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November 24th, 2004

Confession

With the good comes the bad - or, as I prefer to say it, with the sweets comes the sour. But if you don't have one, how could you ever appreciate the other? Personally I love to mix sweet & sour - how about you?

I know, I know, wtf am I babbling about?! It's been a rough week, friends (and it's only Wednesday). I'll be honest with you here - though I've been trying to decide if I was going to confess share this or not - I fucked up. Some of you already know what that means. Yes, I cut. But that's not the bad news! The bad news is I did it two nights in a row. It's a low I haven't hit in many, many years.

I want to first thank you all for you concern - those that commented here asking after me and those that sent concerned emails during my prolonged absence. It's so nice to know there are people who, even though I've never met them in the flesh, truly care about my well-being.

I won't go into the reasons I slipped up; it's not really worth it. What's done is done. It isn't bad, and it likely won't even scar so don't think I was over here hacking at myself like a mad woman as in days of yore.

The sweet of this seeming-bowl-of-lemons is that today I feel better. Not because I cut, but just because I do. I don't know why I've been so depressed and I don't know why I woke up feeling a little better today than I did the day before. That's just the way of my psyche. Maybe it's the holiday tomorrow - I enjoy the chance to get together with my family. Maybe it's the break in the overcast, dreariness that has been our permanent weather for going on two weeks. Maybe it's because there's finally a cool snap rather than the tepid and sticky humidity that has been hanging heavily in the air. Perhaps because The Worm and I had a huge fight last night which ended in an amazing make-up and opening up to each other that brought us much, much closer. Whatever the reason, for the first time in many days, I'm happy to be alive. I'm not yet overjoyed at the prospect, but you've got to start somewhere. If I can make it back to the giddy joy that I felt a few weeks ago - loving life and being in high spirits every single day - I'll be most content.

So enough of all that. Today is a new day - a fresh, clean slate. I want to wish every single one of you and yours a very blessed and Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all gorge yourselves on turkey, green bean casserole, rice dressing and booty bread. I hope you share a million laughs with your loved ones and fall asleep tomorrow night full, happy and content.

In closing, I'd like to hear from all of you - tell me, on the eve of Turkey Day - what are you thankful for?

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