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Archive for November, 2006

The Smile That Rights The Wrongs of the World

Monday, November 27th, 2006

The holiday was bearable, and that's all there is to say about that.

No matter what did or what could have happened, none of it would have made a difference to me because of that smile right there. How can anyone be sad when they see that?

This was Sweetpea's very first Thanksgiving, and I think she enjoyed herself. We all certainly enjoyed her. Watching her grow up these past almost-seven months has been a joy.

Every time I see her I notice new things - her little personality starting to show itself, how she crooks one eyebrow like her grandmother, how her facial expressions are so very...well, expressive.

She never ceases to amaze me.

I've experienced many kinds of love in my lifetime. I love my family more than words, I love my friends with all of my heart, I love the wonderful men that have shared my life with me for a time in so many special ways, and I love my godchildren to absolute pieces...but there is something different about the love you feel for a child of your blood. Sweetpea is my brother's child, she is my niece, she shares my surname, she is *family* - and there really aren't words for how my heart aches for her when I'm away from her or how much I truly love that little girl every single day.

She means so much to me; to all of us. When everything in the world seems to be going to hell in a handbasket, there she is - making all of us smile, laugh, and remember the importance of love and family.

I love you, my Sweetpea.

Important Message for Those With Young Kids

Monday, November 20th, 2006

I received this YouTube video in email today. Normally I don't even watch these things, but this is different. This is real, and sad - but the message does need to be spread.

Kyle Miller, a three year-old, was killed in a car accident because of a faulty seatbelt. His mother created this loving tribute and important message so that other parents can have the knowledge that she lacked - knowledge that would have saved her son's life.

I implore you to watch this, especially if you or anyone you know has young children - and then to pass it on.

Importance of a 5-Point Harness Carseat 

Worth the Wait

Sunday, November 19th, 2006

I love blogging, even if I'm no longer completely faithful to the act. I've met many wonderful friends, been able to express myself to a wide audience, and have even learned a few things along the way. I treasure all of the experiences blogging has brought me, but developing a lasting, special friendship has been the most special of them all.

In July of 2003, I found a blog that just spoke to me - so much so that I instant messaged it's writer...and the beginnings of a beautiful friendship were born.

Now, finally, after three years, Rose and I finally got to meet in person; at the Houston Renaissance Festival (could it have been more fitting?). We had a blast - Rose and S., myself and the Worm. She is every bit as witty, warm, endearing, and beautiful in person as she is online.

Though we talk online every single day, and have for the past three years, this was our first time actually spending time together in the flesh, and it was as if we'd always done it. It was never awkward, nor was there any "the connection we haven't online just isn't here". It was as though we'd been life-long friends who simply had simply moved away from one another and were reuniting after a few years absence. I simply can't wait until next year, when we plan to meet up in Houston again.

So, thank you, Rose - for being you, for being awesome, and - more than anything - for being me friend and always being there. Finally getting to meet you was a gift; one I will always cherish. I love you muches.


Friday, November 17th, 2006

Missed me?

I'd be lying if I didn't say life has been one topsy-turvy chunk of insanity after another...nothing has seemed to go right or make sense since G. Rockstar died.  I suppose that's normal.  I've never dealt well with death; mainly because I haven't (blessedly) been very exposed to it in my life.  I find, though, that it's extremely more difficult to deal with when the death was sudden, a shock, and of a young person.

And now the first "big" holiday is coming up - Thanksgiving - and no one is really talking about it, but everybody is dreading the ever-living shit out of it.  Maybe it would be easier if he hadn't been such an integral part of everything; if he'd been a quiet sort who had faded into the background and simply made us smile with his presence.  Rockstar wasn't like that.  He was loud, in-your-face, had you gasping with laughter or shaking your head in disbelief.  He was a character; there's no denying that.  A good portion of our Thanksgiving dinners he had a huge hand in helping create - this year Mom will be minus a cooking partner, my brother and our mates, my father will be absent a drinking and cut-up partner.   I don't need even need to go into the absence my poor sister will be facing.

The absence of his presence will be so noticeable; it will hurt.  I don't intend, however, for it to be the big elephant in the room that no one is talking about.  We need to talk about him; we need to remember him - for I know, in spirit, he'll be there with us - just like he has been every single holiday for the past ten years.  We're going to have the slideshow going on an extra TV - the one I set up for his funeral (210+ photos) and we will set his place at the table, next to Tweeze, as always.

And even though the pain of losing someone like this is terrible, the pain of seeing your little sister going through losing the love of her life is a million times worse.  There's really nothing you can do.  You can be there for her - and we all are - but you can't ease that pain, nor take it away.  It's so frustrating and heartbreaking.  I don't want her to suffer through this; I don't want this for her - yet it's there, and there is nothing I, or anyone, can truly do.  I love her so damn much and I can't begin to put into words how proud I am of her - of how well, under the circumstances, she is taking it; even if on the inside she feels desolate, she is functioning - it's more than I think I could do.  Her strength continues to amaze and inspire me.

So forgive me for not writing more, or keeping up better as of late.  I go to write, and then I just...can't.  This past Sunday made one month - one whole month - since we lost him.  It still doesn't seem real.

I didn't even know what I was going to write today when I opened up WordPress.  I didn't expect it to be about all of this, but - obviously - it's weighing on my mind more than I'm willing to admit.

Thanks for listening.

No Escaping My Southern Roots, It Seems

Monday, November 6th, 2006
What American accent do you have?

Your Result: The South

That's a Southern accent you've got there. You may love it, you may hate it, you may swear you don't have it, but whatever the case, we can hear it.

The Midland
The Northeast
The Inland North
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

Yearly Self Interview: 2006

Monday, November 6th, 2006

I started this little q&a with myself on my birthday, 2004, so here we go again:

Monday, Nov. 6, 2006
Age: 29

Who are you?
Sometimes I don't even know anymore. I'm still "me"...I think. Actually, I'm in a state of flux - changing and evolving; hopefully for the better.

What religion do you practice?
None; I have a personal relationship with our creator(s).

Are you in love with yourself?
Yes, I'm pretty damn awesome.

Do you trust yourself?
Not really, no.

Name one thing you'd like to accomplish before your next birthday.
Complete or be almost complete on my first novel.

Where do you hope you'll be a year from now?
Here, but happier and making more money.

What was your biggest accomplishment since your last birthday?
Being myself - and remaining true to that - even in the face of adversity, and even though it ended up costing me. I'm very proud of that.

End with two quotes; one that sums up last year & one that reflects your wishes for the upcoming one:

"In a disordered mind, as in a disordered body, soundness of health is impossible." - Cicero

"Every time you meet a situation, though you think at the moment it is an impossibility and you go through the tortures of the damned, once you have met it and lived through it you find that forever after you are freer than you were before." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Happy Birthday to Me.

GuitarRockstar Has Left the Building

Wednesday, November 1st, 2006

I've been putting off writing this...there was so much I wanted to say, many things I wanted to convey; but, right after, I just didn't feel up to the task. Weeks later, I hope I can express what I - and all of us that loved him - are feeling.

On October 12, in the early morning hours, my sister's boyfriend of almost ten years, known here as GuitarRockstar, was killed in a car accident. He was days away from celebrating his 27th birthday.

He'd want to be remembered as a musician, a comedian, and an all-around fun and great friend. He was all of those things. He, also, in the past ten years, had become family. To me, he was a friend, a brother-in-law, and nearly a brother.

It's difficult to believe that he is gone - that he won't be there helping my grandpa and Mom cook Thanksgiving dinner, that we won't get to hear him and friends jamming on their guitars at the end of holidays and get-togethers, that Worm and I won't get to go out with he and Tweeze anymore (some of our most fun going-out-nights).

He was a wonderful person, despite his demons (who doesn't have them?). He was there for all of us in the family, at different times, when we needed him most. He was there for his friends. He was real - and he was loyal. Since his death, the outpouring of love and grief from people near and far has been overwhelming. He touched so many lives.

I want to say more - I wish I could say more - but there's still a lot of pain and whole helluva lot of numbness. October was a really tough month, and I'm still in a sort of auto-pilot, surreal state of mind.

Forgive me for not updating sooner, but there it is. I had wished to write a much better announcement entry for him; maybe that will come. 'Til then, all I can say is, this fucking sucks - and we miss him.