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British Brit

Friday, January 25th, 2008

Exactly when did Britney become British?

Britney’s Obit – Not News

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008

Since Britney Spears has uncharacteristically kept herself below the radar for the last week, papers are scrambling to fill their pages with something about their most illustrious train wreck. A week without word on Britney and - to the modern media, at least - the world stops spinning.

And so they come up with this: The Associated Press Already Has an Obituary for Britney Spears. The media is shocking and tantalizing their vapid crowds with the distressing news that The Associated Press, those bloodthirsty hound dogs, have already gone so far as to write the troubled, former pop star right off this Earth. How callous! How cruel! How dare they!

In truth, however, this has nothing to do with Britney or the cold-blooded sharks that swim the waters of American and British media.

After recently reading The Dead Beat: Lost Souls, Lucky Stiffs, and the Perverse Pleasure of Obituaries by Marilyn Johnson and Life on the Death Beat: A Handbook for Obituary Writers by Alana Baranick, Jim Sheeler, and Stephen Miller, I can assure you that this latest bit of "news" is anything but.

In fact, I can't fathom why everyone is so shocked, or why the media is making such a big deal out of this (oh, wait, yes I do - sensationalism, true or no, sells).

The fact is, this is a very common practice for prominent newspapers wherein celebrities - especially ill, elderly, or troubled ones - are concerned. Anyone can do a little research into the world of obit-writing and learn that obits for some of the world's most prominent persons are ready to go at a moment's notice in the advent of their demise. In fact, some celebs even offer to do "obit interviews" to help the obituary writers out with their eventual and someday-will-be-needed last write-up.

This is a common practice for every celebrity or noteworthy person the world over - not just Britney Spears. And this certainly not the work of some forward-thinking news hounds forecasting the inevitable.

As if there aren't enough newsworthy and important things to be reporting on in the world, the media has to make up sensational and pointless stories about Britney Spears just to feel as if they're writing something relevant. What is this world coming to, I ask you?

The Sanctity of Marriage, Eh?

Friday, June 25th, 2004

Let me go over this again, just so I can get it right, it's the gay people getting married that's going to ruin the "sanctity" of marriage. Correct?

Let me tell you one damn thing, if anything is ruining the sanctity of marriage, it's our dear, childish celebrities getting married every other year and on a whim - not two gay people who are madly in love with one another!

Britney Spears is getting married; again. Let us all not forget Britney's first "marriage" - a Vegas wedding affair that lasted all of 54 hours. Now she's getting hitched to her backup singer. Exactly how long has she been with this man? Apparently not too long considering his baby's momma is currently pregnant for him a second time! You know, because Britney so obviously understands and upholds the sanctimoniousness of marriage.

Yeah, about as much as that dumb matrimony-whore Jennifer Lopez. Or J-Lo. Or Ester. Or P. Diddy. Or whatever name she has chosen this year.

I mean here are these people getting hitched for the most assinine reasons (real love lasts longer than a few hours or a few months, people) but you have a bunch of conservative fuckwads crying that letting a homosexual couple who's been together for 20+ years is ruining the "sanctity of marriage". COME ON!