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December 15th, 2006

An Apology, Long Overdue

In high school, we were inseparable - The Terror Twins II, remember? After graduation, our lives went in very different directions - we stayed friends, but eventually we drifted apart, too.

When old demons - demons so dark you obviously couldn't even share them with your best friend - came to haunt you, I failed you. I was angry at past hurts, frustrated with the way you were becoming, so very busy and caught up in my own life and its many problems. Excuses all, and I'm sorry. I was wrong - I wasn't there when you needed me most.

I noticed a change in you; I knew something was wrong. But my own anger kept me from reaching out to you. I never assumed it was something dark, deep, and sinister. I figured you were aggravated with daily life, felt unfulfilled in some way, and would "get over it"; I'd never known you to be truly depressed for any length of time. I was frustrated with you - with the choices I saw you making, too; I can't lie about that. I assumed your problems were brought on by the bad choices you were making - and you know us, Scorpios - I, in turn, felt little sympathy. Forgive me; you know I can be a cold-hearted bitch - it's one of the things you love about me, right?

I really thought you would be okay; that you would snap out of it, that something would spark joy in your heart again - I didn't know how to reach you in the places you were. Still, I should have tried harder. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I never sat down and had "the talk" with you I'd been meaning to - to clear the air between us - to get off my chest the things I was angry at you for, and let you do the same (I know you were angry at me, too, in some ways). I missed "us" - I always have.

Please don't ever think I stopped loving you, that I ever stopped thinking of you as my terror twin; I never did. I was angry, I was frustrated, and yes, I was distant. All I can do is apologize; we're such different people, the Adult us, you know? I should've tried harder; I know that. I'm sorry for letting you down but I love you to pieces and I want so very much for you to be okay.

I can't change the past, but I can work on the future. I'm here for you - I won't let you fall alone like that again. I'm sorry and I love you and I hope we have a second chance...I hope, more than anything, that YOU have a second chance. Because you deserve one; you have a bright and beautiful soul and all of us miss that spark and that special glow. Come back to us, please - and we'll all do everything we can to help you through this.

I love you.

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