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Archive for May, 2005

Two for One

Thursday, May 26th, 2005

I've recently (and not so recently) been tagged to do a few memes by my dear friend, Rose. Time to play a little catch-up...

First:

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to save? Roget's Super Thesaurus. I cannot live without this book.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Are you kidding? I've been in love with James Fraser from Diana Gabaldon's "Highlander" series since I was 17!

The last book you bought is:
I bought a few. You see why I try to avoid even stepping foot inside a bookstore:

"As a Man Thinketh" - James Allen

"The Worrywart's Companion" - Dr. Beverly Potter

"Taming the Tiger Within" (Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions) - Thich Nhat Hanh

"Soul Catcher Journal" (A Journal to help you become who you really are) - Kathy & Amy Eldon

"A Practical Guide to Buddhist Meditation" - Paramananda

"Oriental Love Poems" - Michelle Lovric

The last book you read is:
"The Last Unicorn" by Peter S. Beagle

What are you currently reading?
"The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown & "The Worrywart's Companion" by Dr. Beverly Potter

Five books you would take to a desert island:
"Star Signs" by Linda Goodman
"The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffennegger
"The Witching Hour" by Anne Rice
"Wuthering Heights" by Emily Bronte
"The Count of Monte Cristo" by Alexandre Dumas

I'll pass the torch onto Lux, Katie & my sweetie Matthew.

That was fun. This is one I was tagged to do quite some time ago (sorry Rose), but oral surgery set me back a few. Better late than never:

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video:

I honestly don't know the exact number, but its quite a lot. I love owning my favorite movies.

2) The last film I bought:

"Foxfire" (I used to own it, but loaned it out and never got it back)

3) The last film I watched:

"Napoleon Dynamite"

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):
"Practical Magic"
"What Dreams May Come"
"Wuthering Heights" (the one with Binoche & Fiennes)
"Fried Green Tomatoes"
"Fight Club"

5) Tag 5 people and have them put this in their journal:

Paul
Kat
Andy
EJ
Pinky

I absolutely love doing these things; sometimes I'll do them on my own and not post the results - a little self-exploration. So, *wink wink nudge nudge* - tag me anytime, folks.

The Dancing Baby Can “Kiss” My Ass

Wednesday, May 25th, 2005

It's been awhile since I've shared any irritating-scam-spam-crap emails forwarded to me by co-workers. It isn't that I haven't been getting them, just that it was only more of the same bilge. This one, however, caught my eye (me in italics, like you didn't know):

You have just been KISSED by the Dancing Baby! .

Oh...yay?

something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00 pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere.

What could be anywhere? My "something good" is a "what" - it's a thing? I'm going to get a tangible "something good"? Bring it on.

Get ready for the biggest shock in your life if you break this chain u will be cursed for the next 10yrs.

Wait a minute. I thought we were friends - I thought you were going to give me some good thing b/tw 1-4 tomorrow. And now you're *threatening* me?! What happened? Where did we go wrong? Ten years? I mean, come on - you only get seven for breaking a mirror. I'm going to get *ten years* for not forwarding this stupid piece of crap on? Oh, the inhumanity!!

Send this to 10people in 15min

Nah. I think I'll take my chances with the bad luck, rather than piss all of my friends off by sending them threatening letters. Maybe my luck will be shitty, but at least people won't be blocking my email address.

Hunting on the Internet – Literally

Wednesday, May 25th, 2005

You've got to be fucking kidding me!!!

Check this shit out from TechRepublic:

California state senators approved a bill on Thursday that would ban hunters from killing animals over the Internet. Hunters can currently stalk prey online at Live-shot.com, a Web site linking firearms and cameras so customers can point, click and shoot antelope, sheep and wild hogs on a Texas ranch from thousands of miles away.

See more here.

I am completely appalled that this website even EXISTS! Hunters aren't my favorite lot to begin with, but to be so lazy as to sit on your ass at home and shoot animals from your computer. What do they do with the bodies? At least if you're out hunting in the wild, you bring home the bodies and eat the meat; this is a complete waste! This is NOT sport!!

Thankfully, states across the U.S. are working to ban this type of website before it leaves its homestate of California (where a ban is already being written up). There is also a federal bill in the works that would outlaw such websites in the United States, period.

I just can't find one good reason why a website like this should exist, and I have to say that I'm amazed it even does.

World View

Tuesday, May 24th, 2005

Okay, I've updated you (below) and let you in on what was going on. Now, it's time to lighten up. It's gotten entirely too serious over here and that's no fun for very long.

I've got a lot of catch-up blogging to do. I've been tagged for a few memes, I've taken a few quizzes I'd like to share the results of, and, even in my harried state, there have been things I've wanted to bitch about! Last but not least, my sis sent me a few new juicy tidbits from everyone's favorite The Westside Shopper. Much to look forward to in the coming week..

Let's start small, though. In trying to catch up on my blog-reading (I've missed all of you!), I saw that Justice had taken a cool quiz that I just had to do. Here are my results:

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative
 
94%
Idealist
 
88%
Materialist
 
75%
Postmodernist
 
50%
Romanticist
 
50%
Modernist
 
38%
Existentialist
 
31%
Fundamentalist
 
25%

What is Your World View? (corrected...again)
created with QuizFarm.com

What about you?

More to come...

Mental Update

Tuesday, May 24th, 2005

Over the weekend, I was able to talk to a trusted friend who is very familiar with the world of mental problems and the medication that is prescribed to help it. Her advice on the Lamictal was not to take it if I did not feel comfortable with it or the doctor (I didn't). She said she felt the doc shouldn't have prescribed something so strong for me right at the start without any additional therapy or tests to see if *needed* something like that.

I made the decision to start off smaller. Lamictal is said to be prescribed for those that didn't take well or get relief from other anti-depressants. Years ago, Zoloft worked for me. I have the starter pack and a 'scipt my primary care doc gave to me before I saw the psychiatrist, and I started it last night. We'll see how the Zoloft works out. If it does work, I won't even have to get on the much stronger stuff.

Thanks to all of you for the kind words and wonderful support. It really does help to know that, no matter what, I'm not alone.

Coming Out the Crazy Closet

Friday, May 20th, 2005

Okay...the jig is up. There's been a lot of days-long absences, and lack of quality posting around here and you guys deserve an explanation. No, you do. You come here faithfully every few days, you check on me, you voice your concern when I go M.I.A. - you care and I want you to know what's up.

As I've mentioned on and off here in the past, I am struggling with mental problems. These have recently gone from bad to worse to absolutely unlivable. Everything sends me into a panic, the simplest of tasks seem overwhelming and nerve-wracking, and even my sleep, which is usually unfettered and my only escape, has been afflicted.

For example, driving to and from work is hard. I am nervous, shaky and unexplainably afraid. Of what, I couldn't tell you. I just am. It's like that a lot now. I'm terrified. Added to my growing mental-problems' inventory is now, also, social anxiety. Whoopee. The blunt, outspoken and normally charismatic, open and friendly me has become quiet, withdrawn and jittery at the thought of being around large numbers of people. Even going out to dinner, which I love, is difficult lately.

If I had to categorize it, I say it's a hefty amount of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, mixed in with a healthy dose of Severe Depression, a smattering of Social Anxiety, and all backed up by a solid case of Bipolar Disorder. And there's the Self-Mutilation thrown in, time to time, for good measure. Yes, I've been cutting again.

Not exactly the most fun way to live life, I can assure you. So how bad has it gotten? I've decided to take the Happy-Pills-Plunge. Yes, I'm finally admitting that I need extra help to get out of this slump/funk/crack that I've fallen so deep into. You might remember, in the past, that I had a pretty firm don't-want-to-do-that stance on taking pills. Yet, I told you on May 11 that I was going to the doc and ask to be put on Lexapro. A bit more has happened since then, and I've been trying to deal with it - trying to get it straight in my own head before I came out with it here.

Then, this morning, I read EJ's wonderful & brave post about her own struggles with mental problems and medication, and I knew it was time to speak out. Thanks, EJ; it takes courage to "come out" like that, but you did it beautifully. Everyone who's struggled with this kind of stuff should take a moment to read her poignant poem "Bi-Polar".

To bring you up to speed, my doctor prescribed Zoloft rather than Lexapro, because I'd been on it years before and it had helped. But he wanted me to see a psychiatrist. I did so; she wasn't the nicest of people but was very to-the-point and professional (almost too much so) - the only time she showed any emotion is when she asked to see my scars. She did a double-take and an astonished, "Oh my god"; nothing like shocking the seasoned veterans, I tell ya. She said she did not think Zoloft would be enough for me and prescribed Lamictral.

I'd never heard of it, but I've learned a lot from scouring the 'Net the last few days. I'm terrified - of course - about taking any medication, and my spirits weren't buoyed to read labels on the pill bottle saying "Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while on this medication" and "Wear identification that says you are taking this medication while on it". Nice. If anyone has been, or knows someone that has been (or is), on Lamictral, please share your stories with me.

My body has a weird way of reacting to medicines, so we'll have to see how it goes. In the past few days I've bounced around from deciding not to take it all to giving it a try on Saturday (when I'm home and have nothing to do, in case of a bad reaction). Right now I'm planning to take it, but that could change. I'm scared.

I just wanted all of you to know what is going on with me, why I've been so distant or not really here. The simple act of living has become almost impossible to maintain, and I've just been trying to fix myself. All I know is that I'm tired of living - or not living - like this. I'm tired of crying, of being stressed out, of having panic attacks, of being scared all of the time. It isn't me; not the real me - I'm not like this. Let's hope this journey I'm about to begin can lead me back to the old Shanna.

The Buzz Hates K-Fed & B-Spear, Too

Thursday, May 19th, 2005

I am so wickedly enjoying this post on Yahoo!'s Buzz page:

Gingerly Handling the Truth - Britney and Kevin
Celebrities intent on staying in the public eye have some options. A scandalous affair is a popular choice and one that guarantees plenty of press. Others chase endorsements and become highly paid hucksters for cell phones and perfume. And more than a few bid adieu to dignity and broadcast their private lives on television. Paris, Ashlee, Anna Nicole -- they've all done it with varying degrees of self-humiliation. Well, move over ladies, 'cause Britney aims to one up all y'all with the help of hubby/houseboy/former backup dancer Kevin Federline in their new show, Britney and Kevin: Chaotic.

Searches on the show, who's title presumably refers to the pair's always on-the-go lifestyle, jumped 229% and into our top 50 movers. It overcame premiering on UPN (+162%) - the network of broken dreams. While some may scoff at the show's popularity in Search, not to mention the lame "Can you handle our truth?" tagline, questions must be asked. Namely, why would anyone want to watch grainy video footage of K-Fed? No, really, why? Do the queries come from pop culture aficionados who know a so-bad-it's-terrible trainwreck when they see one? We'll never know the level of irony in these searches, but perhaps that's appropriate. 'Cause if we did know the truth, something tells us we probably couldn't handle it.

It's nice to know I'm the not only one who realizes Brit has completely trashed her hard-earned career all to hell with her tawdry, dim-witted skankiness.

Hey, I'm in pain, I'm allowed to find joy in the downfall of others, ok? Bye, bye Britney - no one will ever take you seriously as a performer/entertainer/celeb again. There is some justice in the world after all.