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April 13th, 2008

Got Porn?

On the 21st of March, sxephil, brought up the age-old question of porn in relationships - yes or no, friend or foe? Baret and I both have long been fans of the The Philip DeFranco Show so we had a good talk about the topic ourselves and I left a silly comment, mostly tongue-in-cheek but true nonetheless.

Give it a read:

I don't mind if my b/f watches porn, and often we watch it together. I think it's just part of life, really - men need porn. ^_^

Imagine my chagrin to see two people responding to my comment in the most ludicrous fashion! One astute individual insisted I "must be a guy" (because I like porn?) and the other said I had an addiction because I said porn was simply part of life (well it is - if it's your entire life then that would be an "addiction").

The comments:

OzymandiasD: Wow, your a guy aren't you

RobertsGames: a part of life?, lady thats an addiction. It should just be like, well theres that one site so lets see, not like its a duty.

Obviously one is an ignorant chauvinist and the other a bumbling fool attempting to look clever (too bad he completely misunderstood what I was saying!)

I firmly believe that porn can be used as a sometimes, fun "something different" in healthy sexual, adult relationships. Why the heck not? How that makes me "a guy", I've still yet to figure out. It's shocking to me that in today's society it's still so hard to believe that a grown adult woman could enjoy porn and not be considered weird or sick.

I like to think that we've moved away from these puritanical ideals about how women should be and what they are allowed to express about themselves sexually. Yet it seems not. People seem genuinely shocked that a woman not only enjoys porn herself, but is comfortable enough in her relationship to let her man enjoy it, too (with or without her).

Yes, I made the comment that men "need" porn - facetiously, of course - and to a certain extent, they kind of do. If it helps them to relieve some stress, blow off extra sexual tension, and they enjoy it, what the hell is wrong with it? Men are programmed to spread their seed; I'd rather mine be spreading it into a Kleenex than his hot co-worker's snatch.

As to porn being part of life - well, it is. Get used to it; it's here to stay. You can either turn away from it and ignore it (or futilely fight it, as some do) or you can accept and enjoy it. You don't have to acknowledge its presence or you can freely revel in its debaucheries - either way, porn is a fact of life.

And, I hate to tell you, so is the fact that some women do enjoy it. Even more shocking, some of them enjoy it with their partners! I know, it blows the mind. There is nothing wrong with an adult couple enjoying pornography together to spice things up from time to time.

I suppose I'm just blown away by the fact that I - because I am a woman - get lambasted in comments for admitting to enjoying porn and letting my mate watch it. I just assumed we were way over such prejudices and misconceptions. Sadly, it seems I was mistaken.

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4 Responses to “Got Porn?”

  1. Maja Ingmann
    Maja Ingmann says:

    I've been reading your blog for a while but this is the first time I'm commenting (first-time-long-time!). I know - shame on me for not commenting on the other interesting things you write. But here I am now. I couldn't resist.

    I am a woman. I love porn. I don't mind a bit if my husband watches it with or without me, and he doesn't mind if I watch it with or without him. Porn helps me achieve the bliss that we all crave: La petite mort. I/we don't watch it all day, nor every time we have sex, but we have a nice collection that we thoroughly enjoy.

    You're definitely not the only one. I have to admit that my husband was at first shocked to discover that he not only didn't have to hide his collection, but that I expected him to *share* it with me. He had the idea that many men have: Women do not enjoy porn.

    I proved him wrong 🙂

  2. Shanna Riley
    Shanna Riley says:

    Maja, thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever reads the blog anymore and it's such a delight to see that they do! Thank you for that.

    I'm so glad that you shared your story - it's true that many men falsely believe "women do not enjoy porn", and I'd bet there are a large number of women that are too ashamed to admit that they do. It's always wonderful to see women stepping out and stomping on such taboos and falsehoods!

    Your husband is a lucky man, no doubt - hope you guys have many more wonderful years of enjoying play together. ^_^

  3. james
    james says:

    I feel sorry that you think that pornography is healthy in a relationship... It is truly the ultimate destructor of such... It causes men to objectify women as pieces of chattel and you should feel more worthy than that...

  4. Shanna
    Shanna says:

    I'm truly sorry you can't open your mind and enjoy a little adult fun, James. There is nothing wrong with *couples* enjoying pornography together. It has nothing to do with my feeling "worthy" or "not worthy", and if you honestly believe watching porn once a year together "destroys" relationships, I have to say you sound fairly ignorant. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world - a man who couldn't be more respectful of me or women if he tried. To watch the porn together is *my* idea, not his; and in watching it together it certainly does not make him disrespect me. Indeed, the idea is rather laughable...I just fail to make the connection.

    I think you have a very closed mind and a seriously limited world view to lump the idea of objectifying women into healthy, fun between consenting adults.

    There are plenty of much more detrimental things on this planet that objectify women...I know, I run a couple of websites dealing with that very thing...which shows you should perhaps do a little more research before randomly commenting on someone's blog.

  5. Betsy
    Betsy says:

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