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November 29th, 2004

Parking Lot Philosophers

Not much to say and even less time to post it, so I thought I'd share with you this piece from my website that I've put together. Spam Recycled (yes, these are all real). My comments in italics.

I've gotten lots of these "dogfart skanks" ones - what IS a "dogfart skank"? Can someone enlighten me?

Make it So big she'll bleed!
I'm sure that you'll get lots of women that way - we love being ripped open.

correspond with attreactive Russian women
...that can't spell.

It may not do much else, but won't your friends be jealous?

RE: Your sister is in this adult flick!
That's sure going to make me click right away! Who thinks these things up?

my summer at the farm...i got pics!
Somehow I don't think these are your average, down-on-the-farm, family photos

There's that word again

Is this some strange fetish I don't know about? Seeing "snobby" girls getting screwed??

I guess this would depend on WHAT celebrities are involved

That somehow seems painful

Where did you go? I'm all naked for you! from YummyNicole0000
Where I'd go? Where in the hell did you come from?

As opposed to those expensive ones you have to buy at Wal-Mart. This one came from someone named BIGGER_PENIS

Even dumber than the person who doesn't know the correct usage of the words "your" and "you're"?

Super Blue Stuff Pain Relief - On Sale Today!
For some reason, I think I'd be better off in pain.

Roar, baby.

Naked and nude? What are the chances??

Earnest's nude pics! OMG!
OMG - the idea of someone named Earnest in the buff scares me; what about you?

Touch my hole
Um, no - ugh

For the murder enthusiast

Russian Women Won't Take You For Granted
So order one for your home today

Mike, here’s my Viagra guy
Take me to your dealer.

Now there's a greeting

dick slurping young ones
Young what? Aliens? Hippopotamus? Amoebas?

Lezbos go for the pussy licking award
Isn't that right after Miss America?

Real Woman ready to cheat
...and so desperate she has to find a partner to do so with online. Sounds like a winner.

I am moving tomorrow
You are?! Oh - I'll miss you SO MUCH! Wait - who in the hell are you?

yes.. .I am still a virgin
And yes, I still don't care.

Fw: Incoennt Psortitute Rimming
Also included - the most atrocious spelling you'll ever witness!

Reply: Awmseoe Fucking Caroton Wrehos
Notice they spelled 'fucking' right.

Re: Hot Hi Roeslution Dlownoadable Movies
I am convinced that they're hiring 6 year-olds from impoverished countries to type this shit out.

Do My Mom!
No, you pervert.

FW: Mature Moms wants a date
They're so much better than those immature Moms.

Christian Singles with Christian Principles
Because it's totally Christian to look for sex on singles' sites.

Re: Hot Woman Poohts
Am I correct in assuming that this email is offering me hot farts?

annnnnall girrrlss datttttinnnnngg siitttee
Who knew stuttering was evident in typing?

My Friend's Mom Fucked On This...
That's just great - thanks for sharing.

parking lot philosophers
How does one become one of these exactly?

bro - enhance your security
Like, totally, bro'. This security shit is da bomb - some p-h-a-t ass shit, ya hear me?

wahts for my brihtday?
"Spelling for Dummies"?

I have this feet problem
And this is supposed to make me want to open this email?

Poke her from the next room
With a super-massive-long-FINGER!

Soft at incredibly low prices
Great because soft is getting entirely too expensive these days.

WOW My Dick IS Huge
Good for you.

Your aunt needs this
How'd you know? She's been looking for 'this' for YEARS now!

Why aren't you Par Wilkie?
Well, fuck, why aren't you Brad Pitt? We could be having a lot more fun right now if you were.

Fire hydrant 8 fetishes
And I thought I was the only one with a fetish for fire hydrants.

We owe you $824425
Are you sure about that amount? I could've sworn it was $825324.

Increase your Dick weight
Because everyone knows its size weight that matters.

I fianally lost my cherry
And the spelling bee!

Respectable fedora hat
Because heaven forbid you walk out of the house in one of those *unrespectable* ones!

2 hrs/day can = $20,113/month
And I bet you've got a big, golden-ish bridge to sell me, too, right?

My sister is still a virgin.
How do you know & why do I care?

2 dicks in her butt
Because two is better than one.

Self Inflicted Financial Wounds
I do it to myself every time.

only you can prevent lard on your arse
After getting sick of fire prevention, Smokey moved on to the prevention of Ass Lard.

Claim your Free Barbeque
Pit? Meal? Sauce?

Re: Hot Teen Ejnoying Huge Dick
Um, isn't that illegal?

I'm not sure I really see the advantages of this.

Let us match you with a REAL person!
Drat, I was really looking to be paired up with a Sasquatch or an alien.

I love getting filled with sperm
Next time please just say 'I like to get fucked'.

Stupid Amateur Tenes Ejaculation video
Nothing quite turns me on like 'stupid' people.

Christian Debt Network – Saving families from debt.
But only Christian ones. The rest of you heathens can burn in hell with your debt.

Jesus Wants You to Save.
He loves you that much. This came from Christain Mortgage USA.

Be careful of downloading music files
But be sure to open this unsolicited and possibly virus-ridden email.

Passion should last forever
This came from "New Blue Pill". Passion in pill form - I personally prefer to take it in liquid.

FW: Stupid Amateur Girl Aweomse Fisting
Because no one can fist like stupid amateurs.

Looking for Quality Christian Singles?
Too bad you won't find them here.

If you love her you'll look
Nothing says I love you like opening spam emails.

You can be smart!
But you negate that the second you open this email.

even if you suck at paying your bills, we can get you a mortgage
I definitely want to deal with a company that uses the word "sucks" in its advertising, don't you?

Dripping Lady In Need for C0Ck!
Sounds to me like she's in need of a towel.

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