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May 11th, 2006

The Absent-Minded Techie

While the results still aren't in on whether or not yours truly is "officially" A.D.H.D., I can tell you that - even if not - I am scatterbrained and absent-minded enough to learn a few tricks from those who are.

For example, I forgot to bring a lunch today, and I can't go and get something because I lost my credit card a few days ago. Apparently I had a doctor's appointment today, but I didn't know it until I got home yesterday and a voice on my answering machine said, "Your appointment for tomorrow has been cancelled."

There's just so much going on in my mind at any given time, that it's damn near impossible for me to keep track and keep up with the mundane stuff. I read somewhere that an "artist" mind works this way - that they live in a more colorful, fanciful world where they're always creating and have trouble focusing on worldly tasks such as paying bills and remembering appointments.

I have so many things I want to do and am planning to do, and just as many that I'm forgetting or putting aside for the rest. I sometimes feel so overwhelmed; as if I'll never catch up and never accomplish anything - that the whole rickety mess is just going to come crashing down on me and bury me under missed opportunities, lost dreams, forgotten appointments, neglected responsibilities, and unpaid bills.

I'm not worried about it, though, because I'm on Lexapro. I feel more under control - which is good - even with the rickety pile of "need to do" and "want to do" (and, yes, "forgot to do") tottering precariously over my head, I feel very in control. I feel as if I can only do as much as I can...that there's no use in pushing myself to impossible feats. I do what I can, when I can, and I earnestly try hard to take care of the rest (less interesting) stuff as I can.

It feels...good.

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