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Archive for October, 2009

The Danger of Listening to Religious Nuts

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Yesterday, Huffington Post linked to an article in their comedy section by the self-titled apostle Kimberly Daniels that had been posted on Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network.  The HuffPo article, Christian Broadcasting Network Warns Against 'Demonic' Halloween Candy, naturally grabbed my attention.  I clicked on over to the CBN and read Apostle Kim's article which, I'll be honest, was one of the best laughs I've had in quite some time.

Interestingly, today the article has been removed from the site.  Perhaps CBN realized it was written by a nutcase and no longer wanted to be associated with it.  Never fear, though, because I have found the article posted in another place for your reading pleasure over at a site called Charisma under their Prophetic Insight section (is that what you call it?).  Read it here.

It never fails that every year, around this time, I have to pull out my 2003 essay Exposing Christian Holidays.  Though never has it been quite so pertinent as now as a rebuttal to Apostle Kim's (as she calls herself on her website, the home of Kimberly Daniels Ministry International) The Danger of Celebrating Halloween.

Please, give it a quick read (clicking that link should open a small window so you don't have to leave here) before I start my piece – you won't be sorry and I promise it is full of lulz.  Lots and lots of lulz.

Back again?  Was it all the lulz I promised?  Yes and no, I know.  While it was undoubtedly hilarious, it was also rather infuriating.  To think that people actually believe this woman – that there are those out there believing Halloween is the devil's free-for-all and that witches pray over all candy that goes out to retail stores before it is delivered (do they meet up at the candy factories to do this or what?).

This woman sat here and wrote – with a straight face, I'm guessing (either that or a gleeful grin all the way to the bank) – about how she refuses to purchase any and all candy sold during the month of October.  You know, because the demons don't know the difference between candy from the store and candy dropped into your kid's bag during Halloween night (demons are apparently insidious yet stupid).  And, as has been ascertained, all of said candy has already been dedicated to Lucifer via the witches' pre-October prayer groups at all of the nation's candy factories. So, you know, those Whoppers you were snacking on at your desk the other day?  You totally imbibed evil, my friend.  Pure, concentrated evil.

Yet, let's step back and break down Apostle Kim's "warning" piece by piece, shall we?  That's always fun.

According to the self-proclaimed apostle, Halloween rivals Christmas in its nationwide celebrating.  I don't know where she gets her proof for such a claim, because all she says after this statement is "stores that sell only Halloween-related paraphernalia open up a few months before the day and close shortly after it ends".  So do Christmas-only stores, and let's not even talk about how early Christmas crap comes out in regular stores.  I have no idea if what she says is true or she just pulled that random fact out of her ass, but I'm guessing the latter.

Yet, our apostle posits, "Is Halloween a holiday that Christians should be observing?"

Why the hell not?  They celebrate Christmas and Easter, and there isn't much very Christian-oriented in any of their traditions (as I shall soon prove).

Apostle Kim states:

"The world "holiday" means "holy day".  But there is nothing holy about Halloween."

Honey, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but a brief look at the history of every major holiday celebrated in the United States will reveal that not a one of them is "holy".  Naturally that goes for the holidays such as Independence Day, St. Patrick's Day, and the like.  Yet what most Christians that rail against Halloween seem to forget – or be completely ignorant of – is that Christmas and Easter are just as "unholy" as Halloween if you look at their roots and the true meaning behind the majority of the customs we practice at these times of year.  Again, though, we'll get to more of that in a moment.

Our erudite apostle goes on:

"Halloween is a counterfeit holy day that is dedicated to celebrating the demonic trinity of:  the Luciferian Spirit (the false father); the Antichrist Spirit (the false holy spirit); and the Spirit of Belial (the false son)."

What?  I have no idea where she came up with this.  First of all, there is nothing in Halloween's history that calls it "a holy day" – meaning it's not a counterfeit anything – nor is there any mention in its lore that speaks of venerating an evil triumvirate.  In fact, who even knew one existed?  I didn't, and I was practicing witch for many years.

She goes on to explain that this time of year has been "dedicated" to "darkness and an accursed season", allowing "time-release curses" (do those work like time-release capsules?) that allow demons to snare unsuspecting souls foolish enough to participate in trick-or-treating.

"For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches."

I don't have to touch that one again.  It kind of stands on its own; it needs no help from me to be mocked.

She continues by explaining that even the colors of Halloween, "orange, brown, and dark red", are so "dedicated".  Wouldn't that mean that these colors are always evil?  Wouldn't that imply that wearing these colors or using them in your household means you are inviting demons into your life?  She doesn't say, but she does go on to tell us more about this "evil" time of year:

"These colors are connected to the fall equinox, which is around the 20th or 21st of September each year and is sometimes called "Mabon".  During this season witches are celebrating the changing of seasons from summer to fall.  They give praise to the gods for the demonic harvest.  They pray to the gods of the elements (air, fire, water and earth)."

Indeed, for many centuries, people who lived by and with the land venerated the changing of the seasons.  They had many rituals to ensure a bountiful harvest.  These people were not "witches".  They were everyday folk just like us, except that the food they ate they grew on their own.  Without it, they would perish.  Without a bountiful harvest, they would not last the harsh winter to come.  Such harvest celebrations have been around for millennia.  In ancient Greece, for example, a festival called Oschophoria was held to celebrate the harvesting of grapes for wine.  Oooh, evil.

During the fall (and spring or "vernal") equinox, the length of the day is exactly the same; the only time of year that this occurs.  This follows naturally with the Winter and Summer Solstices – the longest and shortest days of the year, respectively.  The equinoxes and solstices are naturally occurring events that correlate with the tilt of the Earth on its axis; first recognized by the ancient Greeks once they realized that the Earth was spherical; part of their great body of work we know as "celestial navigation".

Celebrations of our ancestors were held around these times of year, when the seasons changed, as they lived by the land.  Without using the heavens and Earth itself, they could not ensure enough crops and harvest to get them through the year.  In these times, this could be a matter of life or death.  Rituals, celebrations, and offerings to deities for positive outcomes were common; indeed, there was nothing "evil" about them.

In later centuries, when Christianity came on the scene and began trying to convert the "pagans" (which meant, only, "heathens"), they simply inserted Christian-based holidays over the pre-existing pagan ones.  It was easier to convert the people, they found, if they kept some semblance of the ways they had always practiced; therefore, holidays were venerated on the same days as before and even with some of the same rituals, only now with new meanings per the Church.

Apostle Kim goes on to note that

"Mother earth is highly celebrated during the fall demonic harvest."

Certainly, our forebears celebrated the Earth as they – much unlike how we live today – relied on her for their very survival.  A healthy respect for the planet and a learned knowledge, passed down through generations, of the land, the seasons, and crops and livestock were how our ancient brethren survived.  Respect for this planet that sustains is something we would all do well to work back into our own lives, but I digress.

According to the above statement, then, Apostle Kim seems to indicate that any and all harvest taken in during the fall is "demonic".  If that be the case, then it would seem we are all doomed.  Every bit of non-processed food you eat (admittedly, it may not be that much these days) is oozing with pure evil.  McDonald's may be our salvation yet.

Apostle Kim says that "I am amazed at how ignorantly we participate in pagan, occult rituals."

Indeed!  On this, Apostle Kim and I can agree.  Let me, please and at this time, re-produce my Exposing Christian Holidays essay (click to read, a small window should appear that will let you stay on the blog and still peruse the article).

Nearly everything today has some "pagan" origins – and nothing more than the things we practice during seemingly "Christian" holidays.  Does this make all holidays evil?  No.  But we should be aware of why we do what we do, and where the original rituals come from.  In this light, Halloween is no more "evil" than any holiday acknowledged by the Christian church.

Apostle Kim goes on to state that the simple act of using Halloween decorations lines you up for a date with demons.  "All these activities," she says, "are demonic and have occult roots."

Yet, as I have said – and my essay proves – so do all holidays, and especially those Christian ones.  So her point is at best moot, and more than a shade ignorant.  Trust me, you are not going to burn in hell for letting your kids go trick-or-treating, nor are you inviting demons into your home if you carve a jack-o-lantern.

Ms. Daniels goes on to inform us – again I have no clue where she is getting this information, but I truly do suspect she dreamed it all up in her head – that the worst part of Halloween are the occult ("secret") things that go on "behind the scenes".  Things such as:

  • Sex with demons
  • Orgies between animals and humans
  • Animal and human sacrifices
  • Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
  • Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
  • Revel nights
  • Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
  • Release of "time-released" curses against the innocent and the ignorant

A very good rebuttal of such claims, and similar ones, can be found at the Religious Tolerance website, under Halloween:  More Misinformation from Evangelical Christian Groups.

The author's bio at the bottom of the piece states:

Kimberly Daniels is a sought-after conference speaker and preacher.  She is the founder of Kimberly Daniels Ministries International (kimberlydaniels.com), Spoken Word Ministries – the church she pastors in Jacksonville, Florida, with her husband, Ardell – A Child of the King Learning Center and Word Bible College.  Kim is a recognized prophetic voice as well as the author of several books, including her most recent, Prayers that Bring Change (Charisma House).

I took some time to browse through Apostle Kim's website, and found myself more and more disturbed.  She is very much obsessed with demons, and believes she has the power to cast them out of people.  She tells witches they serve "sissy, punk gods" and is described as having a "no-nonsense confrontation with the powers of darkness" borne of her own "checkered past" (read more about that here).  She tours the country in a 30' Winnebago that is called "The Demon Buster".  A modern-day, ghostbuster, though in this case she is a "demonbuster", she also has available on her website ($10 if you're interested, folks) a music CD called Demon Bustin' on which she performs "Christian rap music".  Her church has over 15,000 members dubbed "Commanders of the Morning".

On her blog, she talks about a conference she held in March called "Iron Sharpens Iron" and the power she held over the room, through the power of Jesus Christ:

"The usual church status quo is for people to get pumped up when the man or woman of God comes on the scene. I am so glad to testify that the Lord was moving when I walked into the door. It was also a blessing to know that a few ladies made a statement to my staff, “We did not come for deliverance but we came to see what Kim Daniels was really about.” I praise God that these ladies were the first ones in the line in the deliverance room. Our team prayed for 90 people in two hours and people were set free. They did not get counseling. They did not get stroked but they got the devil cast out of their lives. It is time out for medicating and counseling demons. Jesus came to set the captives free. In the economy we live in it is not conducive to be bound."

So what is Kimberly Daniels about?  We know she lived a rough past life, found Jesus and then founded a church.  We know she has a nation-wide, if not global-wide, following.  We know that while Jesus may have improved her life, her ministry has undoubtedly improved her pocketbook.

I have a great deal of trouble seeing rich evangelicals preaching the word of a man who chose to live a simple, poverty-riddled life.  Jesus wanted people to go forth and multiply, yes, but he wasn't referring to their bank accounts.

By using the everyone-is-riddled-with-demons analogy, she has created a faith based on fear.  The fear of being overrun by demons and that Satan is controlling one's life.  The only answer – in fact, the only salvation – is to come to Jesus Christ…through her.  She is the middle-man.  She is the one with the answers, the hope, and the direct line to God who can ring you straight through and get your sorry ass saved.  Without her, her guidance and words, her prophetic message, and her personal connection to The Almighty, you are, in essence, a lost sheep.

Nothing could be further from the truth.  This woman doesn't tend lost sheep; she slaughters innocent lambs – people that are scared and searching for answers, that don't know how to find God on their own and need someone to show them the way.  Using this fear, and installing herself as the intermediary for God's divine providence, she has become very powerful and very rich.  She writes and sells books, makes music CDs and DVDs, and offers conferences where you can be touched by her powers directly – for $100 a person.

Pastor Kim tours the world, proselytizing and bringing Jesus into peoples' lives.  She founded the Word Bible College in 1995 to teach students about Jesus and God's word, where they can graduate with doctorates in Christianity – perhaps to start their evangelical ministry.

This is not to say that Pastor Kim has not done good works, and that she has not helped a lot of people.  Yet when someone is living a rich, privileged lifestyle and uses fear and scare tactics as their method of "reaching out" to people, I have a problem with that.

Daniels's The Danger of Celebrating Halloween is one, big, misinformed scarefest.  She has no proof to back up any of her claims, and doesn't feel the need – it would appear – to offer any.  People accept her word as gospel; it's just what she is used to.  This is a woman who honestly claimed that witches pray over all candy that is shipped out pre-Halloween.  All. Candy.  Think about that for a moment.  Does this sound like a sane, rational person?  Does this sound like someone that should be leading thousands?

No, but she does.  Therein lies the problem.  Evangelists want you to believe they care about you and that they are preaching God's word, but it is all selfish works.  Everything they do is to elevate themselves in the eyes of others; it's an ego trip – and a very lucrative one.  There is not a single ounce of truth in her article, yet it is posted all over the Internet and there are thousands that are reading it and, worse yet, believing it.

I would rather be one of the "blood drinking, moon howling witches" that she prays for than believe that God chooses people like this woman to spread his Word.  Jesus was the exact opposite of a rich egotist living a life of luxury, and how anyone can live such a life yet claim a direct, personal relationship with him is beyond me.

Enjoy Halloween, people.  If you can enjoy Christmas and Easter with no worries or guilt, then I can assure you that no ill will befall you or yours for celebrating this innocuous holiday.

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

Questions for Theists

The questions are directed primarily to the followers of the God of Abraham

1. Would you be able to enjoy Heaven knowing that people you love are tormented in Hell ?

2. . How come so many times the all-knowing God doesnt seem to have a clue whats gonna happen ?

3. How do you justify God punishing Adam and Eve for something the did before having any knowledge about good and evil ?

4. What will happen in the Afterlife to the people who never heard about your religion ?

5. How do you justify an infinite punishment for a finite crime ?

Tweek! Twits for the Week of 2009-10-25

Sunday, October 25th, 2009

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Tweek! Twits for the Week of 2009-10-18

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

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Interracial Couple Denied – Story Hits International Headlines

Saturday, October 17th, 2009

Yesterday I covered the story of interracial (and newly married) couple Beth Humphrey McKay and Terence McKay, JOP Keith Bardwell Denies Racism Claim, His Black Friends Use His Potty.  Today I learned the story has not only spread nationally (I first read about it over on Huffington Post), but internationally.  Local news station, WAFB, reports that the McKays have been getting so many calls, their phones are blocking up.  Some of those calls have come in from international news agencies such as the BBC.

As of yet, Justice of the Peace Keith Bardwell has remained mum after initially addressing the issue with conflicting statements.  He maintains he is "not racist" but that he "does not believe in mixing the races that way" and that, as JOP, he has the right to decide who he metes his duties out to.

Not so, says local attorney Jill Croft:

"This is plain, straight up Constitutional law.  You cannot make those decisions on the basis of race."

To date, JOP Bardwell has not been sanctioned.  An investigation will first have to be launched, but there is no doubt that one will take place.  Governor Bobby Jindal issued a statement calling for disciplinary action against Bardwell as well as the revoking of his license.  President Barack Obama, WAFB says, was even informed of the situation aboard Air Force One yesterday.

In his initial statements, Bardwell admitted that the state attorney general had warned him he would someday get in trouble for his refusal to marry interracial couples.  He seemed unfazed, and stated he would simply resign if it ever came to be a problem.  However, it is doubtful Bardwell ever imagined his moral objection would land him in hot water with the Governor himself; much less the President of the United States.  Even the McKays are shocked that their story has reached international headlines.

"I thought it'd be local. We thought just be around this area. It went international," Terence McKay states.  Beth McKay says, regardless, they are not going to let the issue die:

"We just wanted to stand up to that justice of the peace. What he did was completely illegal and wrong. We didn't want to have to take that."

Mrs. McKay is right.  She and her husband have become overnight champions of the rights of interracial couples and a symbol of standing up to racism.  Hopefully their fight will help other couples who are faced with the same ignorant prejudices and bigotry.

JOP Keith Bardwell Denies Racism Claim, His Black Friends Use His Potty

Friday, October 16th, 2009

Just when you start to believe this country has made a major victory and positive steps forward against racism, some backwoods Louisiana idiot has to drag us three steps back.

The backward steps occurred when Justice of the Peace for Tangipahoa Parish's 8th Ward, Keith Bardwell, refused to marry interracial couple, Beth Humphrey, 30, and Terence McKay, 32, of Hammond, Louisiana because he is against mixing his crayons; especially when doing so produces those imperfect Blue-Greens and Orange-Reds.  Solid colors only, please, in JOP Bardwell's color box.

When Beth Humphrey placed the call to setup the marriage, on October 6, Bardwell's wife inquired as to whether the couple was interracial (apparently this is asked of all prospective couples who call for Bardwell's services).  When Beth confirmed that they were, Bardwell's wife informed Ms. Humphrey that her husband did not officiate interracial marriages.  She suggested, instead, that the couple contact JOP Terri Crosby of Tickfaw, Louisiana, who apparently has no problem letting two people in love practice their legal right as Americans to join in holy matrimony.  Humphrey did, but - thankfully - has decided not to let the matter end there.

Bardwell insists he is not a racist, he just doesn't "believe in mixing the races that way".  Right.

In his tenure as JOP, Bardwell has turned down at least four other interracial couples, according to his own statements and his own skewed view that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  He reports that he asks all couples that call for his services if they are mixed.  If they are, he refuses to marry them.

"If I did an interracial marriage for one couple, I must do the same for all.  I try to treat everyone equally."

His concern, he says, is for the children that may come from such a coupling.  He explains that neither white or black society readily accepts mixed children.  He feels the children are "innocent" and should not suffer for the decision of their parents to procreate.

"There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage.  I think those children suffer and I won't help put them through it."

Yet, Bardwell continues to press that he is "not racist".  In attempting to distance himself from that association he counters:

"I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."

Unfortunately, Mr. Bardwell does not understand that his actions are racist, regardless of whether his "piles of black friends" are allowed to go doody in his personal potty.

Beth Humphrey was, naturally, appalled at Mr. Bardwell's decision to not officiate their marriage.

I was just really shocked, because he's an elected official.  We would like him to resign.  He doesn't believe he's being racist, but it is racist."

Humphrey is right, and others agree with her.  She and her soon-to-be husband intend to consult the U.S. Justice Department about filing a discrimination complaint.  They have plenty of folks on their side, including Louisiana ACLU Executive Director, Marjorie R. Esman, who called Bardwell's decision "tragic and illegal", as well as American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana attorney Katie Schwartzmann, who called the act "astonishing and disappointing".  Both want to see Bardwell taken to task for his decision, and each refer to the 1963 Supreme Court case in Loving vs. Virginia that ruled that the "government cannot prohibit marriages simply because of the race of the spouses."

The non-racist label Bardwell clings to reveals even more cracks as he digs himself deeper by trying to further explain his decision.  He obviously has misgivings about interracial couples, beyond his stated concerns for the children of said couple.  He claims to find it "rather confusing" that - from his experience and "99% of the time" - interracial couples consist of a black man and white woman.  Beth Humphreys is white and her fiance is black.  What that has to do with anything, and why Bardwell finds it to be "confusing" are just further proof of his inherent, and perhaps even subconscious, racism.

He goes on to claim that interracial marriages, more often than not, "do not last long".  Usually, in such cases and according to Bardwell (based on, he says, conversations with blacks and whites and seeing interracial couples himself), the grandparents or another relative end up being the ones to raise the children.

"Yet, the children are innocent. They had nothing to do with that.  I don't do interracial marriages because I don’t want to put children in a situation they didn’t bring on themselves.  In my heart, I feel the children will later suffer."

I don't have any handy statistics to prove there is or is not any merit to Bardwell's statements, but I would believe that divorcing couples or children that end up being raised by a relative other than their parents is just as common - if not more - in same-race marriages as in mixed-race ones.  Bardwell claims his "experience" comes from talks with both blacks and whites and his own observations.  Neither, however, gives him legal or moral grounds to deny couples of mixed race the right to be wed.

He feels he is safe because he is not telling Beth Humphrey and Terence McKay they cannot marry; he is just saying he won't be the one to do it.  However, does he, as a Justice of the Peace, have such power?  Just as pharmacists have gotten in hot water for refusing to fill birth control prescriptions based on their religious convictions, does a JOP have the right to arbitrarily choose who he doles out the powers of his job to?

The ACLU, naturally, says "no".  They have forwarded a letter to the Louisiana Judiciary Committee - who oversees the state justice of the peace - to investigate Bardwell.  Their recommendation was "the most severe sanctions available" as they believe that "such blatant bigotry poses a substantial threat of serious harm to the administration of justice."

Patricia Morris, chapter president of the Tangipahoa NAACP, said,

"He's an elected public official and one of his duties is to marry people. He doesn't have the right to say he doesn't believe in it."

Bardwell seems unruffled.  He claims that, as a JOP, he is "not required to conduct a marriage ceremony and is at liberty to recuse myself from a marriage or anything else."  However, he adds that the state attorney general warned him that he would "eventually" be taken to task for his position on interracial marriages and refusal to perform them.

"I told him if I do, I’ll resign.  I have rights too. I’m not obligated to do that just because I'm a justice of the peace.

However, Schwartzmann countered his assumption.

"He knew he was breaking the law, but continued to do it."

With all the heat now coming down on him, he may have no choice but to resign, or be nixed from his post.  Currently, his appointment comes to an end on Dec. 31, 2014 and this is supposed to be his last term.

The mind-boggling aspect of the whole thing is Bardwell's continued assertion that he is "not racist" and "treats everyone equally", despite the obvious fact that he does not.  Based on his "piles and piles of black friends" who are allowed to use his bathroom, he feels he is somehow absolved from being labeled a racist even if he thinks you shouldn't be "mixing the races that way" and clings to some ridiculous and unsubstantiated view that interracial couples often divorce and leave relatives to care for their offspring.  He obviously has a prejudice against mixed couples and mixed children.  He seems to forget that our current President is of mixed heritage, and it certainly doesn't seem to have caused any problems for him as a child or, later, as an adult.

I believe I could swallow and digest the entire thing more easily if Bardwell just admitted he was, indeed, racist or, at least, held some racist viewpoints.  It's not as if, sadly, here in the South that isn't common enough.  Yet he clings to the idea that he is not at all, not one bit, racist - yet feels justified denying a couple in love the right to be married because of his own asserted prejudices.  The hypocrisy is enough to make your head spin!

Somehow, such racism is even more insidious than the out-and-out obvious kind.  Bardwell feels he treats everyone "equally" - yet turns right around and refuses to marry couples that are mixed.  What is "equal" about that, I ask you?  Just because he allows his gaggle of black pals to poop in his house, he feels no one can label him a "racist".  Yet denying rights to people based on their color of skin, is racist.  There are no in-betweens here; bathroom use or not.

It is sad to know such things are still going on in 2009, but not surprising - not if you live here in southern Louisiana, to be sure.  I am very happy that Beth and Terence are pursing this and bringing light to Bardwell's unfair treatment of them and the other mixed couples he has denied to perform marriage for.  Someone must take a stand; someone must stand up and say, "This is not right!" and move forward to fix it.  With the local chapters of NAACP and ACLU behind them, I believe that positive change will come about here.  Also on their side is Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, who has also called for an investigation and sanctions against JOP Bardwell:

"This is a clear violation of constitutional rights and federal and state law. ... Disciplinary action should be taken immediately -- including the revoking of his license."

Personally, I intend to write a letter to JOP Bardwell myself, expressing my concerns and dismay over his poor choices and attempting to point out - politely, I promise! - his blatant hypocrisy and unfair treatment of mixed couples.  It saddens me to think such ignorance is still so prevalent in those that are appointed or elected to work for the people and represent the basic foundation of this country - freedom and equality for all.

For more on this, and credit to the articles I referenced when writing this piece, you may check out the following:

Zombieland Kicked Ass

Monday, October 12th, 2009

It's the dreaded zombie apocalypse and phobia-wracked Columbus, zombie-ass kicker Tallahassee, and sisters Wichita and Little Rock are a ragtag group of survivors trying to make their way through Zombieland.

This movie kicked ass.  There is simply no other way to put it.  The best review and praise I can give it, is that I laughed so hard I popped a blood vessel in my eye.  No.  Seriously.

I say the "dreaded zombie apocalypse" but then realize the "dreaded" part only applies to a certain subset of the population.  I really don't see many soccer moms, business execs, construction workers, stay-at-home mothers, or wedding planners sitting around considering the zombie apocalypse and making their plans on how to survive when (not if) it happens.

On the other hand, nerds, geeks, gamers, and hardcore techies the world over not only think about the impending zombie apocalypse, they have their game plan laid out - usually incorporating their friends, meeting places, best places to hole up, and how to get their hands on as much badass weaponry as possible (to wit, Baret and I plan to make our way to Bass Pro or Cabela's - if you don't get eaten, we'll see you there).

After the movie, Baret and I ran back to the house to pick up our extra Wii Zapper and Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles so I could sate my desire - ramped up by the movie, of course - to slay zombies.  It also helps to stay in practice.  We planned to then go on over to our friend, Ken's, house - who had just gone to the movie with us - for some gaming and steak (good combo, I highly recommend it).

Right after the movie, we ran over to Best Buy to get another Wii Zapper.  We have one and the Wii Perfect Shot Gun that I got on Amazon, but the handgun just doesn't work as well.  While there, we spotted the Cabela's Big Game Hunter with gun bundle.  The gun looked like a sawed-off shotgun and since shotguns are my weapon of choice in zombie games, we decided to give it a try.  Unfortunately, the configuration just couldn't be adjusted to work with the gun correctly on Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles and instead of being able to shoot where the trigger should be, I had to reach forward and pull right under the barrel.  My arm was killing me and my hits and critical hits took a nosedive, so we brought it back.  Later, Ken suggested we grab the Wii Resident Evil Blaster Gun, and that's now on order.  As you might have ascertained, zombie killing is serious business in our house.

Back to the movie, though, Zombieland is a wild, fun ride - a romp with gore and laughter that never disappoints and doesn't slow down.  There is no point that you're safe to take a bathroom break, because you will miss either action or laughs - or both.  There is also a hilarious celeb cameo that had the audience in stitches; I won't spoil the surprise, but it was priceless.

My thought is that they had a lot of fun making this movie, especially Woody Harrelson who appeared to be in his element.  It's good to see him making a big comeback, as well - I have always had a soft spot for Woody since I was a young girl watching Cheers.  Newcomer Jesse Eisenberg was awesome - I loved his character and the acting was top-notch.  Young Abigail Breslin (you might remember her as the quiet, youngest daughter in Signs with Mel Gibson) nailed playing the growing-up-too-fast 12 year-old, tough and no-nonsense but still retaining some of her innocence.  Tough beauty Emma Stone was drop-dead sexy and played the badass with a soft heart (that she, of course, tries to hide) with expertise.  It was a solid cast, a perfect script, and an all-around awesomely done movie.  I can't recommend going to see it enough.  It was the most enjoyable 80 minutes I've spent in a long time.