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October 20th, 2005

I Don’t Wanna Grow Up

Holy fuck. Seriously? Is this what it means to be an adult? Is this really what growing up is all about?

As a child, you can't wait to be older - to be "grown up". But grown-ups yearn for the innocence and ignorance of childhood. The grass is always greener, right? Or does being a responsible adult just suck that bad?

I always said I'd never let myself be miserable for something so paltry as security. Of course, I was a bit younger then. I suppose my early twenties weren't that long ago; I'll be 28 in less than two weeks. But I crammed a lot of living into those formative years.

Me, who has faced living in poverty and having no food in my belly or roof over my head - and STILL survived - I always swore I wouldn't get caught up in the "regular" world of working my ass off just to pay my basic bills; that I would never compromise my freedom and happiness for stability. Yet here I am. And now that I'm here, I don't know if I can get out from under it.

I've grown accustomed to my warm meals every night, my comfortable bed, my cute car, my myriad of electronic gadgets and toys. I've come to appreciate the roof over my head and the small comforts of "home". Things I swore I'd never have faith in.

The thing is, I don't know if I've "grown up" or "given in"...

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