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June 30th, 2005

Out Around Town

So...last Saturday night was more fun than I've had in a long time.

We'd planned to do nothing that evening. In fact, when my sis called and asked if she and GuitarRockstar could stop by and drop a book off for me, The Worm and I were still in our pajamas. It was around 4pm.

She mentioned that they might, later, go by Tsunami - a new rooftop-terraced restaurant in town. She, Mom and I had checked it out that Thursday and she wanted to take GuitarRockstar. It's a neat place. I wanted The Worm to see it, too and told her we might go with them - "for one drink". Famous last words.

Even though it was hot and humid, the restaurant, and terrace, is on the 6th floor and near the Mississippi, so there was a wonderful breeze. I ordered a glass of wine (one drink seems to be okay with the Zoloft), The Worm had a mixed drink, GuitarRockstar a beer and SisterTweeze nothing; she's not a drinker.

One drink turned into a few, and then we ordered some sushi and shrimp tempura, and then even SisterTweeze started drinking - martinis. As it got later, the terrace started filling up with the "Baton Rouge elite"; or so they thought they were.

One of my sister and I's favorite things to do is people watch and, then, people bash. It's a guilty pleasure - but come on, who doesn't do it? And with such an array of snobby, half-dressed rich kids it was open season.

First there was Pink Drink Girl. PDG had on an impossibly pink dress with impossibly pink strappy heels (with flowers on them), and she was drinking an impossibly pink drink. No, seriously, her drink completely matched her entire outfit. She was drinking it so slowly - every time I saw her within a two hour time period she was still sipping on that drink - it was very obvious that she'd bought it for that very purpose.

Then walked in Bleach Boy Band, or two members of it anyway. I honestly wish one of us had a camera because no one will ever believe how incredibly cheesy these guys looked - or the fact that more of them showed up later into the night. Important Someone, obviously the "hunky leader" of the band strolled in wearing white pants, a white short-sleeved button-up shirt (un-buttoned most of the way down to show off his chest and silver necklace) and perfectly polished black shoes. He had on sunglasses and his oiled curls were tucked under a white Panama-style hat. His goatee was razor thin and straight down his chin from lip to chin-tip. He was positively boy-bandish in his stunning white perfection and cocky walk. Along with him was Replacement Kid, who was obviously being mentored by Important Someone. RK was everything his companion was not - he was nervous, shy and he watched IS all night, imitating his moves. If IS put his hands on his hips as he stood there talking, so did RK. RK was also in immaculate white pants, white button-up shirt and highly polished black shoes.

That was interesting enough, but as the night wore on, the rest of the band arrived. There was Wild Drug Addict Guy who was loud and obnoxious and obviously drunk (we figured that was who RK was being trained to replace), and there was GQ guy with the perfect, close-cut haircut and chiseled chin. There was also Non-Descript Guy, who was nothing special, most likely the "quiet, shy one". Did I mention that all of them were also wearing white-white-black shoes? They were perfect - except for WDAG, whose pants and shoes were dingy and dirty (you know, the drugs). They were either a boy band or getting ready for a Clorox Bleach commercial.

Then...no, this really happened...a tall, skinny blonde walked up and started hanging out with them; they obviously knew her well. And guess what she was wearing? White top, short white skirt and white, strappy high heels. Seeing them all standing there in a little circle, laughing and talking was....too strange.

Also in attendance was Sammy Hagar - no really, this guy looked just like him. He stood against a railing the entire time we were there with a bevy of admiring women hanging all over him. It wasn't him, of course, because why would Sammy Hagar be in Baton Rouge and, actually this guy was about 20-30 years his junior, but he sure was pulling the look-alike thing off well.

The rest of the people were your normal hodge-podge of fancy-schmancy restaurant goers. Some were cool and normal, some were preppie, and snobbish - walking around like they were "someone" and giving all of us "non-someones" dirty looks. I wanted to walk up to them and say, "You know, you live in Baton Rouge not New York; get over yourself."

We finally decided to leave because it was getting late and crowded, and I couldn't take anymore snobbish, "beautiful" pseudo-city types. Tweeze and had to pee and our loving men told us to go before we left. We tried to explain that we'd rather wait than brave a crowded women's bathroom in a place as busy as this on a weekend night with lots of alcohol being imbibed, but they didn't get it. Of course not, they're men. They walk in and piss in a trough and leave - there's no waiting, pushing, people putting on more make-up in the mirror. So to humor them, and so we could say "We told you so", we went. And we were gone for a long time.

The bathroom was the size of a postage stamp with two stalls. Two stalls - obviously designed by a man not realizing that a popular restaurant/bar/hang-out such as this would have lots of drinking women with bladders the size of small peas. Every time a new person squeezed in we'd all have to re-maneuver ourselves to make room. It was horrible and I was starting to feel claustrophobic. Finally I was next - thank goodness because I thought I was going to pee on myself. Just then a very-pregnant woman came in and got at the end of the line. Naturally, I gave her my turn. I'm sure she had to pee way worse than I did, considering I didn't have a 6-7 lb hunk of flesh weighing down on my bladder.

As we were waiting there was this Loud Drunk Woman a few people back in line, though because the room was so small she was almost right next to me. She was telling this long, loud and drunk story to Very Pregnant Woman's friend about how she saw all of them smoking, and then she saw VPW reach into her purse, and she was so sure VPW was going to pull out a cigarette but then she didn't and she thought "there are still some good people in this world". Why she felt the need to share this particular story, I have no idea. VPW's friend just nodded, obviously humoring her, and murmuring things like, "Oh, no, she wouldn't do that." Then VPW came out and was trying to wash her hands and as I went into the stall I could hear LDW repeating the entire story to her, telling her she thought she was going to smoke and if VPW had she'd of come over there and told her something because that's just wrong and she's just that kind of person. 1. I'm sure VPW already heard the entire story the first time since VDW said it VERY loudly in the room the size of a postage stamp - twice (because she was drunk). 2. She was telling the entire story in this accusatory tone, as if even though VPW didn't smoke, she thought she was going to and all of her friends were, and so in some small way she was still guilty and LDW was just letting her know it.

Was I glad to be out of there. I came out and punched The Worm in the arm and said, "I told you so!"

After that we walked down to Parrot Beach, a new bar/dance club I hadn't been to yet. GuitarRockstar and The Worm shot pool while Tweeze and I played on one of those game things that sits on the bar. We were playing all of the Erotic games - lots of fun, putting together puzzles with half-naked men or women, photos obviously shot back in the early 80's.

When the club started filling up we all danced - even my sister who never drinks a lot and never dances. She did both and I felt this soaring pride - my little sis getting tore up and shakin' her groove 'thang on the dance floor; if only Mom could see this. I was drunk enough not to feel pain in my leg and danced a lot. Sure, I could barely walk the next day but, boy, was it worth it. We had a fucking blast.

Who knew going out in Baton Rouge could be so interesting?

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