Log inskip to content

March 30th, 2005

A Nigerian 419 Letter Response

Who doesn't get these things? I was bored today and decided to write a pithy response and here it is. And no, I did not mail it back to the moron in question.

His email has been put as a link - send him something cute while it's still up.

His atrocious grammar, god-awful spelling and general massacring of the English language have been left as is. My responses in italics; enjoy:

Dear Friend,

You may be surprise to receive this letter from me,since you dont know me personally,

Not really, no. I get this kind of shit all the time.

I am Richards Mumbah. The son of Dr. Smith Mumbah, Who was recently murdered in the land dispute in Zimbabwe.

Really? Nice to meet you, Richards. I'm Princess Sophia Isadora Magdalena of Whisklick, Pluto, and heir to the throne of Whisklick and my grandfather's prized unicorn horn collection.

I got your contact as i was searching for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential business which involve a transfer of fund to a foreign account and i decided to write you. My late father was among the few black Zimbabwean opposition party rich farmers murdered by the agents of the ruling Government of president Robert mugabe,for his alleged support and sympathy for the Zimbabwean opposition party controlled by the white minority,

Whoa there, padre. Way too much information. I really don't need all of this boring backstory. Let's get down to the nitty gritty - what the fuck do you want?

Before my father death,he had taken to johannesburg and deposited the sum of twenty five million united state dollars (US$25,000,000)with a security and financial company,

Your father must've been one damn good farmer. That's a lot of dough for a farmer, even a rich one. Exactly what was your father farming, Richards?

The money right now is in (EUROPE), as if he forseen the looming danger in zimbabwe. The money was deposited in a box as valuable items to avoid over taxed custom clearance.

He "forseen" it, eh? So he was physic, too? If he "forseen" coming danger why didn't he get the hell out of dodge rather than hiding his money? Not a lot of common sense, that physic oddly rich farming father of yours.

This money was allocated for the purchase of new machinery and chemical product for Agro-allied farms and for establishment of new farms in lesotho and swaziland.This land problems arose when president Robert mugabe introduced a new land act that wholly affected the rich white farmers and some blacks vehemently condemned the "modus operandi"adopted by the government.

*Yawn* B-o-r-i-n-g. You are boring me again, Richards. Let's move this bullshit along, shall we?

This result to rampant killings and mob action by the war veterans and some political Thugs,precisely more than three thousand( 3,000)people have so far been killed.Heads of government from the west, especially Britain and united states have voice their condemnation of Mugabe's plans.

You're probably one of those people that take 5 minutes longer than normal at the drive-thru window, eh? I really could give a shit less about the struggles of your country, your people, your family and, least of all, you. Would you get to the POINT already?

Subsequently, south Africa have development community(S.A.D.C)has continousy supported mugabe's new land act.

Can I interrupt you for just one moment here to say that your English skills are extremely lacking? You'd think if you were going to send a con letter to someone filled with lots of backstory bullshit and ridiculous requests you'd at least take the time to find a decent English translator so you don't come across as the illiterate, half-witted, treacherous, worthless sack of shit scam "artist" that you are.

It is against this background that my entire family who are currently residing in South Africa have decided to ! transfer my father's wealth and south Africa's government seems to be playing along with them.I am face with the dilemma of investing this money in south Africa for fear of encountering the same experience in the future, since both countries have almost the same political history.

Damn. Poor you. Can you hear my little violin?

Moreso,the south African foreign exchange policy does not allow such investment,Hence i am seeking for(political asylum) AS a business person whom i entrusted my future and that of my family into his hands, i must let you know that this transaction is 100% risk free and the nature of your business does not necessarily matter.

So let me get this straight. You, who can't even speak proper English, want me, whom you don't know from Adam, to help you with your money? Oh sure, that makes perfect sense. 100% risk free, you say? Well, hell, why wouldn't I want to deal with someone who randomly emails strangers asking them for help in handling millions of dollars? It sounds perfectly legitimate.

For your assistance we are offering you 20% of the sum ,70% for me and my family,while 10% will be mapped out for any expenses that we may incurre during this transaction.

20%, eh? Nah, I want 40%. Shit, while we're at it since this is all COMPLETE BULLSHIT, let me ask for 100%. I want it all, baby. As the Princess and heir to the throne of Whisklick, I demand it.

We wish to invest our money on commecial properties based on your advice.

Well, I know of a nice, big golden-ish bridge you might be interested in.

Finally, i will demand for assurance that you will not sit on the money when it gets to your personally account or comp! any account in your country, If this proposal is accepted please confirm your interest by sending this above to richmartin2005@netscape.net

It's a little early in our relationship for you to be "demanding" anything of me, Richards. I've got a demand, though. How's this, you quit emailing me this asinine crap and I won't forward your little email addy on to the US Secret Service's Financial Crimes Division, Netscape whose email account you are using for illegal purposes, or any of the embassies of the country you purport to be from, eh?

Thanks.

No, thank you, asshole, for the entertainment. Your badly written bullshit and pathetic attempts at scamming were a hoot to read.

God Bless You,
Richard Martins Mumbah.

Go Fuck Yourself,
Princess Sophia I. Magdalena

No tags for this post.

No Responses to “A Nigerian 419 Letter Response”

  1. http://tinyurl.com/yygalaof
    http://tinyurl.com/yygalaof says:

    I'm gone to tell my little brother, that he should also pay a visit this weblog on regular basis to take updated
    from hottest news update.

  2. http://tinyurl.com/
    http://tinyurl.com/ says:

    My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find the majority of your post's to
    be exactly what I'm looking for. Would you offer
    guest writers to write content for you personally? I wouldn't mind publishing a post
    or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write with regards
    to here. Again, awesome website!

  3. download minecraft free
    download minecraft free says:

    Truly no matter if someone doesn't know then its up to other people that they
    will assist, so here it takes place.

  4. tinyurl.com
    tinyurl.com says:

    Awesome! Its in fact remarkable post, I have got much clear idea regarding
    from this post.

  5. http://tinyurl.com
    http://tinyurl.com says:

    I feel that is among the so much significant info for me. And i am happy studying your article.

    But should remark on few general issues, The website taste is wonderful, the articles
    is in point of fact great : D. Good process, cheers

  6. Jerry
    Jerry says:

    I seriously love your site.. Pleasant colors & theme.

    Did you develop this amazing site yourself? Please reply back as I'm hoping to create my own personal blog and want to know
    where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named.
    Many thanks!

  7. how to download minecraft free
    how to download minecraft free says:

    I'm extremely impressed with your writing skills and
    also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?
    Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it's rare to see a nice blog
    like this one these days.

  8. Jodi
    Jodi says:

    Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a forty foot drop, just
    so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views.
    I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share
    it with someone!

  9. Edythe
    Edythe says:

    I am not sure where you are getting your information, but
    great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
    Thanks for excellent info I was looking for this information for my mission.

  10. Peggy
    Peggy says:

    My brother recommended I might like this web site.
    He was totally right. This post truly made my day. You cann't imagine just how much time I had spent
    for this information! Thanks!

  11. http://tinyurl.com/
    http://tinyurl.com/ says:

    Appreciate the recommendation. Let me try it out.

  12. minecraft for free
    minecraft for free says:

    If you wish for to increase your familiarity
    simply keep visiting this web page and be updated
    with the newest news update posted here.

  13. Tosha
    Tosha says:

    If some one needs to be updated with newest technologies after that he must be pay a visit this
    website and be up to date daily.

  14. http://tinyurl.com
    http://tinyurl.com says:

    Hi would you mind sharing which blog platform you're using?
    I'm looking to start my own blog soon but I'm having a
    difficult time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I'm looking
    for something unique. P.S Apologies for getting off-topic but
    I had to ask!

  15. http://tinyurl.com/y3fe9sdf
    http://tinyurl.com/y3fe9sdf says:

    An impressive share! I've just forwarded this onto a co-worker
    who had been doing a little homework on this. And he
    in fact ordered me dinner because I stumbled upon it
    for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thanks for the meal!!
    But yeah, thanx for spending some time to discuss this matter here on your web page.

  16. tinyurl.com
    tinyurl.com says:

    Magnificent goods from you, man. I have keep in mind your stuff prior to
    and you're just extremely fantastic. I really like what you've
    got right here, really like what you are saying and the best way
    during which you are saying it. You're making it entertaining and you still care for to keep it wise.
    I can't wait to learn far more from you. That is really
    a wonderful site.

  17. g
    g says:

    I think the admin of this site is in fact working hard in support
    of his web page, since here every stuff is quality based stuff.

  18. g
    g says:

    Aw, this was a really nice post. Finding the time and actual effort to make a good article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot
    and never manage to get nearly anything done.

  19. minecraft download free
    minecraft download free says:

    Fantastic beat ! I wish to apprentice whilst you
    amend your web site, how can i subscribe for a blog web site?
    The account helped me a appropriate deal. I were tiny bit
    familiar of this your broadcast provided vibrant transparent idea

  20. http://tinyurl.com/
    http://tinyurl.com/ says:

    Hi this is kind of of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use
    WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
    I'm starting a blog soon but have no coding experience so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience.
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  21. Onita
    Onita says:

    Aw, this was a really nice post. Taking the time and actual effort to create a great article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot and don't seem to get nearly anything done.

  22. tinyurl.com
    tinyurl.com says:

    I am actually thankful to the holder of this site who has shared this wonderful
    post at at this place.

  23. Kala
    Kala says:

    Now I am going to do my breakfast, when having my breakfast coming yet again to read other
    news.

  24. http://tinyurl.com
    http://tinyurl.com says:

    My partner and I stumbled over here different
    web page and thought I may as well check things out. I like what I see so i am just following
    you. Look forward to finding out about your web page for a second
    time.

  25. mojang minecraft download
    mojang minecraft download says:

    Hi there, just wanted to say, I loved this article.
    It was funny. Keep on posting!

  26. Florencia
    Florencia says:

    Hi! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us so I
    came to give it a look. I'm definitely enjoying the information. I'm bookmarking and will be
    tweeting this to my followers! Fantastic blog and outstanding design and style.

  27. tinyurl.com
    tinyurl.com says:

    I'm curious to find out what blog platform you're using? I'm having some small security problems with
    my latest website and I'd like to find something more risk-free.
    Do you have any suggestions?

  28. tinyurl.com
    tinyurl.com says:

    You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find
    this topic to be actually something that I think I would never understand.

    It seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I'm looking forward for your next post, I'll try to get the hang of it!

  29. http://tinyurl.com/
    http://tinyurl.com/ says:

    Hi my friend! I want to say that this article is awesome, great written and include almost all important infos.
    I would like to look more posts like this .

  30. http://tinyurl.com/y4ya4qq2
    http://tinyurl.com/y4ya4qq2 says:

    Simply wish to say your article is as astonishing. The clarity in your
    post is just great and i can assume you are an expert on this subject.

    Well with your permission allow me to grab
    your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks
    a million and please keep up the enjoyable work.

  31. http://tinyurl.com/
    http://tinyurl.com/ says:

    It's nearly impossible to find well-informed people about this subject, but you seem like you know what you're
    talking about! Thanks

  32. Belinda
    Belinda says:

    Hello there! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established blog.
    Is it tough to set up your own blog? I'm not very techincal but I
    can figure things out pretty quick. I'm thinking about setting up my own but I'm not sure where to start.
    Do you have any tips or suggestions? With thanks

  33. tinyurl.com
    tinyurl.com says:

    Why viewers still make use of to read news papers when in this technological globe the whole thing is
    presented on web?

  34. tinyurl.com
    tinyurl.com says:

    I have read so many articles or reviews concerning the blogger
    lovers but this post is really a nice article,
    keep it up.

  35. http://tinyurl.com
    http://tinyurl.com says:

    whoah this blog is magnificent i really like studying
    your articles. Stay up the good work! You already know,
    many individuals are looking around for this information,
    you can aid them greatly.

  36. http://tinyurl.com/yyelxpkx
    http://tinyurl.com/yyelxpkx says:

    I loved as much as you'll receive carried out right
    here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish.
    nonetheless, you command get got an shakiness over that you wish be delivering
    the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this increase.

  37. http://tinyurl.com/
    http://tinyurl.com/ says:

    That is true for funding recommendation as well.

  38. minecraft for free
    minecraft for free says:

    I am in fact glad to read this blog posts which contains plenty of useful
    data, thanks for providing such statistics.

  39. tinyurl.com
    tinyurl.com says:

    Howdy! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a
    team of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche.
    Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have
    done a extraordinary job!

  40. tinyurl.com
    tinyurl.com says:

    Highly energetic article, I liked that a lot. Will there be a part 2?

  41. Fernanda Lara Tórtima
    Fernanda Lara Tórtima says:

    Heya i'm for the first time here. I found this board and I
    find It really useful & it helped me out a lot.

    I hope to give something back and aid others like you aided me.

  42. Luther
    Luther says:

    Now it's time to decide your specific investments.

  43. http://tinyurl.com/
    http://tinyurl.com/ says:

    This is true for investment recommendation as well.

  44. Ronda
    Ronda says:

    When I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me when new
    comments are added- checkbox and from now on each time a comment is added I receive four emails
    with the exact same comment. Perhaps there is a way you are able to remove
    me from that service? Cheers!

  45. Saul
    Saul says:

    Consider investments that provide immediate annuities.

  46. Virginia
    Virginia says:

    Why people still use to read news papers when in this
    technological world all is accessible on net?

  47. Lea
    Lea says:

    Right away I am going to do my breakfast, afterward having my breakfast coming over again to read
    additional news.

  48. http://tinyurl.com/yxo3uqca
    http://tinyurl.com/yxo3uqca says:

    We're a bunch of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community.
    Your web site offered us with useful information to work on. You've done an impressive activity and our entire community shall be
    thankful to you.

  49. http://tinyurl.com/
    http://tinyurl.com/ says:

    Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make
    your point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why waste your
    intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something informative to read?

Leave a Reply

Gravatars are enabled. Don't have one? Go grab one!

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Spam Protection by WP-SpamFree



Calendar

May 2019
M T W T F S S
« Jul    
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031