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Archive for July, 2006

Willy, The Glove Snatcher

Wednesday, July 26th, 2006

There's lots of horrible things going on in the world these days, and reading the news often makes me feel sick.  It was, then, with much delight that I read about Willy after my sister sent me a link to his story.

I have a feeling everyone needs a pick-me-up right about now...so have a smile:

Willy the Cat Burglar Steals Gardening Gloves
PELHAM, N.Y. (July 20) - A pink-and-white gardening glove was missing Thursday morning from Jeannine Goche's front porch. But there was absolutely no mystery about who had taken it. Willy, the cat who loves gloves, had struck again.

"It has to be him," said Goche, an attorney. "I've heard about him."

As if the gardeners of Pelham don't have enough to worry about, with the rocky soil and the slugs and the big trees casting too much shade, a feline felon has been sneaking into their back yards and carrying off gardening gloves.

Goche's flower-patterned number may soon take its place on the clothesline that's strung across the front fence at Willy's home, which he shares with Jennifer and Dan Pifer, their 19-month-old son Hudson and a mutt named Peanut Chew.

Above the line is a sign that says, in words and pictures, "Our cat is a glove snatcher. Please take these if yours."

On Thursday morning, nine pairs of gardening gloves and five singles were strung up, nicely framed by the Pifers' flourishing tomato and basil plants. Willy, looking innocent, was playing with a beetle under the Subaru in the driveway and occasionally dashing after Hudson.

"This all started about the time people began working in their gardens, I guess March or April," Jennifer Pifer said. "Willy would just show up with a glove, or we'd see them on the front steps. I guess it's better than if he was bringing home dead birds."

A friend, Claudia Bonci, said she was in the Pifers' kitchen recently and had noticed a single gardening glove on the sidewalk.

"Jennifer was telling me all about how Willy was bringing home all these gloves, and there was a small pile of them outside the door, and then here comes the cat with a glove in its mouth, proud as could be, like he was giving me a gift."

Some of the gloves really are gift-worthy.

"A lot of these looked brand new," said Pifer. "Some of them are really nice."

She doesn't know how far afield Willy goes to find a glove, but she has learned it takes him two trips to bring home a matched pair.

Willy, born to a stray last spring and taken in by the Pifers as a newborn, stays out some nights but seems to assemble his collection in daytime raids.

"Mostly it happens on weekends, I guess when people are out gardening," Pifer said. "Can't you just imagine people saying, `The gloves were right here, where'd they go?"'

John Cassone, who lives and gardens across the street, said he isn't missing any gloves. He uses "the big, heavy leather kind" and figures Willy, a wiry type, isn't strong enough to drag them away.

Guess again: There's a pair of the big, heavy leather kind among Willy's trophies.

Willy couldn't care less about the gloves after they're captured. On Thursday he could not be enticed into a grab-the-glove game.

In winter, when gardening gloves are hard to find, Willy switches to his offseason prey, dirty socks, which he brings from the laundry room.

"We find them in the hallway, on the stairs," she said. "I used to think, `Oh, I must have dropped it on the way down.' But now I know better."

Despite his criminal nature, neighbors get a kick out of Willy. Cassone said the cat likes to accompany the mailman up and down the block, all the way to each front door. Willy also likes to climb trees and bat at the heads of people below.

Since Pifer grows flowers and vegetables and herbs herself, isn't she tempted to make use of the endless supply of garden gloves that arrive at her doorstep free, shipping included?

"No," she said, a bit sadly. "I do a lot of gardening but I don't use gloves."

From AOL News 

Special Kitty Needs a Home

Wednesday, July 19th, 2006

Please take a moment to go over to Aza's blog and read about the special kitten she saved from her horrible neighbors.  She's looking for a safe, loving home for the darling - if you know someone who could help, or if you could, please contact her.

And a special thanks to Aza for standing up for our furry friends, and having the balls to tell those awful people how wrong they were.  She's obviously a very special lady.

You Have to Be This Tall to Drive

Tuesday, July 18th, 2006

So The Worm hears on the radio the other day that any child 4'9" and under should be strapped in a car seat while riding in a car.

No doubt snickering to himself, he calls me up at work. "How tall are you, again?"

Me: "4'10"...why?"

And he proceeds to tell me what he heard and even I'm a little taken aback. Thankfully, he laid off the 'ha, ha, you need a car seat to drive' jokes (hey, he's no giant himself), but - in truth - we were both laughing.

Four foot, nine inches - can this be correct?

Yard Signs & German Shepherds Irritate Ibervillians

Monday, July 17th, 2006

Time for some more laughs from everyone's favorite wacky Ibervillians and their great call-ins to Hotline:

Actions Not Unnoticed!

This is to the person who let their dog jump out the back of their truck at Wal-Mart and let it relieve himself on the tires of my SUV. I will hunt you down both you and your dog, and you'll both face charges of terrorizing my American made vehicle with your German shepherd. You're actions did not go unnoticed!

I'd like to know who's going around Iberville parish and teaching all of these cats and dogs to piss on unsuspecting peoples' tires. Obviously, this is a fairly common problem 'round these parts. I mean, when your tires aren't safe from urine even in a public parking lot...what is the world coming to?

One might be inclined to believe, if they did not know the area, that some of these must be meant in jest - that these call-ins are merely pranks and not to be taken seriously. I can assure you, however, that these people are more likely than not dead serious.

Pull the Signs!

I think we ought to pass an ordinance banning all yard signs, even those that urge we support our troops.  How much effect does a yard sign have on the war to begin with?  What all these yard signs are doing is cluttering up our streets, and hampering the natural beautification of our city.  When I see these signs along the streets, I remove them if nobody is watching, and I do it in the name of beautification.  But I can't do this forever, so I ask the Parish Council to do its part in banning yard signs so we can have a beautiful community again.  One day, you'll all thank me for this.

I wonder how "I did it in the name of beautification" will stand up in court when this yahoo is picked up for trepassing and stealing?

Don't you just have this mental image of some crotchety, old woman going around town in an old Buick, stopping and nabbing signs from peoples' yards?  You can just see her looking furtively around as she dashes back to her car and chunks said sign on the huge pile of stolen yard signs in the back seat?

Later, a sting operation is held to catch the person who wrote in to Hotline and outted herself as the Sign Snachter.  Yard signs are put in yards around town as decoys, and each is watched carefully by cops day and night.  Soon, she is caught!
As the now busted, granny Sign Snatcher is led away in cuffs, she yells out at the top of her lungs, "For beauty!!!"

At least, that's how I see it.


Friday, July 14th, 2006

I don't know how they do it, but the nasty, 'net poontrolls always end up coming to me.  You're not complaining, though, are you?  Just more for you to laugh at.

Get a load of this one, I call it What Is The Color of Your Pussy?:

king_tout81: BUZZ!!!
king_tout81: hello
king_tout81: can i ask u
valeria_messalinna: What?
king_tout81: hello
king_tout81: BUZZ!!!
king_tout81: can i ask?
king_tout81: BUZZ!!!
valeria_messalinna: Ask WHAT?
valeria_messalinna: Ask it, jeez.
king_tout81: wt's the colore of ur pussy ?
king_tout81: Pllz
valeria_messalinna: The same color they all are, you fucking idiot!
king_tout81: relly
valeria_messalinna: Are you retarded?
valeria_messalinna: Can I ask?
king_tout81: Yes
valeria_messalinna: Have you never seen one?
king_tout81: no, but i would like to see
valeria_messalinna: You're a virgin?!
king_tout81: Yes
king_tout81: u?
valeria_messalinna: How old are you?
king_tout81: 24
king_tout81: You're a virgin?!
valeria_messalinna: You're a 24 year-old virgin? What is wrong with you?

Now there is nothing wrong with being a 24 year-old virgin, imo. I'm just fucking with him because he's a nasty, little perv who - more like than not - is lying his ass off to try and get me to "teach" him about sex (it's one of the oldest tricks in their book).

king_tout81: BUZZ!!!
valeria_messalinna: Well, what's wrong with you? Quit buzzing and answer me, stupid.
king_tout81: ok
king_tout81: BUZZ!!!
valeria_messalinna: Stop buzzing me, freak.
valeria_messalinna: What's wrong with you? Why are you a virign at your age?
king_tout81: ok ok
valeria_messalinna: Why?
king_tout81: coz i dont likegirls
valeria_messalinna: You're gay?
king_tout81: u
valeria_messalinna: No, I'm bisexual, not gay.
valeria_messalinna: But if you don't like girls, you're gay.
valeria_messalinna: If you don't like girls, why are you asking about the color of their vaginas?
king_tout81: no no
valeria_messalinna: Uh, yeah.
king_tout81: i like close
valeria_messalinna: That isn't a sentence.
valeria_messalinna: "Close"?
valeria_messalinna: WTF does that mean?
king_tout81: sorry i mean clothes
valeria_messalinna: You like clothes and you don't like girls. You ARE gay!
valeria_messalinna: So why do you want to know a vagina color if you're gay?
king_tout81: no iam not gay
valeria_messalinna: But you like clothes. And you don't like girls.
king_tout81: but not all of girls liked
valeria_messalinna: I think girls don't like you and that's why you're a virgin.
king_tout81: u see that ??
valeria_messalinna: It's obvious.
valeria_messalinna: You're 24 and have never had sex.
valeria_messalinna: That's pathetic.
valeria_messalinna: And you know why else?
valeria_messalinna: Because you go around starting off conversations by asking women what color their pussies are. Not a good way to pick up a woman, you dullard.

Halls of Stupid Classic, my friends!

Be Careful What You Wish For

Thursday, July 13th, 2006

Her husband wanted "many kids", but Angela Magdaleno didn't intend to give him seven in a row! The blessed (?) couple gave birth to quadruplets on July 6 - without the aid of fertility drugs; the odds of which are 1 in 800,000. What's even more rare - and likely distressing for the couple - is that Angela, with fertility drugs, gave birth to triplets just three years ago!

Her husband lays carpet for a living, and they already have two older daughters who help with the smaller children - still, the growing family lives in a one-bedroom apartment in Los Angeles. I can't imagine how they did it with five children; it seems it would be impossible to do it with nine!

Can you even imagine? Two older daughters, three three year-olds and four diapered infants?! Poor Angela has this to say:

"I don't know if I'm sad or happy. I'm happy but, I don't know. I don't know how to explain it."

I'd guess not.

Another rarity is that the two boys in the foursome may be identical. So many rare and special things - such a miracle and a blessing. But, too, how hard to deal with - how huge a responsibility to take on, physically, emotionally, mentally and not to mention, financially.

You want to give them a huge, hearty "Congratulations!", but at the same time, part of you just wants to say, "Damn, I'm sorry", too.

Read the story at ABC News or see the babies at NBC 4...


Thursday, July 6th, 2006

Last night, The Worm and I finally watched The Notebook, our latest Netflix choice that we've had for weeks. Netflix works out really well for us because it's usually weeks before we can get ourselves into a movie-watching mood, and this way we actually get that way sooner because we want to get a new movie in.

This movie, however, touched us both - by the end of it we were both sobbing (I ended up openly weeping) as The Worm grabbed a box of Kleenex from the nightstand. The love story, of course, was so heartbreakingly touching but the Alzheimer's got me in a way I wasn't expecting. It's been so long since I was faced directly with it, and it brought back in full clarity watching my great-grandmother go through every terrible stage of it over a ten year period.

On a lighter note, though, it must've put The Worm in a thoughtful mood because he came up to me this morning, cupped my face in his hands and stared at my sleepy-eyed self for a few moments before saying, "Thank you for loving me."

Whatever else happens to me in this lifetime, I can say that I was truly blessed to have been loved - and to have loved - some very remarkable men this particular trip around the Sun.