cannot read and write. But the churches are raising money to build bigger churches??

Christianity is supposedly based on the teachings of the man known as Jesus Christ, correct me if I'm wrong, a man who purportedly stated that doing for others was the only way to live.

The Bible states it pretty clearly:

Then will the King say to those on his right, Come, you who have the blessing of my Father, into the kingdom made ready for you before the world was:  For I was in need of food, and you gave it to me:  I was in need of drink, and you gave it to me: I was wandering, and you took me in; I had no clothing, and you gave it to me: when I was ill, or in prison, you came to me. Then will the upright make answer to him, saying, Lord, when did we see you in need of food, and give it to you? or in need of drink, and give it to you? And when did we see you wandering, and take you in? or without clothing, and give it to you? And when did we see you ill, or in prison, and come to you? And the King will make answer and say to them, Truly I say to you, Because you did it to the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.

- Matthew 25:34-40

The preachings of Jesus, and the supposed basis of Christianity, is to "do unto others" not "glorify thyself with riches". Jesus nor God seem to give a toss that you worship them in the biggest, prettiest church on the block but, rather, that you help those less fortunate in their name. I'm no Christian, but I can read. And from what I've read, that seems to be the message. Again, correct me if I'm wrong...

I could not possibly have any faith in a religion or a church that is interested, mainly, in lining its own pockets. What need does deity have for dollar signs? How can you proudly waltz into an immense and exquisitely decorated church every Sunday and then turn around and feel good about dropping your kid off at their dilapidated school Monday morning? How can you so easily drop your money into the collection plate every Sunday to further an organization that doesn't need it, yet hold tight your purse strings when you see a homeless person sitting on the side of the street who does need it? Do you believe that giving to the church, in God's eyes, is the same as giving to the poor? You are wrong. Is it that you think the church is going to take your funds and put them to the appropriately weak and down-trodden? Wrong again. Someone has to pay for the new gym or the three 20' tall crosses going up along the side of the Interstate.

Why does everyone think it is okay for Christians to be so hypocritical? What would Jesus say if he came down to Earth today and saw all of the glorious, colossal churches dotting the countryside? I believe he'd shake his head in dismay.

"This is what you use your money for?" he'd probably ask.

If you honestly think he'd be doing cartwheels in excitement and awe while exclaiming, "You worship me in that? I RULE!" then perhaps you'd better put a little more effort into learning about the man you supposedly worship.

Greed is a terrible thing.