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March 3rd, 2010

Buzz Control

I have noted an alarming phenomenon that appears to be gaining in popularity – much to the detriment of those that like to keep the sound switched "on" when using their instant messaging programs.

I refer to this blight on the i.m.ing world as "Buzzer Frenzy", and it refers to the individuals that like to, rather excessively, abuse the BUZZ button while chatting.  (Note:  In particular, this refers to the BUZZ feature in Yahoo! Messenger.)

I do not like to ever use the BUZZ button, truth be told; yet there are some – very few – instances where it might apply.  Perhaps when someone has been a.f.k. overlong or you truly need to grab their attention in case of an emergency.

To truly understand the seriousness of Buzzer Frenzy and why it must be stopped, one must first understand what happens when the BUZZ button is pressed.

Not only does it deliver a loud, jarring sound to the user being buzzed (if their sound is on) and vibrates their messenger window making it appear to be seizing, it takes the cursor out of whatever window the user happens to already be typing in, and puts it into the buzzing, vibrating, horribly annoying window with the buzzing user that you now want to choke the everliving shit out of.

Rude?  It goes beyond that.

Let's say I'm typing to a family member who does not live near me and we are discussing a sudden family crisis that has just happened – we are typing back and forth, completely absorbed in our conversation and not paying attention to other i.m.s popping up that are, at this moment, not as important.  (Yes, this has happened to me).

Some asshat, let's call him Asshat, comes on and says "hi", and I – in the midst of having a very important conversation – do not respond immediately to that person.  Asshat waits a few moments then, just as I'm in mid-sentence typing a frantic reply to my family member, my cursor is zapped over to Asshat's window and the remainder of my sentence ends up there.

Amazingly, Asshat rarely understands why I then go into a homicidal rage and start typing in all caps and bold, red font WTMF DO YOU WANT YOU STUPID, IMPATIENT, RUDE ASSHAT OF A MORON???!!!!!

The worse are the dumbfucks that BUZZ as a conversation starter.

For example, a dumbfuck, let's call him Dumbfuck, decides he wants to chat with me.  I do not know Dumbfuck, I have never talked to Dumbfuck before, but he has read my profile (which, by the way, says, "please do not buzz") and sees I'm female (really, that's all it takes) and decides to strike up a conversation with me.

Dumbfuck does not send a friendly "Hello, would you like to chat", a simple "Hi", or even a spastic, incoherent "hiiiii h r u" to see if I'm interested in responding or even online at all.  He doesn't care if I'm busy, in a location where I need not have a loud jarring sound blaring from my computer, or in the middle of a chat with someone else.  He wants my attention now, and – to him apparently – it is imperative that I respond to him and only him right at this very instant.

Dumbfuck:  BUZZ

That is his hello.  That is his introduction…no idea that this makes him come across as an arrogant, rude, impatient dumbfuck.  No care that his rude buzzing may take my cursor from an already open window and on-going conversation and stick it in his – a complete stranger with a patience problem and a lack of common decency.

Dumbfuck, then, also has no idea why I respond with a curt "Go suck a donkey's taint, fucktard".

I have become so irate and intolerant of the buzz button that I get livid even when it is used in moderation; if someone uses it at all, I pretty much go ballistic and put them on ignore.

These people (usually men) are completely ignorant of the fact that their excessive abuse of the Buzz button is driving the sane half of the i.m. world insane.  This has to stop – or instant messengers need to eliminate the buzz button from their programs, as they seem to serve no better purpose than to drive people batty.

Please, do your part to end Buzzer Frenzy.

(Have your own BUZZ or other I.M.-irritations to share?  Leave them in the comments & we'll commiserate together!)

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