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Archive for December, 2006

Miatas & Big Trucks Don’t Mix

Friday, December 29th, 2006

On Tuesday night, The Worm and I were involved in an accident. Obviously we're still here and we're ok - the ordeal was frightening all the same. We are very lucky.

A flatbed semi was parked in the road, at night, nothing to indicate he was stopped (and did I mention *parked*?) in the road. The Worm didn't see him or realize he was stopped until it was too late - he slammed on the brakes and we hit.

We were told had it not been a lower-to-the-ground flatbed, we would've went right on under it. Not a nice thought.

It's still very surreal to me - though the pain in my tailbone (which I found out today is not broken, just painfully "strained") is all too real. The Worm is scraped up from the airbag - and these are our only injuries. Did I mention we are extremely, very and amazingly lucky?

Tweeze thinks Guitar Rockstar was looking out for us, and I can't argue that. It's almost as if we, inside, were in a plastic bubble - the windshield wasn't even cracked.

Our precious Maggie May - a 1992 that had just rolled over 100,000 miles a few weeks ago and was driving fine as always - is totaled. We're sad, but - again - just glad to be okay.

I wish I had something more enlightening or even pithy to say - but the whole thing is sort of this numb lump in my head; almost as if it didn't even happen to us.

I think I can speak for everyone when I say, I am SO GLAD this year is almost over!

A Hole in the Holiday, A Hole in Our Hearts

Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

Christmas was nice this year, but there was a glaring omission from our regular holiday get-togethers. Never would I have imagined, as we sat last year opening gifts, drinking and laughing, that one of us would be missing come next Christmas.

We talked about him, here and there, in small conversation - but, honestly, the absence of Guitar Rockstar was like the gigantic blue elephant in the living room. Everyone was aware of it, but we had to just keep going on as if it wasn't really there.

I wonder if it'll ever feel "normal" again, or is this just a turning point in our lives - things are certainly changing. Now there is Sweetpea, my cousin - after proposing to his girlfriend this Xmas - is engaged, and Guitar Rockstar is gone.

Naturally I'm excited to see where this new chapter of our lives will lead us; watching Sweetpea grow and having her in our family now is a treasure and a blessing I don't even have words for. There is still a bittersweet edge to life now, though. I suppose there is with any major change. I miss him - we all miss him - there is a hole in our family now that can never be replaced. Time will soften and close up, some, that hollow feeling; as it did with when we lost my grandmother and my great grandparents - but it will always be there. Things will just never be quite the same.

I wonder, often, what he'd say to finding out just how much of a huge impact he'd had on so many peoples' lives. I think, deep in his heart, though he knew we - and with no doubts, Tweeze - loved him, he felt he was never truly loved or wanted; that even those who loved him didn't really like him completely. I'm not going to lie and say he couldn't be an aggravating fucker - or that there weren't times you just wanted to ring his neck or kick his ass. But regardless of that, we really did love him and, yes, liked the person he was immensely.

Saying we "miss" him almost doesn't do it justice. There truly is a hole in each of our hearts; something I don't think he ever could've grasped or believed - from years of being beat down, he never could fully grasp the concept of being treasured and loved. If not for Tweeze, he never would've known it. I just hope he now knows she wasn't the only one - even if sometimes we didn't know it our damn selves - that loved him to pieces just as he was.

It was an honor to know him, and to be able to call him "friend" in this lifetime. As we move into the new year, and get over the hurdle of the "big holiday" without him, my only hope is that he knows and feels all of this love we have for him, and that he knows just how very painfully he is missed.

All of you reading this, if there is anyone you didn't see for Xmas that you love - call them up, tell them Merry Xmas and tell them how much they mean to you. You never know when they might not be here next year.

It’s the Most Harried Time of the Year

Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

Well, the Xmas insanity is finally over; I can't say I'm not relieved. We had a nice one, though. I'd wished to spend more time with my family, but as always, by time we get there - having been, since the day before, with The Worm's family - we are exhausted and weary of socializing. We're naturally hermits, so three days straight of being surrounded by people and visiting really does us in.

It was Sweetpea's first Xmas, and I think she enjoyed it. Using a little lawnmower-like toy she received, the little shit was walking - though holding onto to the toy, she got the idea down and made quite a few steps. She'll be walking in a week or two, I bet. She is something else.

I got amazing gifts from my Mom and sister, Tweeze, as always. Clothes and accessories - things I rarely buy for myself but am always in desperate need of. As always, too, Mom gets me the prerequiste Witches' Calendar; I cannot make it through the year without it. I didn't get it one year, and I bemoaned its absence for the next 12 months. At a glance, I can know where major planets (especially the Moon) are at; for that alone, it's a gem. I got a pair of awesome pilsner glasses and a set of balloon wine glasses from my brother and RoseRed. Pa-Pa got us a huge and gorgeous chiminea - something we've been wanting for the patio for years now.

The Worm, my love, bought me an absolutely beautiful Journey Diamond Pendant (similar to this one). I wore it for the holidays; it's so very beautiful and I love it. No one has ever bought me jewelry before, and it's truly only the second piece of real jewelry that I own.

After gift-giving, we ate a delicious supper - and left. Everyone wanted us to stay longer, and I wish I'd had it in me to do so - but we were so tired, I had been attacked by a massive migraine, and we needed to let in and feed our neighbor's dogs that we're pet sitting.

Naturally, there was the huge absence of Guitar Rockstar...but I'll leave that for my next post.  Other than that, it was a very nice Christmas.

Eye-Popping Stupidity

Sunday, December 24th, 2006

Yahoo! Answers always gives me a laugh. While there are some thought-worthy questions and decent answers, most of the content is pure fluff that consists of appallingly horrible grammar and spelling.

It would seem appearing as literate and mature is no longer a priority; nor does it seem to matter if you can convey yourself in a way that is understandable to your target audience.

To give you an example, this deep and ponderous question:

What color eyes are attractive? dark brown almost black, honey brown, green, hazel, or blue

Received this interesting - and eye-opening - answer:

Personally I'd go with Green or Blue.. Although my Boyfriend has brown eyes then tend to blend in too much with his hair and things. I like eyes that pop out GORGOUS!

Color, personally, isn't as big a turn on as eyes that stay in one's head...but perhaps that's just me.

40 Questions About 2006

Friday, December 22nd, 2006

Yet another end-of-the-year-meme. I like these, though, because they help you get a perspective on the year past.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?

Became an aunt. Attended the funeral of a friend.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn't have any; I never do - so question not relevant.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My brother's girlfriend gave birth to my first niece, Sweetpea, on May 2.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

I really hate that I have an answer for this one. Yes, my sister's boyfriend of ten years, my friend, and my "brother-in-law" in all the ways that counted, Guitar Rockstar. He was killed in a car accident on October 12.

5. What countries did you visit?


6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?

An iPod, just because.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?

May 2 and October 12.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Designing an official state agency's logo/emblem. Sticking to my guns and having dignity when losing out on a job for petty reasons beyond my control.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I didn't have any.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Just the usual leg pains and sinus infections.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My Tibetan singing bowl, my wrap, and my mala beads.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My sister; for being the strongest person I have ever known. I am so proud of her.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

My Dad; alcohol has finally ruined him. He is no longer the man any of us once knew.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills and books, like usual.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The birth of my niece.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2006?

Guitar Rockstar's song, played at his funeral, and that's on his MySpace; Keep Me Close by Absent Element/ Chris Daughtry (I know it didn't come out in 2006). I still can't listen to it, and it will forever remind me of him and of us losing him.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a. Happier or sadder? I don't know.
b. Thinner or fatter? I've gained a little.
c. Richer or poorer? Pretty much the same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Gone out more with Tweeze and Guitar Rockstar when they'd asked us to.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Being depressed.

20. How will you be spending your spend Christmas?

With The Worm's family, and then mine on Christmas night.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

I hate the phone, but probably T.S.

22. Did you fall in love in 2006?

I'm already in love.

23. How many one night stands in this last year?


24. What was your favourite TV programme?

Paula Deen's cooking show and MXC.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I have more hate for a particular person because I know more now than I did before. She will remain nameless because she doesn't deserve mention; I'm hoping ignoring her existence will make her dark, evil self cease to exist.

26. What was the best book(s) you read?

Lamb, by Christopher Moore
Madeline's Ghost, by Robert Girardi

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The Brazilian Girls.

28. What did you want and get?

A beautiful, healthy niece.

29. What did you want and not get?

An iPod.

30. What were your favourite films of this year?

I'm always behind on watching movies, so forgive me that these all came out before 2006 (they were "new to me"):

The Notebook
Underworld: Evolution

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 29, but I don't remember what I did. It was a pretty somber occasion this year, with what all happened in October.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Finally getting the raise I deserve at work.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?

Same as always - comfortable and forgettable.

34. What kept you sane?


35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

As always, Angelina Jolie.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Gay marriage.

37. Who did you miss?

T.S., and then Guitar Rockstar.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Rose - though actually we "met" long ago, but this year it was an official, meeting-in-the-flesh.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.

Cherish your loved ones every day.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me
Into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
- Whisper, Evanescence

My Year in Review

Wednesday, December 20th, 2006

I couldn't resist nabbing this End of the Year Meme from PunkAssBlog.com:

1) Harken back to your archives.
2) Collect the first sentence you wrote every month for the whole year.
3) Entertain us.

January 2006
Thank goodness Blogger puts in the date for you automatically - otherwise there would be hundreds of bloggers writing posts for January 2005.

February 2006
Yea! I just got in a CD I ordered a few weeks back, Monster Ballads, because I'm a total sucker for some sappy, 80's rock hair-ballads.

March 2006
So the word is now that Bush and Co. knew all about the possible levee breaks, the massive damage Katrina would likely do, and a whole slew of other things they claimed - after the fact - that no one could possibly have known the scope of.

April 2006
At first my meds had little to no effect on me - just some basic side-effects that tapered off after the first day (except this god-awful dry mouth).

May 2006
They're inducing today!  They went in at 4am, and little Sweetpea is on her way.  The Worm and I are getting ready and heading out to the hospital in the next hour.

June 2006
This proves only that I should get out more, but I've been having angel-loads of fun with this Church Sign Generator.

July 2006
Maybe we should get out more, but this video clip had The Worm and I in stitches.  Whoever thought to add the music was genius.

August 2006
Strolling through Yahoo! Answers the other day, I came across this gem:

The question:

what is a less pain ful way to get rid of a boil rather than sitting in a hot tub?

The honest answer:

if u want it to go away very quickly u have to take the painful way. burn the boil'd "eye" with a cigarette. i tell u it will swell but in just a matter of days its all gone.

September 2006
As of Friday, we are - once again - a three-cat home.

October 2006
I told you that I'd stumbled upon a neat, little site called BookCrossing. I have truly been enjoying my experiences there.

November 2006
I've been putting off writing this…there was so much I wanted to say, many things I wanted to convey; but, right after, I just didn't feel up to the task.

December 2006
I haven't been around in awhile, and therefore, I haven't been checking my comments.

An Apology, Long Overdue

Friday, December 15th, 2006

In high school, we were inseparable - The Terror Twins II, remember? After graduation, our lives went in very different directions - we stayed friends, but eventually we drifted apart, too.

When old demons - demons so dark you obviously couldn't even share them with your best friend - came to haunt you, I failed you. I was angry at past hurts, frustrated with the way you were becoming, so very busy and caught up in my own life and its many problems. Excuses all, and I'm sorry. I was wrong - I wasn't there when you needed me most.

I noticed a change in you; I knew something was wrong. But my own anger kept me from reaching out to you. I never assumed it was something dark, deep, and sinister. I figured you were aggravated with daily life, felt unfulfilled in some way, and would "get over it"; I'd never known you to be truly depressed for any length of time. I was frustrated with you - with the choices I saw you making, too; I can't lie about that. I assumed your problems were brought on by the bad choices you were making - and you know us, Scorpios - I, in turn, felt little sympathy. Forgive me; you know I can be a cold-hearted bitch - it's one of the things you love about me, right?

I really thought you would be okay; that you would snap out of it, that something would spark joy in your heart again - I didn't know how to reach you in the places you were. Still, I should have tried harder. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I never sat down and had "the talk" with you I'd been meaning to - to clear the air between us - to get off my chest the things I was angry at you for, and let you do the same (I know you were angry at me, too, in some ways). I missed "us" - I always have.

Please don't ever think I stopped loving you, that I ever stopped thinking of you as my terror twin; I never did. I was angry, I was frustrated, and yes, I was distant. All I can do is apologize; we're such different people, the Adult us, you know? I should've tried harder; I know that. I'm sorry for letting you down but I love you to pieces and I want so very much for you to be okay.

I can't change the past, but I can work on the future. I'm here for you - I won't let you fall alone like that again. I'm sorry and I love you and I hope we have a second chance...I hope, more than anything, that YOU have a second chance. Because you deserve one; you have a bright and beautiful soul and all of us miss that spark and that special glow. Come back to us, please - and we'll all do everything we can to help you through this.

I love you.